


Where Were You?

by OhMyNanase



Category: Free!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Dad Makoto, Depression, Developing Relationship, Eventual Relationships, FOR THE FUTURE, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, M/M, New Family, Papa Haru, Possible sequel sometime soon, Reunions, Romance, Single dad Makoto, Suicidal Thoughts, Trapped In Elevator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-05-22 18:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6089971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhMyNanase/pseuds/OhMyNanase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I like you…” A voice, sweet and soothing announced into the night; probably the darkest night of winter. Upon the sound of those words, Makoto's eyes went wide as the realization of those words hit him. Haruka had revealed something so incredibly personal, unconsciously pushing their relationship far too quickly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After all these years

**Author's Note:**

> Written by: Ohmynanase  
> Plot guidance, ideas and support: Utsukushin
> 
>  
> 
> First of all, THANK YOU for coming by and checking out my story! Enjoy the angst, the drama, and the MakoHaru prettiness! This was inspired by all the amazing single parent fanfiction out there! Expect a new chapter every other week! Ideas, suggestions and EVERYTHING is welcomed! ENJOY!!
> 
> Special thanks to Utsukushin and Nicole for their feedback and support on this story!
> 
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com

“I like you…” A voice, sweet and soothing announced into the night; probably the darkest night of winter. Upon the sound of those words, Makoto's eyes went wide as the realization of those words hit him. Haruka had revealed something so incredibly personal, unconsciously pushing their relationship far too quickly. An unexpected turn was taken and Makoto knew this was the moment where things would never be the same.  
  
Fate is cruel, isn't it? Cruel. Unavoidable.  
  
Haruka’s strong composure melted and he found himself unable to look into Makoto’s eyes. The wind blew strong and chilly, and the leaves on the trees danced slowly side to side. They had met up that night by the sea upon Haruka’s request - an unexpected request that seemed a bit off since the very beginning.  
  
Makoto’s shoulders tensed as he tried to keep a gentle smile on his face. The silence between them was killing him, but what was he supposed to say? In truth, Makoto didn't trust himself to speak at that very moment. No matter how he wanted to see it, their relationship’s future rested in his very own hands.  
  
_But how are you supposed to reject your best friend?  
  
_ “Haru.” It hurt, and for the very first time in his life, Makoto found himself speechless. “I’m sorry, I…”  
  
Haruka didn't need to hear the rest; he didn't want to because he already knew what it would be. His lips pressed tightly into a flat line, forcing a smile out where it didn’t belong. He was feeling cold, and his heart was racing. Haruka used to believe he knew Makoto like no other, but never thought his confession would end up ruining everything they ever had.  
  
“It’s okay.”  But, it wasn't okay. It hadn't been okay from the moment Haruka had fallen in love with his best friend. Haruka walked backwards, looking one last time into Makoto’s green orbs, the eyes of the person he could no longer read. “It’s getting late and… and I really need to go.”  
  
“Hold on, Haru—”  
  
But Haruka did not wait for him, he simply whispered a goodbye and hurried off of the beach. He practically ran across the street towards his own home and left Makoto all by himself under the dim light of the distant stars and moon.  
  
Makoto watched him go, his world reduced to this moment and the sound of his own heart thumping hard within his chest. He found himself unable to move from his spot, and suddenly the night became colder than it should have been. Much, much colder.  
  
He only hoped that the next day would bring Haruka back to him. He wanted to clear his mind overnight, hoping to meet Haruka once the sun came up again. But Haruka never returned. After that night, he pulled himself out of Makoto’s life for good, and their paths took different routes, leaving their unspoken words hanging in the air over a small, Iwatobi beach.  
  
*  
  
Makoto groaned loudly, partially flicking his eyes open. He could feel consciousness creeping up on him, waking and pulling him away from adream of nearly-forgotten memories. While his eyes were still heavywith sleep, Makoto wondered why he was still having dreams about Haruka, even after nearly ten years had passed since that fateful night.  
  
When he lifted his face up from the table he had dozed off on, he saw Chigusa’s smiling face over his, and felt himself go red with shame. “Oh, please don’t tell me I went past my ten minute break,” he groaned, sitting up while Chigusa giggled.  
  
“Then I won’t say anything,” she joked, as Makoto stood up and fixed his black apron, still blushing at his own carelessness. “You’re fine, the store isn’t even busy today.”  
  
“Gosh, this is happening way too often,” Makoto mumbled, running a hand over his hair and face, and trying to keep from yawning. “If Mr. Takano finds out, he’ll give me another warning.”  
  
“Hey, calm down. He’s not even back from his lunch, you paranoid wreck,” his coworker said as they walked out of the break room. He was still fighting the sleep that was pulling at his eyelids, wondering how he was supposed to stay awake for the rest of his shift.  
  
Chigusa glanced up when Makoto failed to answer, her eyebrows creased at his unusual silence but then relaxed in understanding. She flashed an emphatic smile that would have puzzled a stranger, but that never failed to appear each time she remembered how different Makoto’s life was from the rest of her friends. “Hikari kept you awake last night, huh?”  
  
“Yeah,” Makoto declared once they both reached the counter. He extended his arms on the wooden surface, resting his chin against it and sighing loudly. “He’s still afraid of the dark…”  
  
“Still?” Chigusa blinked with concern. “Have you tried adding a little more light to the room?”  
  
“I have, but it doesn’t work. Yesterday he called for me over and over, shaky-voiced over sounds and shadows I couldn't hear or see,”Makoto said tiredly, allowing his eyes to briefly shut. “I ended up letting him sleep in my bed with the lights on, but I couldn’t sleep after a long while. My bed is not that big.”  
  
“I’m sorry."  
  
“I’m not sure where this comes from. I’ve tried so many tactics, read tons of online articles, and I really don’t know what to do!” Makoto kept going, “He’s going to be seven next month.”  
  
“Seven already?!” The subject suddenly shifted and Chigusa covered her mouth with both hands in reaction. “Oh gosh, that’s too soon!”  
  
A chuckle escaped Makoto’s lips, lifting his head from the counter and finally smiling. He leaned both elbows against the wood, using them as support while he played with his hands, rubbing his long fingers against each other bashfully. “Right? It feels like it was yesterday thatI was changing his diapers and watching his first steps…”  
  
Makoto’s eyes became brighter than usual, and he looked so dreamy whenever he spoke about Hikari. Even though his current situation was not ideal, Chigusa could tell Makoto was grateful to have Hikari in his life. She didn't realize she was smiling until a regular customer was standing in front of them with a cup of coffee in hand. They both looked down at this girl whose cheeks were now blushing and eyes captured on Makoto’s tired orbs.  
  
Makoto cleared his throat, standing up straight and smiling at the girl. “Good morning, how can I help you today?”  
  
“For you.” She stretched her arm out shyly and offered the coffee cup to Makoto. “You… seem a little tired.”  
  
“Eh…?” Makoto blinked with surprise at their customer while Chigusa chuckled in the background. Finally, after several seconds, Makoto realized the thought behind the girl’s nice gesture and felt his cheeks burning. “O-oh, thanks. I… t-thank you!” Accepting the cup, he smiled, and the girl couldn’t do anything but bow before leaving the bookstore without anything else to say.  
  
“And you think Takano would get rid of you?” She elbowed him playfully in the side, almost letting herself laugh at him. “Your pretty face brings all the cute girls to this boring store. There’s no way he would ever let you go, Tachibana.”  
  
“Oh, would you please stop that!?” Makoto ranted, knowing that most likely his ears were already red by now. But that customer was right, a cup of coffee seemed like a good idea. Hoping for his coffee to be strong, Makoto thought that drinking it would be the only way he could get through his shift without further incidents.  
  
*  
  
It was close to one in the afternoon, kids started leaving school with wide smiles and eager faces. Makoto had been there for a while, leaning against his car as he watched them leave the building. It took a while for Hikari to come out, carrying his backpack on one shoulder while minding his own business.  
  
At the sight of his son, Makoto’s smile went wide and he waved at him. Hikari’s eyes lit up when he spotted his father, running up to him without a second thought.  
  
Makoto just couldn't believe how his son looked so much like him when he was his age. Even though Hikari had this amazing combination of pale skin and red hair, he still had Makoto’s green eyes, face structure and nose. They looked so alike.  
  
Makoto grabbed Hikari into an enormous hug, ruffling his son’s shaggy hair affectionately. “Hey, how was school?”  
  
“It was okay, I guess.” Hikari chuckled. “But I am ready to go home already.”  
  
“I’m glad,” Makoto said, carrying Hikari’s backpack with one hand and opening the passenger door with the other. “But you’ll have to wait a tiny bit to get home today. You’re staying at Aunt Ran’s until it's time for your swimming lesson in the afternoon. Is that alright?”  
  
“Oh, that’s cool.”  
  
Makoto found it amazing how easily Hikari would get happy over little things like that, forgetting his own plans and adjusting to whatever his father suggested. He smiled at his son as they drove by, thinking how Hikari was such a good boy.  
  
“Are you still picking me up after my lesson is over, Dad?” Hikari asked looking out at the road, admiring the city stretching all around them. Makoto was not a city person, unlike his son. The city fascinated him but he did not really belong in it, not even after all these years living in Tokyo. Makoto’s heart would always belong to Iwatobi, the little town he grew up in.  
  
“Of course I will,” Makoto assured while his gentle smile grew wider, secretly wondering when it would be appropriate to visit Iwatobi again. “You know I’ll be there, like always.”  
  
*  
  
It was ten minutes before closing when Makoto started sweeping the floors and cleaning the counter. He was all by himself then, with no customers left or coworkers around, at least until the store closed at six. For Makoto, the last few minutes of his shift always seemed to be the longest; getting the trash out, cleaning and mopping while secretly hoping for no one to show up this close to closing.  
  
He was arranging some classic books on the second floor before leaving when his cellphone buzzed in his pocket. Arching an eyebrow, Makoto pulled his phone out and stared at the unknown number flashing across the screen.  
  
“Hello?” No one answered but Makoto could hear someone breathing on the other line. His expression turned to a slightly concerned frown. “Hello? Can you hear me?”  
  
“Mr. Tachibana...?” A male voice asked quietly.  
  
Something was wrong. He didn't know exactly what, but as he heard that voice, he knew something wasn’t right. “Yes. May I ask who is calling?”  
  
“I’m calling from Totsuka Swimming School,” The voice on the other line paused. After a few seconds, the voice continued, “It’s regarding your son, Hikari.”  
  
Makoto’s blood ran cold.  
  
*  
  
He burst through the swimming club’s door right after six, panting slightly and with his sweaty hair plastered to his forehead from running too fast. He walked across the reception area asking for his son’s whereabouts. The receptionist kindly offered to escort him to the infirmary but Makoto declined. He ran down the hall by himself.  
  
All it had taken was a single phone call and Makoto’s world turned upside down. Maybe it was mere overreaction, but who could blame him? Hikari was all he had in this world, his _light_ , and Makoto would die if something bad happened to his only child.  
  
His steps echoed as he ran through the empty halls of the club while feeling sick to his stomach. When he entered the room, he saw Hikari sitting on the edge of a white bed, his nose bandaged up and swollen.  
  
“Dad!” Hikari called cheerfully, smiling, as if the current state of his nose didn’t matter. Makoto felt his shoulders tremble. He went over to the bed, fell on his knees and hugged his son carefully against his chest.  
  
“Oh, Hikari. Are you alright?” Makoto began stroking his son’s back. “What happened?”  
  
“I am alright,” Hikari reassured after a giggle. “It’s just my nose, Dad.”  
  
_Just his nose. His nose. It was just his nose.  
  
_ Makoto closed his eyes and suddenly, he could breathe again. Oh, he had been so scared. His imagination had gone out of control, running wild this whole time, and he had imagined the worst. He felt like a fool, like an infatuated boy. He kept his eyes shut for a long while, concentrating on Hikari’s warmth and respiration.  
  
His son was alright, he was fine. As long as Hikari was safe, nothing else mattered to Makoto.  
  
“Mr. Tachibana…?” There it was, the same voice he heard over the phone. Makoto froze when he realized there had been a third person in the room ever since he arrived. He gulped, his cheeks burnt with the rush of blood. How embarrassing!  
  
He found himself breaking the embrace with his son to acknowledge the stranger in the room. Could it be a nurse? The lifeguard? Makoto didn’t give it too much thought, turning around to face with whoever had been looking after his son all this time. Ready to express his gratitude, he flashed an honest smile as his eyes finally landed on the man standing right across the infirmary room.  
  
“I’m so sorry, I thought we were by our—” But the words died out on his tongue when he caught sight of two, very familiar blue eyes, staring right back at him. How could he ever forget those eyes? He had dreamed of those eyes nearly every night for the past decade, blue eyes he always tried to forget.  
  
Haruka. Haruka Nanase. There he was. After all these years, there he _finally_ was…!


	2. Hikari

Hikari Tachibana. A common name followed by a common surname. Haruka didn’t pay too much attention to that name the first time he saw it on his new class’s attendance list; ‘Tachibana’ was a popular last name in Japan, and only a few of them were related to his past.  
  
Things changed that Monday when he first saw that redhead boy with the girly name. His heart panged at the sight of those droopy green eyes and that innocent smile.  
  
He was a cheerful and friendly little boy, one whose mannerisms and choice of words reminded Haruka of his first love. Hikari looked so much like Makoto, and looking at the boy felt just like looking back in time. Haruka, instantly, felt attached to that boy. Trying not to let it show, he kept his eyes away from the kid and coached his team during the first class. But the resemblance was remarkable, undeniable and certainly distracting.  
  
No, it couldn’t be. There was no way his student and Makoto were related. Maybe it was because they had the same last name that Haruka was seeing things. Maybe it was just a coincidence…?  
  
It was almost at the end of the fifth class when he heard the crying. He turned around instantly and found Hikari at the edge of the pool surrounded by concerned faces and curious eyes. The redhead was trying so hard to stop his tears, covering his bloody nose with both hands while assuring the others over and over again that he was fine. Right then, Haruka knew he’d have to make a phone call that could end up breaking out forbidden memories and broken emotions.  
  
Leaving the main office with Hikari’s file in hand, Haruka realized he had been holding his breath for a long time. He sat at the furthest cubicle on the first floor and opened the manila folder, carefully, as if he was afraid of getting burnt. His blue eyes scanned the first page, dashing through the content and looking for the emergency contact.  
  
And, just like winter, he froze. Wide eyes, dry throat, and trembling lips. Haruka was greeted by the familiar characters that together composed the name he always found himself calling in his dreams.  
  
 ** _Emergency Contact:_ ** _Makoto Tachibana (Father)  
_ ** _Phone Number:_ ** _(03) 925-8058  
  
_ Haruka couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness in his heart when he read that name. How nostalgic, how tragic. It was so painful to read that name after all these years.  
  
Haruka made the connections inside his head and his heart went out of control. Coincidences were no longer an option. This had to be the same Makoto Tachibana he grew up with, his childhood friend and… the one that rejected him the time he opened up and confessed.  
  
Makoto Tachibana was Hikari’s father. Haruka could no longer breathe.  
  
He fought up the burning sensations growing up inside his chest, battling against his shaking hands and held the file firmly. Haruka kept reading, a single question running furiously inside his head:  
  
 _‘Who's the mother?’ ‘What’s her name?’ ‘Where’s the person you chose over me?!’  
  
_ But nothing came up. No matter how many times he went over the document, no answers could be found. Makoto was the only listed parent in Hikari’s files.  
  
 _What was this supposed to mean?  
  
_ Haruka caught himself listening to his own thoughts and realized how invasive he had become; Invading a life he was no longer a part of. He closed his eyes tightly and began rubbing his own forehead instead.  Remembering what he was there for, Haruka picked the phone up and dialed Makoto’s number before he changed his mind and waited in silence.  
  
A simple ‘Hello?’ was enough to leave him speechless for a while. Makoto’s voice was just like he remembered, echoing through Haruka’s entire body, like a part of him he dearly missed.  
  
Haruka couldn’t remember how he found his voice and spoke through the phone, and soon the call was over. But, when the infirmary's door flew open and Makoto ran across the room, Haruka realized how life can change so fast and unexpectedly.  
  
Makoto still looked like how Haruka remembered him; just as tall, with the half-combed mane, and those green eyes that haunted him ever since he last saw them. Makoto’s scent lingered around Haruka and he could swear that Makoto still wore the same cologne that he wore in high school.  
  
 _There was no way Haruka could run away this time…  
  
_ “Mr. Tachibana…?” His voice sounded so foreign in his own ears.  
  
Makoto was brought out of his reverie by Haruka’s voice, and reacted accordingly. His arms left Hikari’s tiny body, turned on his heels and their eyes met.  
  
“I’m so sorry, I thought we were by our—” Makoto’s voice died; those resigned words now forgotten in the air. Briefly, those green eyes showed a mix of disappointment and shock, feelings that Makoto managed to get under control seconds after as a smile was forced over his thin lips. “Oh, hello.”  
  
Haruka tried so hard to keep the pain flowing inside his chest from showing; never in his life was he ever victim of one of Makoto’s fake smiles, and it stung his soul deeply. “Good afternoon, Mr. Tachibana,” Haruka began, walking forward and extending his hand out. “I’m Haruka Nanase, Hikari’s new swimming coach.”  
  
 _So, they were playing strangers now?  
  
_ “Nice… to meet you, Nanase.” Their hands met in a handshake. Makoto wondered if he was going to catch a cold from the ice that now grew inside his soul. “I’m Makoto Tachibana, thank you for looking after my son.”  
  
His _son_. Haruka’s attention went back to Hikari’s smiling face, a boy who could not feel the tension between the two adults. Makoto had a son; a real, biological,  flesh and blood son. It was obvious that Makoto had moved on without him, probably too fast, while Haruka was still trying to live half alive.  
  
“Hikari... is a really good kid,” he said, not being able to smile like he wanted to. “He got kicked accidentally by another teammate when they were doing laps. For that, I’m sorry.” Was Haruka only sorry just for that?  
  
“So, that’s what happened?” Makoto asked his son.  
  
“But it was just an accident,” Hikari assured while his father got back on his knees in front of him, their green eyes looking back at each other. “I told you I am alright.”  
  
“Of course you are, but you boys should be more careful in the pool.” Makoto smiled warmly, patting his son's head. Hikari smiled. “You should be grateful that Coach Nanase was there when this happened.”   
  
“Yes, I am!”  Hikari’s tiny arms wrapped around his father’s neck, Makoto picked him up from the bed with his two strong hands and stood up. The redhead boy poked his head out from behind his father’s neck and smiled at his coach with honest affection.  “Coach Nanase is the best coach ever!”  
  
Haruka's eyes widened a hair as he felt uneasy, afraid of breaking the child’s expectations.  
  
Makoto and Hikari started having their own conversation, one that Haruka was no longer part of. He couldn't take his eyes away from both father and son, appreciating how they cared for each other. Hikari’s flushed face and Makoto’s bright eyes, it was the most beautiful scene he thought he had ever seen. Haruka felt like part of the background, just like he didn't belong there.  
  
His breaths were slowly becoming more and more thin, and suddenly he felt suffocated. “The swelling should go down within a week, and the bruising should disappear after two weeks,” Haruka informed THEM, breaking their conversation with his eyes straight on the floor. “If you excuse me, I… need to go.”  
  
He decided he couldn't take it any longer and reached out to open the door, but just before he touched the doorknob, Makoto spoke up.  
  
“Nanase,” he called, and Haruka looked over his shoulder catching sight of Makoto and Hikari looking his way. “It was nice meeting you. Thank you for taking such good care of my son.”  
  
There was something hidden in those words, something strong enough to leave him feeling hollow. Haruka nodded, leaving the room and closing the door behind him. It was funny how Makoto looked like someone he used to know.  
  
*  
  
It was already dark by the time father and son left the building. Bright blinding light came in flashes as they drove on the empty highway.  The radio playing a soft romantic song was Makoto’s only company as he drove back home.  
  
Hikari had fallen asleep not too long ago, curled up on the back seat; his body too small to store enough energy to keep him awake past 7 o’clock. Even though Makoto’s eyes were focused on the road in front of them, his mind and thoughts were somewhere else, a place they hadn’t been in a very long time.  
  
 _Haruka Nanase.  
  
_ After all the places he had looked, out of all the places he thought Haruka might be, Makoto never thought Tokyo would be where they’d meet again. Makoto could not erase Haruka’s shocked expression from his mind, how unreadable those blue eyes now seemed to be. He couldn’t stop his mind from replaying the scene over and over again, trying to recall each and every small detail of their encounter, something that could give him any clue of how Haruka felt after meeting up for the first time since _that_ day.   
  
Nothing made sense. What was Haruka doing in Tokyo? How did he end up being HIS son’s coach? And, more importantly, why didn’t Makoto recognize Haruka’s voice over the phone?  
  
His heart ached. This reunion took too long to happen, it wasn’t even supposed to happen. It had been mere accident, a joke from fate. Makoto remembered the question that plagued him since the moment green met blue after nearly ten years after Haruka’s disappearance, one that Makoto had to nearly bite his tongue on in order to keep himself from speaking it aloud in front of his son.  
  
‘Where have you been all these years, Haru?’  
  
Makoto’s green eyes felt tight and he could hardly breathe. A rush of memories from the past ten years hit him hard. In every sleepless night, every time he felt he was not going to make it or even in his darkest nights, Haruka had not been there.  
  
Haruka was nowhere to be found when Makoto needed him the most. The man that used to be his best friend was merely a stranger now.  
  
“Shit…” Makoto cursed under his breath, unable to see past his own tears. He cleaned his tears with his sleeve and, unconsciously, looked over to Hikari’s sleeping figure through the rear-view mirror.  
  
Hikari was his greatest vulnerability, his greatest inspiration. Makoto was certain that Hikari was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Ever since the day he was born, Hikari had always been Makoto’s _light_ _, (_ the reason why Makoto had given him that name) and his source of strength.  
  
That thought was enough to erase part of the sadness in his soul. Makoto was no longer Haruka’s ghost and had grown too strong to fall over the same stone. In the end, Makoto realized that meeting again with his past did not mean anything at all.  
  
Haruka could be Hikari’s new coach, he could live in the same city Makoto did; it did not matter. Ten years ago, Haruka walked out of his life for reasons Makoto couldn’t comprehend, and the door from which he had walked out of his life had long been closed.  
  
Makoto was going to be fine, he just needed time.  
  
*  
  
Memories from the past, presented as cruel nightmares, began to hunt him down the day after. Haruka started waking up in the middle of the night with Makoto’s name stuck inside his throat. It was clear by the fourth night that things were not going to get any better.  
  
Haruka gave up on sleeping that night and sat by the window with a cup of hot tea in his hands. Tired eyes admired the sight of neon lights running across the sleepless city, something completely different to the calm nights of Iwatobi. He took a sip of his tea and wondered if Makoto missed their small hometown as much as he did. The sadness became evident in his blue eyes not too long after that thought crossed his mind.  
  
This was all his fault, all his doing. Ten years ago, he was the one that couldn’t handle a broken heart and rejection. He changed their plans and chose to go to the local University instead, leaving Makoto all by himself at Tokyo University. He rejected Makoto’s calls, and his every attempt of reaching out. He had abandoned Makoto, left him, pushed Makoto out of his life without even thinking twice.  
  
He did all these things by himself thinking it was for the best, but…  
  
“I miss him.” For the first time, he admitted it out loud.  
  
The cup of tea was now forgotten by the window sill and two hands now covered Haruka’s face. Ten years since he had walked away and now their paths had crossed again. It took one look at those green eyes to make Haruka remember how warm his chest would feel each time he caught Makoto staring back at him in the past, how just one smile from him was enough to leave him breathless.   
  
He cursed his luck and own stupidity for falling in love with his best friend. Now what, though? How was he supposed to pretend they were strangers if he couldn’t spend a single night without calling his name? How was Haruka supposed to face him from now on?  
  
Things could only go wrong. This was no fairytale, this was real life and Haruka knew it.  
  
*  
  
“Hikari?” Haruka looked down at the boy and blinked in confusion. “What are you doing here?”  
  
It was exactly a week after the accident when Haruka stood in front of the red-haired boy with a bright smile. Hikari was already in his swimsuit, ready to dive into the pool despite the fact that his nose was still hiding behind a white bandage.  
  
“My Auntie brought me!” Hikari announced happily as he bounced with excitement. “She said that if I promised not to get my head underwater, my nose would be alright!”  
  
“That’s… not how it works,” the coach muttered under his breath.  
  
Haruka squatted in front of Hikari, so their faces were level. “Does your father know you are here?” he asked in a soft tone.  
  
The boy shook his head, blinking rapidly. “Auntie said she would give him a call…”  
  
“But do you think he would be okay with this?” Hikari’s smile dropped.  
  
“I… I don’t know. Maybe not,” the boy responded shyly, while his cheeks slowly heated up in response.  
  
“The swelling has gone down but your nose is still bruised.” Haruka caressed Hikari’s head slowly, fixing his ruffled locks with his long fingers affectionately. “You need to be careful and stay away from any sports activities until it heals completely.”  
  
Big green eyes dropped to the floor. “I know that. Daddy says I should wait another week before swimming again… but I…” Hikari squeezed his lips into a tight line for nearly three seconds before he blurted out, “I just wanted to be back. I wanted to swim with Coach Nanase!”  
  
Haruka’s mouth opened, a small gasp escaping him. He had seen that look before in the eyes of the man that used to be his best friend, in a pair of eyes that didn't belong to Hikari. He saw it in Makoto’s face years ago, each and every time he expressed how much Haruka meant to him.  
  
The strong resemblance to Makoto was uncanny. No matter how much Haruka wanted to fight it, Hikari’s green eyes had become his new weakness. He forced himself to snap out of it, pronto, before his mind intentionally forgot that there was a big gap between his past and his present.  
  
Haruka got back to his feet while Hikari looked up at him curiously. Before the boy could say a word, Haruka took a deep breath and spoke first. “Alright, wait for me in the furthest lane while I tell your teammates what to do,” he started. “You and I are going to work on a different set of exercises that won’t require your head to go underwater.”  
  
The boy's eyes lit brightly. “Yes! Coach Nanase!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments left on chapter one, it was because of them that I felt extra motivated and could finish this second chapter in a week instead of two (like I normally do). You guys are the best!
> 
> Btw, playing strangers with someone that once was super close to you, sucks :'(
> 
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	3. Strangers

It was already past seven in the evening when Haruka changed back into his clothes and gathered his things inside his messenger bag. He was walking down the hall when two kids ran past him, laughing and joking their way out of the building. A small smile crept onto his lips, remembering those days when he was younger and everything was much simpler.  
  
He waved goodbye to the receptionist behind the front desk, but stopped at the sight of a red-headed boy standing by the door, gazing out the window. Haruka raised an eyebrow as he walked over to Hikari.  
  
“Hikari,” Haruka called softly, breaking the boy’s train of thought as their eyes met. “Our class was over almost an hour ago. Why are you still here?”  
  
“A-ah, I’m… waiting for my dad to come and pick me up.” The boy smiled sadly in response. “He must be running late, or… maybe he got busy at work.”  
  
Haruka couldn’t tear his attention away from Hikari’s green eyes, big and worried behind that forced smile, a look he knew far too well. Hikari was nervous, he could practically feel it radiating from the other’s tiny body, probably overthinking his father’s tardiness; but who wouldn’t?  
  
“Have you tried calling him yet?” Haruka offered, not noticing how the receptionist was listening to their conversation carefully from her desk.  
  
“We tried calling him ten minutes ago,” she announced shyly, Haruka looked over his shoulder and met her gaze from across the room. “No response. We left him a voice message but—”  
  
“It’s alright,” Hikari spoke up, gaining back the attention from both adults; the boy was trying his best to flash the most convincing smile on his lips. “There’s nothing to worry about. Dad will be here soon, I know he will.”  
  
But the thing was that Hikari was not the only person in the room that knew Makoto Tachibana. Haruka knew by far that Makoto would never be late for anything or anyone that mattered, especially if it was his son. Makoto was the most punctual person Haruka ever knew, always showing up ten or fifteen minutes before any event than after.  
  
There was no way someone that showed up at the infirmary within minutes after a single phone call regarding his son, would be an hour late to pick the same kid up the following week.  
  
 _What was going on?_ Haruka thought. Makoto’s tardiness didn’t make sense at all.    
  
Haruka’s eyes grew wide in realization as a single thought crossed his mind.  
  
“Hikari,” he said, and the boy’s innocent green eyes were back on his coach again. “Do you know where your father works?”

  
*  
  
Makoto didn’t even realize he was this tired until a knock on the front door woke him up. He found himself surrounded by books, sitting on the floor with his back against the concrete wall of the backroom.  
  
How long did he fell asleep for?  
  
“Oh gosh…” Makoto muttered, blinking his eyes multiple times to clear the haze of sleep away. He looked down at the papers his right hand still held and sighed with annoyance. “I haven't finished the inventory yet.”  
  
Glancing at his wristwatch, Makoto felt horrified to find out it was past seven thirty and stood up in a hurry. “Shit!” he cursed, rushing out of the poorly-lit room and into the lobby, looking for his coat and wallet. “I shouldn’t even be here right now!”  
  
A second knock and two voices coming from the front door interrupted his distressing thoughts. A customer at this time of the night was relatively unusual. He frowned before jogging over to answer the door. Customers that showed up after closing hours were Makoto’s personal headache.  
  
“I’m sorry, but we’re already closed,” he announced, the door already wide open. Makoto’s heart fell to his feet when his eyes landed on a familiar face, eyes blue and striking. Haruka was standing right in front of him, and Makoto, for a second, forgot that it was rude to stare. “Nanase?”  
  
“Hello,” Haruka replied softly, ignoring the mixed feelings that seemed to swarm around inside his stomach.  
  
Makoto wondered if he was dreaming. Was he still back in that room, sleeping on the floor with his head against the wall?  
  
“Daddy…” Hikari’s voice broke the trance-like state Makoto was in and he came back to himself. Forcing his eyes away from Haruka, Makoto looked down and met his son’s concerned face.  
  
And just when Makoto thought things couldn't get weirder.  
  
Makoto had never felt this confused and disoriented before. He got caught completely off guard by the two who were standing in front of the door. What were Hikari and Haruka doing together? What was going on?  
  
Leaving Haruka’s presence for later, Makoto got on his knees and looked at Hikari.  Analytic eyes scanned the boy from head-to-toe, as if trying to catch even the slightest clue on why those two were together. “Hikari, what are you doing here?” he asked patiently. “Why aren't you with Aunt Ran like we agreed?”  
  
Hikari hesitated, taking another second to answer. “Auntie said she was going to tell you,” the boy instantly defended himself, feeling as if he had done something wrong. “S-she said that, if I didn’t get my head underwater, it would be alright.”  
  
“Underwater?” The smell of chlorine that clung to Hikari’s body reached Makoto’s nose, as if Haruka’s presence was not enough for the man to put two and two together. Makoto gasped and looked at his son with disappointment. “Did you go to your swimming lesson even after I told you not to?”  
  
“I, um...” Hikari started, and his eyes went wide as the realization hit him. Embarrassed, the boy dropped his gaze to the floor and bit his lower lip in response.  
  
Makoto sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and feeling another headache coming on. “Just so you know, your Auntie never called,” he announced, standing up straight and crossing his arms over his chest. “So I was not even aware that I had to pick you up from the club at six. Were you waiting for me all this time?”  
  
Hikari nodded.  “I-I’m sorry.” The boy was determinedly staring downwards.  
  
It didn’t feel right to stay mad at his son, even if Makoto knew he was in the right to do so. It didn’t settle well with his heart and made him feel a little bit guilty. Everyone knows that a father’s love for his son runs deep no matter what and Makoto was quite aware that his son meant well.  
  
Life was too simple through Hikari’s eyes, the bad always had a way to becoming good, or good enough to look right. In the end, Makoto knew his son did what he did because he wanted to swim. Hikari couldn’t stay more than a day away from the pool, a subject of several conversations they previously shared during the week, and maybe that was just how he was wired. Somehow, Hikari’s love for swimming pools reminded him of a certain someone he knew.  
  
“We’ll continue this discussion when we get home.”  
  
Green eyes slowly traveled their way up to the man standing behind his son. Haruka was deep in thought himself, attention focused on the bookstore’s sign above the door, so unreachable yet so close.  
  
Somehow just looking at him seemed familiar, and it didn’t take him long to remember how Haruka’s attention span had always been that short. A wave of nostalgia hit him hard, as the small detail was quite enough to remind him of when they were young.  
  
“Nanase.” His voice brought Haruka out of his thoughts and they faced each other. “I’m sorry you had to go out of your way to bring Hikari here. Nobody informed me of this unexpected change of plans.”  
  
“It’s nothing,” he assured quietly, his gaze dropping to the side. “I didn’t really go out of my way. My apartment is just a few blocks away from here.”  
  
“Yes, but… still,” Makoto insisted. He opened his wallet and took out several bills, offering them to the other. “At least let me pay for your gas.”  
  
But as those words were spoken, Haruka’s eyes opened wide in surprise and he stared at the bills before glancing back to the brunnette. “What? I told you, i-it’s fine.” Makoto could hear Haruka’s embarrassment in his voice. It seemed that not even the years would change the fact that Haruka hated to be the center of attention. “You don’t need to pay me. I just did what I thought was the right thing to do.”  
  
Makoto bit his lower lip in thought, not entirely convinced by Haruka’s words. There was something else going on, Makoto knew, but decided to play along and not press the matter.  
  
“Well, thank you,” Makoto said, folding the bills and sliding them back into his wallet. Turning on his heel, Makoto turned off the lights in the store lobby and walked out the door without a warning. Both Hikari and Haruka walked backwards to make some space and watched how the taller man locked the building.  
  
There was something about Makoto’s back that kept Haruka from looking away. Makoto had definitely grown taller, and his back was broader than Haruka remembered. He was no longer the teenager he remembered, and that thought alone was enough to make Haruka shiver.  
  
He missed so many years of Makoto’s life, so many moments that could have turned into shared memories, and it seemed that the reality of it all was finally starting to sink in and bother him.  
  
Haruka figured that he was staring too much for too long because Makoto turned his head to look back at him. “Yes?”  
  
The words dried up and Haruka shook his head, staring helplessly to the side. “Nothing, I just…” But Makoto could see the hurricane inside Haruka’s eyes, all the emotions held prisoner underneath thick ice that refused to let them break free. Clearly, there was something he wanted to tell Makoto. “I have to go.”  
  
"Don't you always?" Makoto smiled with faked innocence, a question that felt like thorns on his tongue coming out.  
  
Haruka had to stop his feet from turning on his heels, staring at a smile that hurt more than he could possibly imagine. His own lips trembled, as if he was suddenly trying not to cry. This resentment was understandable, but Haruka never thought it would hurt this much. “No, I don’t.”  
  
Makoto knew he’d hurt him. Haruka wasn’t too expressive by nature and yet a glimpse of his face was enough to show how those words had obviously stung. It pleased him in a weird way, knowing that he had hurt the other and to see how Haruka was fighting his evident need to run away. After all this time, Makoto could still get those kinds of reactions from Haruka and the satisfaction he felt was indescribable.  
  
“Dad, it’s getting cold.” Hikari slipped his arm around his father’s waist, his voice breaking the tension between the two men.  
  
Makoto came out of his daze and looked down at his son, finding those big eyes staring back at him. “Oh, you are right.” He chuckled, reaching down to pick Hikari up. “Don’t worry, we are about to go home.”  
  
A kiss was placed on Hikari’s cheek and Haruka watched them silently, not wanting to disturb such a  peaceful scene. His eyes couldn't remain still and suddenly they were back in the floor; the wound still fresh and aching, he just wanted this agony to end.  
  
"We'll be leaving first, then," Makoto announced lightly, before turning back to Haruka. “Thanks, again, for taking care of my son.”  
  
“It’s my pleasure, Mr. Tachibana,” Haruka recovered enough to answer, straightening up and meeting with the other’s gaze. “My student’s safety is my highest priority.”  
  
The brunette smiled in response, encouraging his son to say goodbye to the coach before leaving. Hikari waved happily at Haruka and he waved back. When father and son parted, Haruka remained still, watching them leave.  
  
He couldn’t tear his eyes from Makoto as they walked down the dark street. Just like footprints in the snow, Makoto’s hostility had left an unfamiliar ashen taste on his tongue. There was something left unspoken hovering in the air between them; something he sensed ever since their reunion. After all these years, Makoto’s life seemed a mystery to him, a tale not known to many.  
  
Haruka wanted to know, he wanted to find out everything about Makoto. Now that he'd picked open an old wound, it would be only right to let it bleed, let this curiosity take  
over his own thoughts.  
  
*  
  
Two nights later, Haruka found himself standing in the same spot in front of the bookstore while catching his breath. He was wearing his running gear, looking overheated and sweaty, pausing his morning jog just to look through the store’s window.  
  
Haruka eyes wandered over the people going in and out of the store, observing quietly, looking for Makoto’s face in the crowd. He never understood why he came back or why he thought it was a good idea to walk in, but Haruka was sure that those thoughts of Makoto intruding upon his consciousness where the ones to be blamed. Blending in with the customers, he walked down the aisles, his heart beating hard in his chest.  
  
This was dangerous territory. His mind kept screaming that he shouldn’t even be here, but, instead of walking out the door, his feet kept taking him further into the building. Makoto worked here, he could be anywhere and the suspense was killing him.  
  
But he wanted to see him. Haruka wanted to see Makoto one more time.  
  
On the second floor, Haruka spotted a book on a shelf that caught his interest, a book that no one was probably looking for: ‘ _Healing Springs: The Ultimate Guide to Taking the Waters_ ’, the spine read. He removed the book from its resting place and opened it carefully. Haruka’s eyes sparkled with childlike delight, fixated on the pages before him to the point of forgetting where he was at.  
  
Haruka must've been even deeper in his thoughts than he'd thought, because he didn't hear the steps coming near or sensed the presence of Makoto approaching him.  
  
“Are you finding everything okay?” the brunette asked softly.  
  
Haruka jumped at the familiar voice, spinning around and meeting with a face he knew so well. Makoto’s. Haruka felt his eyes widen in surprise, not expecting to find Makoto standing next to him, not this soon. “U-um, yeah. I am!” Haruka wondered if he was blushing. There was a small silence between them, while Haruka tried to compose himself a little. “Hi.”  
  
The taller man smiled, tilting his head to the side slightly. “Good morning, Mr. Nanase,” he replied, “I saw you coming up the stairs and thought I was seeing wrong for a second, but it was really you. What a pleasant surprise.”  
  
Haruka glanced at Makoto, then down at the book he had unconsciously hugged tightly to his chest. He was not quite sure if Makoto was actually pleased to see him or if he was just being polite (he was Hikari’s coach, after all), but hearing that phrase coming out of those lips made Haruka’s face warm and his stomach flip. “I was looking for this book everywhere,” he lied. How was he supposed to look for a book he didn’t even know existed?  
  
Makoto looked at the book in Haruka's hands and couldn't hold in a chuckle, his lips curled into a warm smile afterwards. “Is that the newest ‘Healing Springs’ book?” he asked and Haruka just nodded in response. “You haven't changed a bit, Haru.”  
  
His voice brought back so many buried memories, washing over Haruka and almost stealing his breath away. Hearing his name from Makoto’s lips for the first time in ten years sent a rush of emotion straight into his heart, causing his blue eyes to open wide while a shiver ran down his spine.  
  
Before Makoto realized he said that out loud, he saw the change in Haruka's expression and paused. His eyes widened and regret followed. “I-I shouldn’t have said that.” That had been a reckless move on his part and Makoto felt so stupid. He couldn’t stand in the same spot any longer; his lungs felt like they were on fire and his heart started to race. Makoto found that he couldn't look at Haruka any longer, and turned away. “If you’ll excuse me..."  
  
As Makoto attempted to leave, Haruka reached for his arm, and grasped it firmly. “Wait!” Makoto stopped with his back to the other, waiting for Haruka to say something, unable to move an inch further. Haruka’s eyes sparkled with hope and, before he could lose his nerve, he blurted out a crucial question into the air. “Can we talk, please?"  
  
Having Makoto calling his name was like a green light, lifting his heart and giving him the courage to speak up. At the same time he felt extremely nervous, like unveiling a lost tomb, not knowing what would be on the other side or what to expect.  
  
“What are you trying to do?” Makoto’s voice sounded so bitter, so completely unlike his usual voice, that Haruka was caught off guard. “Pretending you care all of a sudden. It took you long enough, don’t you think?”  
  
Makoto ripped himself from his grasp and Haruka suddenly felt very small.  “I wanted to talk with you, fix things up, but that was ten years ago,” he whispered, looking more upset than Haruka would ever imagined, “Before you disappeared and my world collapsed.”  
  
Haruka swallowed hard, each word stabbing through his chest, making it hard to keep his breathing even. He couldn’t find his voice, he couldn’t speak, Haruka started feeling lightheaded.  
  
“Aren’t we strangers now, Mr. Nanase?” Makoto added and Haruka felt his world contract.  
  
 _That_ hurt.  
  
It felt like he was slipping at the edge of his memories, trying to hold onto something that was no longer there. Suddenly, the book he was carrying in his arms felt way too heavy. “I’m sorry for wasting your time, Mr. Tachibana,” Haruka mumbled, unable to meet those green eyes any longer.  
  
He didn't know where he found the strength, or the will, but he was walking back to the forgotten shelf, leaving the book right where he found it. Haruka ignored his heart shattering into pieces, ignored the green orbs following each and every movement he made, and walked away from that painful scene, his thoughts reeling, leaving Makoto standing there. Haruka knew he had done this to himself, anyway.  
  
Makoto watched as Haruka rushed down the stairs, and an overwhelming feeling of regret blurred his mind. He’d allowed his anger and frustration to turn him against the person he needed the most, pushing Haruka away when he only wanted him to get closer. Makoto had been waiting for this moment for a decade, he had been waiting for Haruka to come back and fix what had been lost, but things just…  
  
Things just…  
  
His pain was deeper. It was embedded into his very soul, the core of his being. Suddenly Makoto just wanted to disappear.  
  
Covering his mouth, Makoto shut his eyes tightly. “I ruined it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And from this chapter on... everything promises to get pretty much more interesting. I seriously cannot wait to start writing chapter four!!  
> These two, ugh!!! They are both trying not to get hurt but they are just doing everything wrong!! Writing this story hurts me like you have no idea!
> 
> Btw, Haruka's book really exists! Look it up at Amazon.com, haha.
> 
> Thanks again for every comment left so far! Your comments are what motivates me to continue this story and write everyday! That's mainly the reason I am posting one chapter per week, so... thank you very much for your support so far! It's truly appreciated!
> 
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	4. In The Dark

“Dad!” Hikari ran down the hall, smiling widely. His white and blue backpack fell off his shoulder to the floor, forgotten, as he hugged his father tight. The sweet scene didn’t go unnoticed by the people around them, even the receptionist tried to hide her smile behind her hand and pretend she hadn’t been staring at them for a while now. “You came early!”  
  
“Hey there, kiddo,” Makoto chuckled, stroking his son’s red hair, still wet from practice. They broke their hug while still smiling, looking at each other with undeniable affection. “Mr. Takano let me close the store a bit early tonight so you and I could start giving these out to your friends from swimming class.”  
  
Reaching into his black pocket, Makoto pulled out a small bundle of light blue envelopes, each sealed with bright red wax. Hikari’s smile went wide, right along with his green eyes, and he gasped. “The invitations for my birthday party!” he exclaimed, “They are ready!”  
  
“Aren’t they nice?” Makoto asked, pleased by the excitement glowing on Hikari’s face. The invitations were just perfect, he knew he had to thank his sister later for designing them. “Your birthday is coming up in two weeks, so I figured we could start giving those out now so none of your friends miss your big day.”  
  
“So cool!” A wild grin broke out onto Hikari’s lips as he took the envelopes from his father’s grip, admiring them closely. “Can I invite anyone I want?”  
  
“Of course you can, it’s your party.” Makoto ruffled his son’s hair, who laughed in response. “You don’t have to ask that question.”  
  
“Awesome!” The boy finally looked up to meet his father’s gaze. “Then… then I gotta invite everyone! Naoko, Ryo, Kintarou, Sakura, and…!”  
  
Hikari went on and on, naming everybody he could think of while Makoto, patiently, just listened. Briefly, Makoto was able to ignore everything and everyone around them, focusing solely on his son’s happiness.  
  
While staring at his son’s smile, Makoto could not help but wish for many things:  
  
He wished he could provide a better life for Hikari, he wished he could get a better job that allowed him to make more money but also spend more time with his son, he wished for Hikari’s smile to never fade away because his happiness was the only reason Makoto still had a smile of his own.  
  
Feeling inadequate that he couldn’t provide a normal life for his son, Makoto always pushed himself to compensate Hikari for the sacrifices which he had made for them. Putting his whole self into it, every ounce of strength and courage he had, Makoto worked as hard as he could just to get a glimpse of that smile at the end of every day of his life.  
  
Makoto treasured his son so much, his _sunshine_.  
  
“Ah, are you leaving already?” the receptionist asked, taking her eyes away from the Tachibanas, as a third person walked into the lobby and stopped next to the front desk.  
  
“Yeah, I’m not feeling well,” a man responded. Makoto tensed, recognizing the owner of the voice echoing loudly through the walls surrounding them.  
  
He raised his head slightly, maybe too carefully, risking a glance of the man standing by the front desk. Haruka, wearing gray sweatpants and a hoodie that matched, waved goodbye to the lady and headed toward the exit behind Makoto’s back. By mere reflex, Makoto’s gaze darted down to the floor instantly, almost blatantly avoiding the other.  
  
It had been approximately two weeks since their last encounter, since the day Makoto rejected **–** what could have been his only opportunity- to fix his relationship with Haruka, a relationship he missed deeply.  
  
Ever since then, they kept their distances from each other; or rather, Haruka kept his distance from him. Invariably Haruka would barely acknowledge Makoto each time he showed up to pick up his son, offering only a perfunctory ‘Good evening’ of his own as he swept past him on the way out.  
  
This was what he asked for, Makoto knew for sure. But instead of finding peace, the pain inside his chest became more unbearable whenever Haruka was close by.  
  
Why wouldn't Haruka try harder? Why did Haruka give up on him so easily…?  
  
Makoto could hear his heart beating in his ears, pounding like a drum, as those footsteps grew louder. His eyes desperately wandered all over the white tile until they landed on his son’s untied shoe laces.  
  
A smile of relief took over his face as he began tying his son’s laces. Makoto keenly made sure to keep his eyes away from Haruka, as he fooled himself while pretending to be too busy to notice how those blue eyes fell on him momentarily as he walked by.  
  
“Get better, Coach Nanase!” Hikari beamed with a wide grin, emerald eyes flashing nothing more than happiness.  
  
Haruka stopped momentarily at the sound of his name. He looked down at the boy and smiled weakly, ignoring the man working on the boy’s laces. Slowly, he ran his long fingers through Hikari's silky red hair and nodded. “See you tomorrow, Hikari. Be good.” And he left by the sound of the door closing behind him. Makoto, then, raised his eyes from the floor and looked over his shoulder to meet with the closed door. He didn’t know why Haruka’s absence would still leave him feeling empty and incomplete.  
  
 _Why did you gave up on me, Haru?  
  
_ _Why did you leave me…?_  


 _Weren’t we… best friends?  
  
_ “Oh! Dad, I know! Listen up!!” Hikari’s voice full of energy broke into Makoto’s thoughts, bringing his attention fully upon him. “I got an idea!”  
  
“Eh?” It took Makoto a couple of seconds to brush away the negativity within his thoughts and focus his attention back on Hikari. “What are you talking about?”  
  
“Coach Nanase!” The boy announced, excitement taking over his voice. “I need to invite him to my birthday party! He needs to come, too!”  
  
Makoto’s breath hitched in his throat, and his world came to a halt. Hikari was looking at him with bright eyes and a proud smile, thinking that maybe this was his best idea ever but, to Makoto, it wasn’t. Horrible, he felt horrible knowing that this was just something he would have to reject.  
  
“O-oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea, Hikari.” His response came out more bitter than he intended to, not realizing how it caused the smile on his son’s face to fade away. But how could Makoto even explain to this boy how his heart ached every time he saw Haruka standing right in front of him? How it killed him to know he couldn’t wrap his arms around Haruka’s body in a hug his soul needed? “Your coach will probably be busy and besides, we… don’t really know him.”  
  
“B-but, Dad, you said I could invite whoever I wanted...”  Hikari said quietly, trying to reason with his father. Makoto felt his stomach clench; his own words were now being used against him. He couldn’t handle being the source of his son’s disappointment. “Coach Nanase is very nice to me, he is the kindest.”  
  
“Yes, I know but…” It was hard, he had never been a good liar. “...I thought you were just inviting your friends. He might get bored with nobody to talk to.”  
  
“You can talk to him!” Hikari responded without a second thought.  
  
“Me…?!” Oh, this couldn’t be happening.  
  
The boy nodded. “Yes, you! You are an adult like him! I-I really want to invite Coach Nanase to my party.”  
  
“But…”  
  
“Please, Dad. It’s going to be _meaningless_ _without him_.”  
  
The lump in Makoto’s throat got bigger. His green eyes opened wide as he recalled those same exact words leaving his lips nearly a decade ago. Just like coming out of the dark, he remembered how his relationship with Haruka had meant everything to him at some point, and the emptiness it left inside his heart when suddenly everything was over and Haruka was gone.  
  
Whatever the reason for his absence was, his days became lonely and meaningless without Haruka.  
  
He looked into his son’s eyes and he saw himself. For a second, Makoto thought he was going to start crying.  
  
Then, he remembered where they were and noticed the people around them. He tried his best to ignore his sorrow and to swallow the pain he had suppressed for years. This was not the right place nor the right time to let it all out.  
  
“‘Kari…” He whispered, carefully bringing his son into his arms. “Let’s talk about this later, shall we?”  
  
Hikari contemplated with curiosity all these emotions he couldn’t name in his father’s eyes. With his head placed against Makoto’s chest, his little ear perfectly aligned to his father’s heart. He could hear that heart beating with sadness, pumping with regret and fear.  
  
The boy was still too young to understand everything around him but, right then, Hikari understood there was something his father was hiding; something that he couldn’t find the courage to ask about. “Ok, Daddy…”  
  
*  
  
The sound of the city was loud, persistent and unnatural, it surrounded everything and everywhere like a blanket that couldn’t keep you warm. The ambulances, the traffic, the loud people talking over the phone; this whole lifestyle was something that Haruka knew he would never get used to.  
  
Where was the silence? Where was the fresh air and his freedom?  
  
Standing a little bit further away from the masses, Haruka wore a face mask and held a heavy paper bag with both hands while walking out of a store. His head felt heavy and his throat felt annoyingly sore. Haruka had been coughing off and on since he woke up that morning and, to be honest, he did feel a little sick.  
  
Haruka knew he shouldn’t be out while feeling this gross, that he should be resting in bed instead of buying art supplies at the department store, but he just couldn’t be alone with his thoughts lately.  
  
If he let his thoughts wander for too long, they would instantly take him back to Makoto, someone who learned to live with Haruka’s absence. What a painful reality, an irrefutable truth he learned a couple weeks ago: Makoto was okay living a life without him.  
  
Haruka’s eyes trembled and his feet came to a stop.  
  
Tightening his grip on the bag, Haruka rehearsed the thoughts that for the last few days had been following him everywhere he went. He was going to keep his mouth shut because it was easier to fool himself, because he knew that his heart had no other option than to accept the fact that it was too late for things to be fixed between him and the one that once was his best friend. But he knew that, no matter where he ended up, he would secretly think of Makoto every single day of his life.

“Maybe I should go back to Iwatobi…” Haruka whispered to himself as his eyes landed on the elevator at the other end of the hall. It was getting late. If he wanted to go home and take a bath before his afternoon lessons, he had to leave right then.  
  
Reaching the elevator, he pushed the 'down' arrow on the wall and waited patiently. The elevator dinged, signaling its arrival as the large metal doors opened in front of him. Just when Haruka was about to step in, his body froze when his eyes landed on the source of his heartache.  
  
Standing inside, Makoto appeared right before him.  
  
They both stared at each other, breathless, unable to move. A thousand questions flashed on each of their faces, a thousand emotions that couldn’t be hidden easily by the unexpected encounter. Makoto’s mouth opened, but nothing came out and their silence persisted.  
  
Haruka took a step backwards; he knew that getting inside the elevator with Makoto would be like living hell upon earth.  
  
He had resolved to keep his distance from Makoto, to leave things the way he left them ten years ago, but just a look into those green eyes could be enough to take away all his self control and break his walls down. There was no way he could do it, there was no way he would be able to take it.  
  
Another step back and he felt the paper bag rip slightly from the side. Nervously, he looked down and covered the rip with his hand, as if that would be enough to prevent the rip from growing wider. Haruka gulped and looked away, he knew he needed to take the elevator before the bag shredded under his fingers.  
  
Haruka stepped inside the elevator and Makoto moved to the opposite side, staying uncharacteristically silent. They stood with an appropriate amount of space between them and the door closed with a thud. Haruka felt a knot growing in his stomach, getting bigger and bigger by every second that passed. His heart was beating so fast against his ribcage and his mind was all over the place that he almost forgot to press the button for the parking garage.  
  
After what had seemed like an eternity, the elevator started moving downwards and Haruka’s blue eyes looked up at the screen where it showed the floor they were currently at. Fourth floor, his destination wasn’t that far from where they were at. Haruka bit his lip, unconsciously holding his breath until his chest ached, he glanced at Makoto out of the corner of his eye and prayed for the elevator to hurry its way down so this awkward nightmare could be over.  
  
But then, like a curse, the elevator suddenly came to an immediate stop. Both Haruka and Makoto tensed when the mechanism cracked, the lights began to flicker and soon they went completely out.  
  
“Oh no…!” Makoto felt his pupils trembling and began panicking. Fumbling in the dark, he managed find his way to the lighted dashboard. Pushing the emergency button over and over, Makoto swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. Being claustrophobic didn’t really help him at all. “No, no, no.”  
  
“We’re… stuck.” Haruka found his voice hidden in the back of his throat. It was so dark, they were both surrounded by an impenetrable and seemingly endless darkness; all he could hear in Makoto’s voice was the tension and stress building up in him. _This couldn’t be good._  
  
“Oh, please don’t say tha—!”  
  
The elevator shook and moved a few inches, again stopping with a loud crack. Makoto yelled in fear, their differences suddenly forgotten, and frantically tried to get back to Haruka through the dark. Just like he always had in the past, Makoto hid himself behind Haruka’s petite body frame and grasped him by the shoulders. “Please get me out of here!”  
  
That touch left Haruka breathless, too breathless to do more than gasp. He knew the weight of that warmth, those hands that used to hold him tight. Haruka was melting under Makoto’s hands, like ice beneath the sun. His mouth and nose were working but the air just wasn't coming through.  
  
It was a fate worse than anything he could have imagined, getting stuck inside an elevator with the person he was helplessly in love with, still after all these years. His heart was hurting to the point that he could barely keep his eyes open.  
  
The paper bag finally tore open and spilled everything all over the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, it's happening...! Those two, getting stuck in an elevator together, I wonder if it's a good thing or a bad thing...
> 
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	5. Out of The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen to this song while reading this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YXVMCHG-Nk

Makoto’s touch sent shivers down Haruka’s spine, like a flash of memories flickering through his mind. It was the first time they had touched in ten years, and Haruka realized that even after all this time, Makoto’s warmth felt like coming home after a stormy night; like summer on his winter skin.  
  
A feeling of uneasiness gripped Haruka and he snapped. He broke their proximity by pulling away from Makoto’s grasp and getting on his knees. His belongings were scattered all over the floor and he began gathering them ungracefully, despite not being able to see past his nose.  
  
Haruka could still feel Makoto’s warmth in the tingling of his skin, burning his shoulders and leaving invisible marks that only his heart could see. It was suffocating him.  
  
Of all the people he could get stuck with, it had to be Makoto. Haruka was not sure if he should be angry or cry in desperation, but he was sure that this was just fate making fun of him.  
  
“A-ah, wait!” Makoto pleaded, when he could no longer feel Haruka around. The taller man caught himself with the rail behind him and hung there, gulping nervously. “Don’t move too much, we’re gonna fall…!”  
  
“We’re going to be fine,” Haruka said, his voice raspy and fighting a cough. Instantly, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and turned the screen on, squinting his eyes when he couldn’t get any reception. “Are you getting service in here?” He asked.  
  
“I-I don’t have my phone with me.”  
  
“Oh.” Haruka sighed desperately. He stood up and pushed his stuff to the side, out of their way. Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned against the railing next to Makoto and focused his attention on the dark floor. There was a small silence between them, the reality of their situation starting to sink in.  
  
“Oh my god, this is it. We’re going to die!” Makoto began to hyperventilate, “We’re trapped in a metal death box...!”  
  
“No, we are not,” Haruka insisted, trying as hard as he could to ignore the anxiety now building up inside his chest. His face began to burn up, and he wasn’t sure if it was due the elevator getting hotter or his own sickness taking over his cheeks. “Help will be coming at some point, just… calm down.”  
  
 _Calm down?_ Makoto couldn't help but think that Haruka had to be joking. They were trapped inside an old elevator with no guarantee that someone from the outside knew about their current misfortune. A thousand drastic scenarios ran inside Makoto’s head, his imagination going wild as his heart rate sped up. Makoto became victim of the illusion that the walls were closing in and the room was getting smaller and smaller by the second.  
  
He had to close his eyes, trying to give himself a break from this nightmare, but there was no use escaping his own fears. The fact that Haruka was standing next to him didn’t matter anymore. They were surrounded by darkness, and it somehow felt as if Makoto was alone with his own thoughts.  
  
Makoto bowed his head to the floor, covering his face completely with his hands and letting out a small whimper. “I’m so hopeless,” he whispered desperately, “How can I possibly help Hikari get over his own fears if I can’t overcome my own?”  
  
Haruka's eyes went wide at the words that echoed inside those four walls. Slowly, he turned to where the voice was coming from and just listened.  
  
“No wonder he’s still afraid of the dark, he took after me.” Fighting the urge to cry, Makoto just pressed his hands harder against his face. There were so many things happening at once, so many things on his plate just driving him crazy. The stress he had been trying to ignore for so long was now taking advantage of his vulnerability and spilled out of his lips without hesitation. “I’m… the worst role model Hikari could ever have.”  
  
That negativity was enough to dry Haruka’s throat, witnessing a side of Makoto he didn’t know. He couldn’t recall Makoto ever being this negative before. He couldn’t remember, not in all the years they shared together. In his memories, Makoto’s smile was enough to warm his heart, to melt the pain away and light up the entire room. His smile was like the sun; it was simply shining.  
  
This new side of Makoto was not one Haruka liked.  
  
“I don’t want him to feel like this...like me. Useless.” Haruka heard Makoto’s broken voice whisper and he couldn’t take it anymore.  
  
“What are you talking about?! You’re the best father Hikari could possibly have, Mako—!”  
  
“Don’t call me that, please!” Makoto growled uncovering his face, breathing deeply, quickly and forcing back his own tears. Haruka's breath got caught in his throat and his shoulders tensed. “Why are you doing this?” Makoto continued, “Why are you even listening to all my rambling?! You don’t even care about me!”  
  
Those words caused the ache in Haruka's chest to throb almost painfully, and he was glad the dark surrounding them hid the terrible look on his face. He did, he really cared about Makoto. Why couldn’t Makoto see that?!  
  
A long silence took place between the two of them.  
  
“Where were you, Haru?!” A question Makoto had been wanting to ask for quite some time came out without hesitation. “Where were you when my whole soul broke into pieces calling your name?”  
  
“I-I…” Yet Haruka realized he had no clue what to say.  
  
“Where were you when everything ended? Where were you when I needed you the most?” Every question came out like vomit, one after the other, spilling out of his mouth uncontrollably. “Where were you the day Hikari was born?!”  
  
Makoto didn't even realize the magnitude of every question he asked until Haruka’s voice sparked into the gloom. “I d-don’t know,” Haruka responded quietly, guilt and pain marking his voice. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop his own tears from falling. “Probably… thinking of you.”  
  
“Oh, you never—!” Makoto began, but he never finished the sentence. He could faintly hear Haruka crying and his guilt soared. His anger began to melt into sorrow, and his legs felt too weak as he took a deep breath to steady himself. Slowly, Makoto dragged his back down the wall and a chill ran down his spine as his body made contact with the cold floor. “One day… you were gone.”  
  
Haruka just listened, speechless, tears falling down his flushed cheeks. There was so much resentment in Makoto’s voice that Haruka didn’t know how to approach it. He took his face mask off, wiping his nose and cheeks with the base of his palm.  
  
“Why?” When Haruka disappeared from his life, Makoto died a little bit inside. He spent days and nights sinking in his own tears, wondering what could have gone wrong. “lf we were best friends, why did you leave me?”  
  
And he knew, Haruka knew the reason why. An answer that became the most drastic decision he’d ever made. His trembling lips hesitated, then were chewed on. After all these years, he was finally able to put his thoughts into words that echoed inside the small elevator. "Because… I wanted to get over you so badly.”  
  
"Did it work?" Makoto asked after a silent pause, quietly.  
  
“...No.” Haruka had never been able to stop thinking about him, never being able to find an end for his heartache. “It never did.” He had been doomed ever since the day he left Makoto.  
  
Makoto drew another shuddering breath, trying to wipe his tears away. This time the silence persisted for over a minute, until Makoto forced a fake chuckle out of lips and spoke again. “You have always been this way; acting upon your emotions without thinking too much.” Makoto’s voice sounded broken. “You’re so selfish.”  
  
It was Haruka’s turn to hold himself from the rail behind his back, almost losing his equilibrium when those words fell heavy on his gut. Exposed and betrayed, Haruka couldn’t think straight anymore. “You rejected me!”  
  
What the heck was he supposed to do? Stay? Ten years ago, Haruka had just been trying to protect himself from a broken heart! Why was he now getting attacked when he was just trying to be sincere and speak the truth? It didn’t make any sense.  
  
But before his thoughts could go any further, Makoto’s voice came out even louder.  
  
“But I never did!” he yelled, “You ran away before I was done speaking and then I never saw you again! I never rejected you, Haru!”  
  
At that moment, something in the air changed, Makoto felt it. A chilly breeze entered the elevator and Haruka's breath stuttered. Makoto heard how the dark silhouette next to him stopped breathing briefly, and wondered what kind of face was Haruka making right then.  
  
“W-what?” Haruka’s grip on the rail became tighter. “You said you were sorry and I thought—”  
  
“I was shocked. You came out of nowhere.” Hugging his knees tightly to his chest, Makoto tried to keep his voice steady. “I'd never — never thought about you in that way. I didn’t even know how to react."  
  
His words were just spilling out now. Not being able to see Haruka made it easier. It was him and his thoughts alone, just like each sleepless night in bed, having his own secret argument with Haruka before falling asleep.  
  
“I was trying to be careful, because it was Haru’s feelings toward me. I wanted time to process the information and think.” Makoto kept going and Haruka felt his heart sinking into the pit of his stomach, a bitterness filling up his mouth. “Haru was so important to me, of course I was going to… to think it through.”  
  
 _Was  
  
_ Haruka _was_ important to Makoto _.  
  
_ Not anymore.  
  
“...I thought you needed time so I gave you some space. Then I heard you were no longer going to be attending Tokyo’s University. Later, you stopped answering my calls and changed your number. Everything happened so fast that I just—” Makoto’s lips trembled. “I couldn’t stop it, I… felt so lost.”  
  
A shudder ripped down Haruka’s spine and his voice was gone once more. His legs couldn’t support him any longer, so he fell onto his butt and remained sitting next to the other.  
  
“It affected me more than I thought it would. I tried to live my life, to move on, but every night I would end up thinking of you,” Makoto continued. “At some point I met this girl, she was beautiful…”  
  
In silence, Haruka begged for Makoto to stop talking. He wasn’t ready to listen to anything regarding a _girl_ , the one who had probably stolen Makoto’s heart in ways he never could. He wanted to cover his ears, to block Makoto's voice, to never find out this part of the story, to disappear. But this time he wasn’t lucky. They were trapped inside this elevator, locked from the world and unable to run away.  
  
“She helped me to forget you for a while.” Makoto smiled sadly. “But nothing lasts forever and months later we broke up.”  
  
Silence.  
  
“...She showed up at my door one day and told me she was pregnant with my child.”  
  
Haruka’s whole mind became quiet, his thoughts disappeared in one full swoop. He knew exactly where this story was heading.  
  
“She wanted an abortion and even had an appointment for the n-next day.” Makoto’s voice cracked and he covered his eyes with his left hand. “I-I couldn't… I couldn’t let her do it, it w-was my baby. My son.”  
  
The truth had never felt so agonizing, so harsh, enough to leave Haruka frozen in shock.  
  
“Later that year, she gave birth to Hikari and left. I h-had to drop out of college in order to take care of him and get a job, but I… had no degree. It was so hard, nobody wanted to hire me.”   
  
Makoto gave up his dreams the day he became a father and chose Hikari’s happiness instead. He knew that he would no longer become a swimming instructor like he had always hoped, that he would have to accept his new fate. He went to so many job interviews, so many job fairs but, in the end, none of the jobs that were willing to hire him paid well enough for Makoto’s stress to become non-existent.  
  
He never knew that becoming a single parent at such a young age would be this hard.  
  
“My parents were so… so mad, but they still helped with what they could. I d-didn’t know what to do. Everything just...” His words trailed off and his tears kept falling. “I was s-so scared. I needed you so badly, Haru…!”  
  
There was so much out there, so many things that Makoto had revealed at once, Haruka’s head felt as if it was about to explode. He was struggling with all the emotions locked in his chest at once, feeling so many things that he just couldn’t hear his own thoughts.  
  
Makoto’s life became a tragedy the moment he stepped out of the picture, everything took a drastic turn and Haruka couldn’t bare with the guilt now stabbing into his chest over and over.    
  
“I-I am so sorry!” Haruka cried, hiding his nose and mouth with his hands. “S-so sorry! I didn’t know…!”  
  
 _Was it too late for an apology?_  
  
Everything came crashing down all at once: The guilt, the sorrow, the agony. He kept crying tears of pure emotional overload, repeating over and over: ’I’m sorry’, ‘I didn’t know’.  
  
Gosh, everything made sense for him now. It had all been a terrible, TERRIBLE misunderstanding. Ten years ago he thought he had been rejected by his best friend, ten years ago he kept his distance thinking it was better this way, and then ten years had passed and Makoto’s life was no longer what Haruka thought it would always be.  
  
Haruka closed his eyes tightly and began coughing, this time, uncontrollably. He couldn't stop, the more he tried the worse it got. He found himself on all fours with one of his hands to his throat, coughing.    
  
“H-Haru?” Makoto asked, his tears silenced by worry. Even though his heart felt lighter now that the truth had been told, he hesitated and just listened to the other. Makoto couldn’t remember seeing Haruka cry like this before, it not only tore at his heart but it also scared him. He could tell Haruka was in pain. He could tell that, in all this time apart, he hadn’t been the only one suffering. “Are… are you okay?”  
  
Haruka couldn't stop the coughing nor crying his heart out, and the lack of response was enough to set red flags off in Makoto’s mind. He crawled his way in the dark, feeling the floor until he reached Haruka’s leg. “H-hey, breathe.” His warm hand found it’s way to Haruka’s back, and began rubbing it. “It’s okay, Haru. We’re… we’re fine. Please breathe.”  
  
Haruka began relaxing at the familiar touch, his throat sore and his body aching. “F-forgive me.” He closed his eyes and focused on his own breathing.  
  
Makoto wrapped his arms around Haruka, holding him like a child; his fears for the broken elevator completely forgotten by now. “Shh, you’re fine,” he whispered. Deep inside he knew that it was still too soon to forgive and forget. “We… just need time, that’s all.”  
  
They both knew they couldn’t ignore the necessity to have the other back into their lives. They had both tried to live without the other for so long that they barely remembered how to smile. Haruka’s long fingers dug into Makoto’s shirt and held onto him for dear life. Once he calmed down, Haruka hid his face in Makoto’s neck and focused on the other’s scent. 

“W-woah, you’re burning up!” Makoto placed the back of his hand against Haruka’s cheek without breaking their embrace and his worry only increased. “Why are you even out of bed? You’re sick!”  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
“No, you’re n—!”  
  
Just before Makoto was done speaking, the elevator began shaking. Both men screamed in fear, holding onto each other tightly. When the elevator dropped violently, Makoto could feel his fears coming back to him. “H-Haru!”   
  
 _This is it!_ This was the end!  
  
“Mako...to!” Haruka wrapped his arms around Makoto’s neck, bringing him flush against his chest and pulled him down to the floor with him. It was in his nature to protect Makoto, despite their height difference. All Haruka had ever wanted since he was a boy was to keep him safe. Makoto’s eyes went wide in response, shocked to find himself back in the place where he belonged.  
  
The lights flickered back on a second later and the elevator came to a stop. It was so bright at first that the two of them struggled to keep their eyes open.  
  
“W-what happened…?” Makoto asked, his green eyes adjusting to the light. “Is it over?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Haruka began.  
  
And, for the first time since the light came back, their eyes met. Haruka was partly on top of Makoto with their legs tangled together. They looked at each other with tear-streaked faces, shocked and unable to hide the raw emotions behind their puffy eyes. Makoto’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of Haruka’s tears. For the last forty-five minutes he felt trapped in his own feelings, as if this was a dream and he was just rambling to himself; but the evident pain and regret in Haruka’s eyes was enough to make Makoto understand that this was all real.  
  
“Ha...ru…” he whispered, resisting the urge to raise his hand and caress Haruka’s blushing cheek.  
  
Haruka didn’t respond this time, just stared back at Makoto with his trembling eyes. He was holding himself back, trying his hardest not to throw himself at Makoto and force the other man into a hug. There were still so many things between them, so many questions they had. Haruka learned so many new things about Makoto’s life in the last forty-five minutes, and the information still lingered inside his head as he tried to process it. He knew that they couldn’t just pretend things were okay.  
  
Both men were still so lost in their moment that they missed the sound of the heavy doors finally opening to the parking garage.  
  
“Ahem,” they heard a voice say, and jolted apart. Haruka crawled off the other as Makoto turned around to see a security guard standing by the open doors. “Are you folks okay?”  
  
“A-ah, yes!” Makoto responded.  
  
“About time,” Haruka mumbled. Standing slowly, he smoothed out the wrinkles in his clothes and grabbed his belongings from the corner where he left them. His face mask was forgotten on the floor, but Haruka was too embarrassed to even care.  
  
Haruka exited the elevator while Makoto was still talking with the security guard and hurried down the parking garage, his heart beating fast. He needed a long bath; he needed to soak and relax and let the water take these new feelings away.  
  
He wanted to think things through before he could mess anything up again.  
  
“Haru!” Makoto’s voice echoed through the parking garage and Haruka stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes widened as a single thought crossed his mind:  
  
 _Was he… running away again?_  
  
Haruka could hear Makoto’s steps rushing to where he stood, he could hear his name being called over and over and felt his heart stir with affection. Makoto was reaching out for him, Makoto didn’t want to let him go.  
  
Suddenly, a shiver ran up his back and he hugged his belongings tightly to his chest.  
  
Haruka was tired of running away, tired of being the reason for Makoto’s distress. Haruka knew it was time to face his feelings towards Makoto and let fate take care of the rest.  
  
“W-wait up!” Makoto panted. His feet stopped right behind Haruka, hands on knees as he caught his breath. “Where are you going? We haven’t—.”  
  
“I still have your phone number from that time,” Haruka interrupted, without facing the other. He was so nervous, but he had to say it before he backed out. “If you let me, I... really want us to be friends again.”  
  
Ten years ago he ran out of Makoto’s life and closed a door that he now begged to find unlocked. He understood what his own stubbornness had caused, but he also felt an urgency to do things right this time.   
  
“Haru.” There was something in the way that Makoto called his name that Haruka couldn’t resist, and he turned around to look at his face. He found a smile on Makoto’s lips and his whole world stopped for a while. Had Makoto’s smile always been this… beautiful? “I’ve been wanting to hear that from you for the last ten years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freaking Damien Rice and his songs, they are just.... pfjkjsdjsdj perfect! Perfect for the ANGST and everythiiing! I basically had "The blower's daughter" in repeat for a long time while writing this chapter. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YXVMCHG-Nk ) 
> 
> Now Makoto's tragic past is out, and things are starting to make a little more sense...
> 
> Poor Haru, he received SO MUCH information at once... but HEY! Things can only get better from here on, right? ;)
> 
> This second song, "¿Donde estabas?" (Where were you?), is actually the reason why I began writting this story. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph_2DOhNWTk ) Despite the fact that this song sounds 'happy', its actually pretty sad... and describes PERFECTLY how Makoto felt when Haruka left. (Makoto's lines were inspired by the lyrics of this song in this chapter)
> 
> From now on, well... let's see what happenes.
> 
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	6. The Invisible Connection

The overwhelming sound of splashing water echoed around the pool, where elementary schoolers took their afternoon swimming lessons. Standing near the edge, arms crossed and somehow bored, Haruka analyzed each of his student’s forms as they swam. Their kicks, their speed, the timing in between their breaths, everything; there wasn’t any detail those blue eyes would miss.  
  
His attention then drifted from his class to the large clock hanging over the entrance. Five more minutes and his last lesson would come to an end. Brushing his bangs aside, he sighed.  
  
 _Good,_ Haruka thought in relief, he was tired of the crowds and loud noises. He hoped that this last five minutes went by fast. He wanted to get out of there fast, hop into his car and hurry back home where his bathtub waited.  
  
As Haruka turned around to go back and keep coaching his students, he spotted a certain someone watching his class from the second floor.  
  
Smiling widely, Makoto sat on a bench by the window as his bright eyes scanned the pool looking for his son. Haruka blinked, surprised that Makoto could make it before the class was over this time. Wasn’t Makoto supposed to be still at work?  
  
Now that he thought about it, this was the second Wednesday he saw Makoto out of the bookstore. Exactly a week ago, they got stuck inside an old elevator at the mall.  
  
 _The elevator...  
  
_ Haruka’s heart pounded against his chest, fluttering like a caged bird. Many things were said, words were exchanged, and ever since that day the tension between Makoto and Haruka started melting away.  
  
Before his thoughts could take him any further, Haruka noticed that Makoto was now looking right back at him, waving eagerly, and he felt himself flush. Shyly, he waved back at him before looking away and pretending that the goggles hanging on his neck was now the most interesting thing in the world.  
  
Haruka couldn’t get used to the idea of being part of Makoto’s life again. It felt so surreal and new, yet so natural. Sure, they were both still testing the waters between them (careful with their words, trying not to overwhelm the other with so much affection), but being friends with each other felt just like pressing ‘play' on a movie you kept on ‘pause' for a while.  
  
There was no awkwardness left between them, they interacted with each other still with the same chemistry they did years ago. He spent the last ten years away from Makoto, only to find out that his chest would still feel warmer whenever Makoto called his name.  
  
Haruka caught himself smiling at these thoughts.  
  
“Coach Nanase!” one of his students called and Haruka snapped out of his thoughts just in time to remember it was time to finish the lesson.  
  
Clapping his hands together, he crouched near the end of the pool as his students started gathering around him. He spoke with them briefly for a minute until the kids started pulling themselves out of the pool.  
  
The class was over and, within seconds, the pool emptied when the kids rushed into the showers. Haruka stood next to the pool by himself, momentarily contemplating his reflexion on the water while seconds passed. It was as if he knew that, if he waited long enough, Makoto would show up and meet with him like he always did.  
  
And, not too long after, he did. When he heard Makoto coming, Haruka looked up and their eyes met by the pool.  
  
“Thanks for your hard work, Haru." Makoto greeted him with a smile that seemed far too bright. He could tell that Makoto was so happy to be there.  
  
“Thanks.” He replied, probably paying too much attention to the way Makoto’s eyes had lit up when their gazes met. “You… are early today.”  
  
“Oh, that’s because wednesday is my day off,” Makoto clarified, and with a chuckle, he added, “It's the only day during the week when I get to feel like a normal person again.”  
  
“Wednesday is?” Haruka asked softly, truly curious,  “Does your job require you to work on the weekends, too?”  
  
“Only on saturdays, but we close by two in the afternoon and I get to spend the rest of the day with Hikari, so it's not that bad.”  
  
Haruka could only nod in response, a pang of pity blooming in his chest. How many hours a week does Makoto work? This conversation took him back to what he learned from Makoto’s life the week before - his work situation.  
  
He couldn’t help but wonder if Makoto made enough money on his current job, if sacrificing time away from his son was compensated with a good salary by the end of the month. Yet, Haruka suspected that Makoto was underpaid and overworked.  
  
His mouth opened, Haruka looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, their conversation was postponed for later when Hikari exited the locker room.  
  
“Oh, hi.” Makoto called warmly and the boy smiled shyly in response.  
  
“Did you see me swimming that last lap, daddy?” Hikari asked, walking past Haruka and greeting his father with a warm hug.  
  
“Yes I did.” Makoto responded, wrapping his arms around his son and kissing his forehead. “You did great, Kari. I am positive you will become the greatest swimmer ever if you keep working hard for it.”  
  
 _Kari._ Haruka couldn’t hide the smile that formed on his lips when he heard that nickname coming out of Makoto’s mouth. It was sweet, short and full of innocence. It made Haruka realize how Makoto would always give a nickname to the people he loved.  
  
Hikari smiled under his father’s arms and nodded. “I’m hungry.”  
  
“Are you ready to go home, then?” Makoto asked and Hikari nodded.  “Your goggles, your swimsuit. Is everything packed inside your bag?”  
  
Hikari nodded again. “I am not five, dad.”  
  
“A-ah, you are right.” Makoto laughed.  
  
Both father and son broke their embrace to place their attention back on the third person in the room - Haruka. In reaction, Hikari smiled while Makoto scratched the back of his neck. “I guess we should get going, then.”  
  
“What are you guys going to have for dinner?” Haruka asked.  
  
“Um, I don’t know yet,” Makoto responded. “I’ll have to check my fridge and come up with something.”  
  
“That’s… kinda scary.” Hikari admitted and Makoto’s cheeks lit up with embarrassment.  
  
“W-w-what is that supposed to mean?!” Makoto asked, but the boy just shrugged and looked away.  “H-hey, Hikari! Don’t ignore me!”  
  
Haruka tried to hold back a small laugh, but failed. He burst out laughing, and Makoto had to stop and stare because his friend’s laughter sounded absolutely adorable. He couldn't help but pay a little more attention to Haruka’s laugh, after all it was rare to hear him laugh so openly.  
  
“Now you are the one ignoring me, dad!” Hikari complained, pulling at Makoto’s sleeve.  
  
“A-ah, I’m sorry.”  
  
“I’ll be cooking green curry tonight, you two should come and join me.” Haruka offered casually, surprising himself by the sudden and unexpected invitation coming from his own mouth. It seemed that he was not the only one surprised by such invitation, because both Makoto and Hikari were looking at him with their big bright green eyes, as if he had just said the magic words for something special.  
  
“R-really?” Makoto hesitated to ask. “I mean, we would love to but we don’t want to intrude.”  
  
Haruka found himself under the spotlight, feeling the attention now all over him. Yet, suggesting for Makoto and Hikari to come over felt so natural, so right and simple, that the words just slipped out without a single warning. He gulped.  
  
Well, it wasn’t like Haruka would mind some company for dinner, especially if that company was a certain brunnette and his son. Besides, ever since the elevator incident Haruka had been secretly waiting for an excuse to spend more time with Makoto outside of the swimming club.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Haruka shook his head and looked to a side in a failed attempt to hide the embarrassment showing on his cheeks. “It’s fine,” He said softly, “I would love to have you and Hikari over for dinner.”  
  
Makoto and Hikari smiled widely, exchanging looks of excitement briefly before the youngest laughed in glee. “We’re going to Coach Nanase’s house!”  
  
*  
  
The apartment was quiet except for the sound of water running in the kitchen sink. It was past nine and the sun had gone down a while ago. Hikari was sleeping on the couch in the living room, exhausted from swimming practice and still full from dinner. In the kitchen, Haruka and Makoto stood next to each other while they worked on the dishes together.  
  
They shared small talk while Haruka washed the dishes carefully and Makoto dried them with a white cloth. It was a simple task, one that they were completing together in a natural manner.  
  
In the middle of drying a white bowl, Makoto’s eyes traveled to the fridge and noticed a blue envelope secured with a magnet to the door. It took half a second for a smile to cross his thin lips when he recognized it as his son’s invitation. “Hikari was… really excited when he invited you to his birthday party.” Haruka drifted his eyes back to Makoto, his attention now fully on him while he kept listening. “He really likes you, Haru.”  
  
“Hikari is… a good kid.” Haruka said gently, eyes back on the dishes he was washing.  
  
“He is,” Makoto’s smile became more gentle, trembling on his lips as a wave of emotions ran across his chest. He paused, taking a moment to reevaluate his own thoughts, “He really is.”  
  
Haruka sensed the change in the air surrounding him and took his attention back to the taller man standing next to him. Makoto inhaled sharply and exhaled after, biting his lower lip while keeping himself busy with the cloth. There was something in those green eyes that told a story of a broken soul, a story Haruka knew by fragments but not entirely.  
  
“He… is a really good boy, Haru.” Makoto whispered. “He never complains, he never asks questions. Hikari just smiles and makes my life better."  
  
 _He sounds just like you_ , Haruka thought as he kept scrubbing a pan with a sponge.

The water kept running, splashing and echoing through the kitchen walls as Makoto paused his thoughts for a second. His green eyes then wandered back to Haruka and admired his nose and reddish lips. “Did you know that I wanted to name Hikari after you?”  
  
Haruka’s hands froze under the running water and his blue eyes opened wide in response. The look on Haruka’s face was precious; completely taken by surprise by this sudden revelation.  
  
“O-of course you didn’t. We were not talking back then.” Makoto scratched the back of his neck, suddenly very embarrassed of the information that just slipped out his lips. But there was no turning back, so he kept going. After all, it had been years since Makoto had been wanting to share this information with him. “Your name felt like nostalgia in just one word, reminding me of the days when everything in my life seemed so simple and bright.”  
  
“Oh…” Blushing, Haruka tried to ignore how his heart was beating hard against his ribcase and just nodded. What was he supposed to say?  
  
“In the end, I realized that naming my son after you wouldn’t bring you back to my life. That’s why I named him ‘Hikari’ instead.” Makoto admitted quietly, his smile losing some of its shine. “It sounds similar to ‘Haruka,’ and it was enough for me.”  
  
“You… gave him a girly name, too.” Haruka said, trying his hardest to hide the embarrassment now burning his cheeks. Haruka wondered how Makoto was capable of saying such things that easily.  
  
Makoto blinked twice and then laughed lightly. “That’s true,” he said, “I guess I was trying not to break the tradition.”  
  
“It’s alright, I like that name,” Haruka assured, the dishes now forgotten in the sink. He turned his face completely and faced the other. “It means _light,_ it suits him.”  
  
It was just then that something in the air between them, and some hidden message was told in the way they looked at each other. For Makoto, it was as if suddenly he remembered the language their eyes used to speak before distance occurred.  
  
His heart skipped a beat when he realized that he could finally read Haruka’s silences again. Their invisible connection between them had just been reestablished.  
  
There were so many things that he could read from Haruka’s eyes, but it was clear as water that Haruka wanted to bring peace to Makoto’s heart. Just a glance of those blue eyes was enough to see how badly Haruka wanted to stay this time, how much he wanted to do things right, how seriously he was taking this second time and how much he cared.  
  
Makoto took an extra second to contemplate Haruka’s face for a while, noticing how handsome he had gotten over the years they had been away. He noticed Haruka’s thick eyebrows and delicate cheekbones, how those lips seemed so full, pink and tender.  
  
In the end, Makoto had to force himself to look away, close his eyes and smile even wider. “Right?”  
  
*  
  
Hikari woke up to his father’s voice echoing from the kitchen and an urgency to go to the toilet. Still a little disoriented, he walked down the unknown hall while looking for a bathroom to use. He ended up poking his face inside the nearest door, curiosity filling his green eyes once they landed on a queen sized bed across the room.  
  
 _This is Couch Nanase’s bedroom_ , Hikari realized.  
  
Hesitating, Hikari walked into the bedroom,  eyes wandering around every corner of the four walls. The room was extremely clean; cleaner than his father’s bedroom had ever been. The bed was perfectly made, freshly folded clothes laying on top. There was a bookshelf and a desk on the other side, a poster on the wall across and pictures hanging on the wall.  
  
But there was something unusual in the room, a unfamiliar vibe that Hikari couldn’t put a name to. A shiver of loneliness rushed up Hikari’s spine. He slowly walked across the bedroom toward the tidy desk where a sketchbook rested. Hikari looked over his shoulder before flipping through the sketchbook and admiring all the drawings that filled those pages. There were drawings of everything you could imagine: hands, unfamiliar faces, animals of all sorts, unfinished sketches, and so much more.  
  
He was halfway through the sketchbook when his attention then drifted to a picture frame standing right on the corner of the wooden desk. It was an old photo, Hikari could tell by the faded colors that portrayed the image of a young Coach Nanase and another man.  
  
Hikari's eyes widened and he grabbed the photo off the desk and held it in both hands, looking closer at the two figures. In a heartbeat, he recognized the smiling brunette man next to his coach as his own father, and suddenly everything became more confusing for the boy.  
  
In the photo, his father and coach stood next to each other, posing in front of an old temple. Haruka proudly held an odd-looking lucky charm in his hand while Makoto flashed the victory-sign with his own hand. The old picture left quite an impression on Hikari because he had never seen his father smiling like this before. In all his years of life, Hikari had never seen him that happy.  
  
Hikari’s mind was still trying to process the piece of information he held in his hands, when his father voice calling his name from the the hall pulled him out of his thoughts and forced him back to reality.  
  
“Hikari? Where are you?” Makoto’s voice insisted from the other side of the apartment, “We’re leaving.”  
  
“C-coming…!”  
  
The picture frame didn’t make it back to the desk. Instead, it ended up hidden under Hikari’s shirt as he left the bedroom and turned the light off on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a little bit longer to come out; my life got a little bit crazy all of a sudden and it was hard to get inspired for a while. Anyway, thank you guys for all your support! Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter :D! Have an awesome week!! (Its too early in the morning, I can't think of anything else to add on this notes, lol.)
> 
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	7. Three Words

The moon found Makoto lying in bed that night. No shirt, just a pair of black briefs that remained hidden from the world under his blue bed sheets. He was wide awake, staring at the window where the stars would hang at night. He blinked slowly, his thoughts full of Haruka, dwelling on him, clinging to the memories of hours away.  
  
Just a few hours ago Makoto and Hikari had dinner at Haruka’s for the first time, and Makoto still found it hard to believe. He inhaled and let out a sigh; he was feeling completely restless.  
  
When they were in high-school, Makoto found himself invited to Haruka’s house for dinner at least three times a week, it was their unbreakable routine. Back then, Haruka’s place had been like Makoto’s second home, but after ten years he found himself sitting across the table from Haruka just like the old days. Something inside his heart clicked at the thought and made his chest feel warmer.  
  
It was almost impossible to believe that a week ago they were still pretending to be strangers. During their dinner, Makoto forgot that time went by between them, believing their souls were reconnecting after all this time away from each other.  
  
“Oh gosh…” Makoto whispered, taking a deep breath and rolling to the other side of the mattress. He couldn’t lie to himself, he was still too scared to let Haruka completely back into his life. Makoto didn’t want to get hurt again, he was afraid of falling back into something it took him years to overcome. “What am I doing?”  
  
 _Was it okay to… trust Haruka again?  
  
_ The door opened slowly, the light from the hall penetrating the darkness of Makoto’s room, and Hikari peeked his head in. Makoto squinted his eyes, trying to adjust to the light. “Hikari?”  
  
“Can we…?” The boy began with his eyes on the floor, trying to run away from his own embarrassment, “Can I sleep with you, daddy? I-I’m scared.”  
  
Makoto blinked twice, then once more, trying to arrange his thoughts before smiling softly at his son. He should have seen this coming, just like he had for the past month. “Come here,” Makoto responded, knowing deep inside that this wasn’t the right way to help Hikari get over his fear of the dark. He lifted his bed sheets up signaling he wanted Hikari to join him and the little kid didn’t think twice before running into his father’s bed.  
  
The door was left open, letting the light in, and Makoto wondered if he would be able to sleep that night. No matter how tired he was, Makoto had never been able to sleep with the lights on ever since he hit his twenties, but he said nothing, just like he always did for his son’s sake.  
  
Wrapping an arm around Hikari’s small body, Makoto covered them both with the warm bed sheets and readjusted himself over the mattress. “It’s alright, Hikari,” he said softly, leaving a kiss on Hikari’s head. “Just smile at your fear and don’t let it bother you anymore.”  
  
“But how can I do that?” Hikari asked, pressing his back against Makoto’s chest to enjoy his warmth. “I am really trying but the darkness is so scary.”  
  
“What if we start talking about things that make you happy?” Makoto proposed, “Like eating chocolates or swimming.”  
  
“Or eating dinner with Coach Nanase,” Hikari added so casually, causing Makoto’s breath to catch in his throat for half a second.  
  
“Y-yeah, that too.”  
  
The boy giggled in his father’s arms.  
  
“Did you have fun tonight?” Makoto asked carefully while leaning his chin on top of Hikari’s head. The boy nodded. “You seem to really like Coach Nanase,” he continued.  
  
 _And that’s a scary thought_ , Makoto added in his head. If things didn’t work out with Haruka and their friendship crumbles for the second time, Makoto knew that Hikari would be the one who would be in more pain.  
  
“I do. Coach Nanase is so cool. He is the best swimmer I’ve ever seen.” Hikari grinned sheepishly and looked up at his father. “Can I tell you a secret?”  
  
“Sure,” Makoto answered.  
  
“I think Coach Nanase wants to be your friend.”  
  
With great impact, those words woke up a feeling inside Makoto’s chest that couldn’t be ignored, a feeling that tasted like hope and lighted up his heart.  
  
“We are friends already.” Makoto tried to smile, but he felt too nervous to fake it.  
  
“Well then, he wants to be your bestest mega-best friend!”  
  
“Hikari…” _Why are you giving me hope?_ Makoto thought, “What makes you think that?”  
  
The boy rearranged himself on bed, turning completely to face his father with a wide grin. “Because you are the only parent Coach Nanase speaks to,” he admitted. “None of my friends’ parents have spoken to Coach Nanase for more than a minute, but Coach Nanase always stays after class when you are around. That’s because he  likes you, daddy.”  
  
It wasn’t hard for Makoto to believe his son’s words. Haruka had always been a loner, preferring his own company over that of others. Makoto knew that better than anyone. It made sense, yet...  
  
‘ _I like you…_ ’, Haruka’s voice echoed a hundred times inside Makoto’s head, and his green eyes squinted a little. Memories of the night he broke Haruka’s heart came as if happening all over again. Makoto had to force himself to close his eyes for a couple seconds just to keep his mind from going any further.  
  
“He… is just being nice, Kari,” Makoto insisted, but Hikari shook his head stubbornly and kept going.  
  
“But he cooked green curry for us, and that’s your favorite dish in the whole world.”  
  
Makoto bit his lower lip, trying to keep himself from believing in secret codes and hidden meanings. “I know, but that doesn’t mean anything.”  
  
“Daddy, he…”  
  
At that point, Makoto realized he had enough. Unexpectedly for the other, Makoto placed his hand on the back of Hikari’s head and pushed him forward until the boy’s face ended up pressed against Makoto’s chest. “It’s okay, I get it.” He said, ruffling Hikari’s red hair. “Let’s drop it now.”  
  
Hikari struggled until he managed to free himself from his father’s grip and frowned, feeling slightly betrayed. “H-hey! That’s mean.”  
  
“Sorry, sorry.” Hikari was greeted by Makoto’s soft laugh. “But still, it’s getting late and you have school tomorrow. Try to sleep now, alright?”  
  
Defeated, the boy let out an exaggerated sigh and nodded. “Fine, I’ll try.”  
  
Makoto smiled and rearranged the sheets over their bodies as Hikari cuddled against his father’s chest, closing his eyes in an attempt to clear his mind. Several minutes passed in silence and Makoto couldn't close his eyes even for the briefest of moments.  
  
Restless, he couldn’t stop Hikari’s words from repeating over and over inside his head. What if Hikari was right? What if Haruka really was trying to get closer to Makoto? He was currently working his grounds around Haruka, trying to make this friendship steady enough to stand by itself but...  
  
 _I don’t want to hurt him again.  
  
_ Thinking back to the day they both got stuck inside the elevator, Makoto recalled that Haruka mentioned not being able to get over Makoto despite the distance and the years they’ve spent apart, but what exactly does that mean?  
  
Was Haruka still in _love_ with Makoto?  
  
Taking a deep breath, Makoto tried his hardest to stop thinking for a while and give himself a well deserved rest. This was not the time or the place to be thinking about something THAT complicated. But, if not now… then when?  
  
“Daddy,” Hikari’s sleepy voice broke into Makoto’s train of thoughts. Makoto looked down and noticed that Hikari’s eyes were still closed as he spoke. “I’m glad that you are finally friends with Coach Nanase. I know he is happy.”  
  
Makoto's heart pounds in his chest, and suddenly he couldn't form any words to reply. He nodded, looking back to the window where the moon was shining through. “Yes.” he responded. “I am… happy too.”  


*  
  
For the past fifteen minutes, Haruka had been sitting inside his parked car, asking himself a single question over and over again: How could he have thought coming to Hikari’s party was a good idea?  
  
Haruka kept looking through the window, seeing the balloons and decorations that announced a birthday party in a park full of green trees.  
  
Adults were chatting, and kids were running around playing tag. He recognized a few kids from his swimming class and felt a little more anxious than he did two seconds ago.  
  
What was he thinking? He didn't even like to be around other people, crowds, or loud noises. What the heck was he doing here, then?  
  
Haruka sighed, his breath fogging the window before fading away.  
  
Despite his current stress, he knew why he had accepted to come in the first place. Haruka would never forget how excited Hikari was when he invited him, how he came to him with the biggest smile and a blue envelope in his hands.  
  
Hikari had promised him it would be fun, but only now had Haruka realized that Hikari and him had a different definition of ‘fun'.  
  
Nervous blue eyes traveled to the passenger seat where a neatly wrapped present in blue and green waited to be delivered. His hands began sweating where they lay on his lap. Haruka took a deep breath and looked back through the window.  
  
Would anyone notice if he didn’t show up? He was good at making excuses and untangling himself from social events like this one. Leaving now wouldn’t be hard to do. Feeling like he was running out of time, he decided to leave while he still remained unnoticed by the crowd.  
  
He was aware that Hikari would be upset if he didn’t show up, but Haruka didn’t feel capable of socializing with a crowd of unknown faces that ask too many questions.  
  
He was about to start the car when a red SUV parked right next to him. His eyes fell instantly on the woman sitting in the passenger seat and she turned around to stare back at him.  
  
Haruka recognized her immediately, and his soul froze.  
  
The woman covered her mouth with one hand and her eyes were unable to hide the excitement flowing through her face. She turned to the driver and pulled the man’s sleeve over and over until he peeked past her and found Haruka looking back at them from a car parked next to theirs.  
  
 _Oh_ , he recognized that man as well.  
  
Haruka’s hand was still holding his car keys, unable to turn them and start the engine, when he realized he was doomed.  
  
Before he could even blink, the woman got out of the SUV and started calling his name.  
  
“Oh, Haru! Is that really you?” She asked with the most beautiful smile painted on her lips, “Please get out the car so I can give you a hug.”  
  
Haruka swallowed hard and mustered up all his courage to nod and open his door. Makoto’s mother stood right next to him, smiling kindly as they exchanged glances for a second.  
  
Mrs. Tachibana was the first to move forward, wrapping her warm arms around Haruka in a motherly way that left him speechless. She smelled like childhood dreams and a sweet home. “Aw, look at you!” She said, breaking their hug just to take a closer look at his face, “I can’t believe how much you have grown! You’ve gotten so handsome in the last few years.”  
  
“A-ah, not really,” Haruka managed to say before Makoto’s father stepped into the scene.  
  
“How are you doing, son?” Mr. Tachibana asked with a hand on Haruka’s right shoulder, “We’re glad you made it to Hikari’s party this year.”  
  
 _This year?_ How much did Makoto’s parents know?  
  
“Good afternoon, sir,” Haruka replied, overwhelmed by the many emotions trying to settle down in his chest all at once. His blue eyes traveled from one to the other, trying to comprehend why were they treating him so kindly after all that had happened a decade ago.  
  
Why weren’t they surprised? Why were they acting as if they were expecting to see him that evening? Was he missing something there?  
  
“We missed you last year, but Makoto told us you couldn’t make it,” Mrs. Tachibana said and Haruka felt even more confused. “Hikari looked so adorable dressed as a bunny.”  
  
“W-what? I didn’t—”  
  
“Oh, I can’t wait to see Makoto’s face when he finds out you are here!” She continued, placing her hands on Haruka’s shoulders, turning him around and pushing him toward the park. “Let’s go.”  
  
“Wait!” Haruka insisted, trying his hardest to keep his feet from moving forward. “My present—!”  
  
“I got you,” Mr. Tachibana responded, pulling the present from the passenger seat and joining them down the road, no questions asked.  
  
Everything was happening so fast, Haruka didn’t know where to look or what to think. Millions of questions began clouding his mind as his heart raced hard against his chest. Nothing made sense anymore.  
  
As they got closer to where the party was happening, Haruka spotted Makoto almost immediately, his shaggy-haired head, standing high above the crowd around him. He seemed to be having a good time among the guests. It was just then that Haruka realized that coming to this birthday party was entirely the worst idea he’d ever had.  
  
“Mako!” Mrs. Tachibana called, waving a hand in the air and holding Haruka’s shoulder with the other. “Look who we ran into! It’s Haru!”  
  
All eyes were now on Haruka, boring into his soul. He had no time to react because his attention was focused on Makoto’s now pale face. Haruka saw him stiffen slightly, a nervous look now framed on his face. Yes, Makoto was probably feeling the same things Haruka felt boiling in the pit of his stomach.  
  
“Coach Nanase!” Hikari called, making his way through the guests with the brightest smile he’d ever carried. “You’re finally here!”  
  
“Coach Nanase?” Mrs. Tachibana asked, stopping on her tracks and looking back at Haruka. “Why is Hikari calling you by your last name?”  
  
“I—” Haruka couldn’t even think straight anymore. He just didn’t know what he should and he shouldn’t say! This was exasperating!  
  
“M-mom! Dad! Hi!” Makoto ran to the scene, breaking the tension growing on Haruka’s shoulders. “How—?! How was the ride from Iwatobi?!”  
  
“It was alright, but…” Mrs. Tachibana looked at her son with pure confusion and Haruka could tell how nervous Makoto was.  
  
“Hey, Haru,” Makoto began as Mr. Tachibana stopped right next to his wife with the same confusion and concern reflected in his eyes. Haruka and Makoto exchanged glances, creating a plan where no words were exchanged. “I know you just got here, but why don’t you help Hikari bring the cake out?”  
  
“I thought we were going to eat the cake after lunch?” Hikari asked innocently.  
  
“It’s alright to bend the rules once in awhile, right?” Haruka managed to speak calmly, getting his present back from Mr. Tachibana’s hands before bowing politely to the couple and getting on his knees in front of Hikari. “For you, Hikari. Happy Birthday.”  
  
“Ah!” Hikari blushed slightly, eyes shining bright at the sight of the present. “T-thank you, Coach Nanase!”  
  
“Um, Mako,” Mrs. Tachibana insisted, “I am quite confused.”  
  
“L-let me me introduces you guys to a couple friends, first.” Makoto insisted, wrapping an arm around his mother as he started to guide them to where the guests awaited.  
  
Soon, Haruka and Hikari were finally left alone and the eldest couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He rubbed the back of his neck, still hurting from all the stress this situation brought to his shoulders.   
  
Still not understanding half of what just happened, Haruka felt lines of thoughts and emotions rushing through his soul as they waited for an appropriate answer. Haruka and Makoto needed to talk, and soon.  
  
The sound of paper being ripped brought Haruka’s attention back to the boy standing in front of him. Unconsciously holding his breath, Hikari unwrapped his present carefully.  
  
Haruka watched as the boy inspected the box, his eyes going wide in surprise when he recognized the picture of a hand-held gaming system displayed on the cardboard face. The boy gasped and looked back at Haruka with amazement. “A Nintendo 3DS!?”  
  
“Do you… like it?” Haruka hesitated to ask, oblivious at the sight before him.  
  
Haruka was so nervous. He had no experience with kids, no direct interaction with them ever since he stopped visiting the Tachibana’s household when Ran and Ren were still childs. During the swimming lessons, Haruka always kept a line between him and his students; never getting to personal, never learning what kids nowadays liked or disliked so picking a gift for Hikari had been the hardest thing ever. Haruka had been mad with himself for not paying attention to the kids around him in the past months.  
  
He thought about every possibility, anything a kid Hikari’s age would enjoy. Haruka spend days and nights thinking of the perfect gift for the boy until, a couple days ago, he saw Hikari watching one of his friends playing with one of this consoles as they both waited for their parents to show up after class. That’s where he got the idea from and hoped that this gift was just what he was looking for.  
  
“Yes, I do!” Hikari jumped up and wrapped his arms around Haruka in a tight hug. “Thank you so much! I’ve been wanting a 3DS since last Christmas!”  
  
People had hugged Haruka Nanase many times in his life. In fact, Haruka believed there were many different types hugs that could be shared: the friendly hug, the supportive hug, the long hug, the unreciprocated hug, the polite hug, and many more.  
  
Hugs were just a simple gesture between humans that Haruka didn’t like all that much, but he had never had a hug like this one before. A hug that meant everything, that made him feel so loved and important to the other. A hug that made him realize how much Hikari trusted him and didn’t want to let him go.  
  
When the hug came to an end and their eyes met again, Haruka’s eyes fell on Hikari’s smile, realizing how much he wanted to be the cause for that boy’s happiness from that day on. Hikari was a precious child, the son of the man that meant the world for Haruka, and he wanted to protect him, to do anything he could to bring happiness into this child’s life.  
  
He had no chance to reply to the boy’s last words. Before he could even open his mouth to do so, Hikari was already asking him a question he was not expecting to hear that afternoon.  
  
“Can I call you ‘Haru’, too?” The child asked brightly, hope and excitement reflected in his green orbs.  
  
Haruka’s eyes widened slightly at the question and he started to blush. “W-why?” Silly question, yet his brain had gotten disconnected from his mouth briefly.  
  
“Why not? Dad calls you ‘Haru’, even my grandparents call you by your name.” The boy insisted, not letting the smile on his lips to fade away.  
  
Oh, so Hikari had actually heard Mrs. Tachibana earlier today. He was quite glad that the boy was not asking questions regarding that topic, but that was not enough to keep his mind diverted from the question lingering in the air.  
  
“Besides,” Hikari spoke again, this time a little more softly, “it… would make us sound like family and that would make me really happy.”  
  
At that moment, all his thoughts vanished when Hikari’s innocent words reached his ears. A warmness started in his chest, invading the rest of his body while Haruka couldn’t look away. “Hikari…” he whispered.  
  
But how could Haruka explain how much those words had changed his world in just a matter of seconds? He was speechless, caressing Hikari’s cheek as he found himself unable to take his eyes from him.  
  
 _A family._ When had it been the last time he felt part of something important? Part of a family? He had a family of his own: a mother and a father he would rarely call over the phone nowadays, a family that crumbled years ago.  
  
Yet now, with his green eyes still on him, Hikari brought light back to Haruka’s world and made him feel back at home. Haruka’s lips trembled, fighting a smile and the emotions rushing all the way up to his eyes. He could only nod, unable to speak.  
  
The moment was sealed with a second hug, one more powerful than the first, one that broke the remaining distance between their hearts and turned them into something more than just a coach and a student.  
  
“Haru!” Hikari tasted that name on his lips, unable to control his smile from growing brighter. _Haru,_ it sounded better than Coach Nanase. That name felt like a lullaby sung to him when he was a baby, like something he didn’t know he deeply missed. Like someone’s arms wrapped around him, whispering in his ears. Hikari felt as if he had just found a piece of home in somebody else’s heart. “I love you, Haru.”  
  
 _Someone loved him._  
  
Haruka’s breath hitched and his pupils quivered.  
  
A part of Makoto loved him.

Haruka could faintly hear his own heart stuttering in his chest, wondering if Hikari understood the magnitude of the words just spoken. Unconsciously, he squeezed the boy gently in his arms, hiding his face in Hikari’s neck and nearly choking on his own breath. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt cherished, the last time someone reminded him how it felt to be loved. Haruka closed his eyes, treasuring this moment in his heart, making sure to memorize every second that went by between them. Haruka managed to smile, flashing the most honest smile those lips have shown in a long while.  
  
He never thought he would ever feel this way towards a kid, getting attached to a child in such a short amount of time, but there was something about Hikari that made Haruka want to open up and bring him even closer.  
  
“I love you too, Hikari…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say that Utsukushin is the best and that thanks to her this chapter ended the way it did. I have no idea where this story would be without her help, she's the best!
> 
> Hikari's birthday party will continue on Chapter 8, I was planning to put the whole party in just one chapter but all the scenes became longer than they seemed in my head and I had to split the chapter in this point. I must say that there's already lots of things going on in this party; Haruka will probably leave that night with a headache, haha.
> 
> Anyway! Thanks for reading!! Thanks for the support!! <3  
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	8. Back up to the Surface

The decorations were lovely. They weren't overdone, yet simple and tasteful for the occasion. Balloons were neatly arranged in patterns of three, decorating each table where the guest were now enjoying the small event. Everyone was happy; there were smiling faces, laughter in the air and children waiting eagerly for a piece of the vanila cake that rested on top of the main table. 

Right after they were done greeting all the guests, Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana were taken to one of the tables where Makoto sat next to them while trying to keep a calm smile across his lips. He wasn’t an actor, and his nervousness would show in his inability to keep his hands still or in the way he tried his best to keep his parents’ attention fully on him.

Yet, Mrs. Tachibana was a perceptive woman, she could read her son’s behavior clearly and understand that there was, in fact, something unusual about his son and his best friend. 

“Mako,” she began softly, interrupting the small talk Makoto was trying to keep afloat. Those green eyes blinked twice before staring back at her with a confused look on his face. She reached her hand across the table and laid it on top of her son’s. “Is there something going on that we don’t know about?”

“W-why are you asking, mom?” Makoto tried to act naturally, but he already knew the questions his parents were carefully piling up together for him. He had been avoiding this conversation for the last ten years, always lucky enough to twist his own reality in his parents’ eyes. 

“Well, it’s just that is the first time we’ve seen Haruka since high school and...” She paused, trying to word herself carefully. “I thought that Hikari and Haruka were pretty close.”

Mr. Tachibana nodded, joining the conversation. “Hikari was being really polite around Haruka, as if they weren’t as close like you mentioned they had always been.”

Makoto took a deep breath. “Hikari has always been like that,” he insisted, not even believing in his own words. He noticed the look on his parents’ faces, staring back at him with pure concern, and swallowed hard. He didn't want to lie to his parents, but he didn't want to upset them either.

He looked at his father, and kept going. “Remember how he used to call you Mr. Grandpa when he was five? He just likes to be polite, that’s how he is.”

“I guess you are right, but…” Mrs. Tachibana said, not quite convinced.

Makoto hated lying to his parents from all people, especially to his mother who couldn’t get her concerned eyes away from him. Swallowing hard to quell the sick feeling in his stomach, Makoto realized he couldn’t keep his eyes on his mother’s face. Ashamed of lying, he wished he could be honest after ten years of deceiving the truth of his relationship with Haruka, yet he was still too afraid of sharing the details of what caused the whole thing to crumble in the first place. 

He bit his tongue, running out of words to say, when he heard his father spoke and broke their silence with a chuckle. “Oh, look at them.” 

Both Makoto and his mother turned around to the sound of Mr. Tachibana’s voice and met with the cutest sight they’d ever seen. Right across the park, where no guests were around, Hikari and Haruka hugged each other with pure affection. Just the sight of it was enough to make Makoto’s heart flip inside his chest; a warmness spreading out from his lower stomach, traveling all over his body until it reached his soul. 

Makoto was speechless, not even registering what was going on around him anymore. He could not tear his eyes away from that hug and a part of him felt —  hopeful. It was like looking at a part of his past reconnecting to the future ahead; as if he'd found a missing part of himself, a lifelong secret to his own happiness, something he had been wanting to share with Hikari ever since the day he had been born.

When the hug was broken and Haruka caressed Hikari’s cheek, Makoto wished he could be there to hear the words that left Haruka’s lips just then because they had been enough to make Hikari’s smile grow wider.

“That’s adorable,” Mrs. Tachibana spoke next when Makoto finally found the strength to look away and reencounter his mother’s gaze. “You were right, Mako. Those two seem to be inseparable.”

“Sorry for giving you a hard time, son,” Mr. Tachibana added, patting Makoto’s shoulder twice while he spoke. 

Makoto nodded, not quite sure if his vocal chords could cooperate just yet. His mind was still trying to process what his eyes had just witnessed from across the park, a moment that meant more than a simple hug shared between a coach and his student. Makoto’s heart was still trying to settle down inside his chest, wondering if Hikari and Haruka had always been that close to each other or if this sort of treatment was something that just bloomed then.

One small detail didn’t escape Makoto’s eyes before he looked away. It was the smile that crossed Haruka’s lips while looking at Hikari with honest affection.

 

*

 

It was already getting dark. Haruka stood away from the crowd with a piece of cake in hand and his back against the trunk of a massive tree. He didn’t mind being on his own, enjoying the quietness surrounding him while watching the party taking place from across the lawn.

Haruka was halfway through his piece of cake when he heard steps coming his way. Lifting his gaze, he found Makoto standing in front of him with a smile on his lips.

“Mind if I join you?” The taller man asked, and Haruka shook his head in response.

“Do whatever you want, it’s not like I own this park or anything.” 

Makoto chuckled, his back now sharing the tree with Haruka’s. They lulled into a comfortable silence right after, standing next to each other while the echoes of the party took second place in the back of their minds. Haruka glanced up at Makoto’s gentle eyes, aware that he had been watching him for a while.

“I wanted to thank you for showing up today,” Makoto spoke, head tilted slightly to the side, “Hikari and I are really happy to have you, Haru.”

“It’s not a problem,” Haruka began, staring down to his piece of cake as a light blush crossed invaded his cheeks. It felt really nice; feeling welcomed and wanted. “But you should be thanking your parents instead.”

“Huh?” Makoto stared at Haruka in confusion. 

“They stopped me from leaving back in the parking lot,” Haruka deadpanned, and Makoto nearly fell backwards.

“You were going to leave?!” Makoto asked. “W-why?”

Haruka looked back at Makoto for a brief moment, remaining quiet with a blank expression on his face. Makoto wondered what was going on inside that head while the other stared. Then, Haruka managed to look away again, eyes landing on the group of kids that ran all over the yard while playing and yelling. Shyly, Haruka let a sigh escape his slightly chapped lips. “Because I panicked, I don’t like socializing with people I don’t know.”

“You don’t like socializing in general, Haru,” Makoto teased, yet his eyes softened while looking down at the other.

Haruka tensed, his cheeks hotter than ever. “Hey, shut up.”

Makoto laughed. There was no use denying he'd missed having this sort of relationship with Haruka, a relationship where they could tease each other, or when jokes could be made in a middle of a serious conversation. The reality of it comforted him- they were both starting to feel comfortable around one another.

Before the silence could return, Makoto took a deep breath and glanced up at the sky. The sun was beginning to set _ ,  _ giving the sky an orange color with bursts of pink and, as the wind blew, Makoto found himself speaking again. “Sorry about my parents,” he said, “I forgot to let you know they were coming.”

Haruka knew they would be talking about that subject sometime soon, yet he would never have guessed it would be right then. He shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other and shook his head in response. “It’s fine, we… managed to distract them both,” he said. “I don’t think Hikari noticed anything weird. We’re fine.”

Makoto nodded, yet knew the conversation was not even close to being over. “I guess I owe you an explanation, Haru,” his eyes ended back on the other and their gazes met. “You deserve to know.”

_ Do I really? _ Haruka couldn’t help but wonder, but there were no words that could stop Makoto’s lips from moving and soon the atmosphere around them became nostalgic and serious.

“You see, I always thought there was nothing I could keep from my parents. That there would never be any secrets between them and me because we’ve always been very close,” Makoto began. Haruka listened, feeling guilt build up inside his chest. “But then you and I stopped talking and my parents kept asking about you almost everyday. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them what was really going on.”

Haruka looked down, strands of dark hair falling over his eyes.

“I discovered that, even though you and I were no longer close, I couldn’t bring myself to stop protecting your image from them or anybody else,” Makoto continued, lowering his voice calmly.  “I don’t know why.  Maybe because I didn’t want to permanently color their impression of you in case you came back to me .”

Haruka’s blue eyes stared aimlessly at the floor while a sudden anxiety began overflowing his chest. He held his breath, feeling the full brunt of his mistakes until it was too much for him and he couldn’t hold it any longer. “I am sorry,” Haruka whispered, familiar words that continually echoed through his mind.  _ How many times had he apologized already? _ “You lied to your parents because of me.”

“Haru.” And Haruka’s attention flew back to Makoto’s soft expression. It was as if Makoto was asking Haruka, just by looking at him, to stop blaming himself because everything was fine now. “You did not ask me to lie in your name. I did it on my own, because I wanted to protect you.”

Haruka’s eyes opened wide at those words. Little by little, Makoto was removing each and every brick from Haruka’s closed heart; removing the walls because there was no need to hide himself anymore.

“I waited for you all these years, Haru,” Makoto continued, taking a step closer to the other and Haruka’s heart skipped a beat. “And now that you’re back, I promise you I will always be there. I will continue to protect you.”

Speechless, Haruka could do nothing but stare back at Makoto. His blue eyes trembled with such vivid emotions flowing within his soul and his heart felt warmer at the sight of Makoto’s gentle smile. Suddenly he found himself holding his breath. 

“Makoto!” A voice called from the distance, and only Makoto reacted to it by turning around towards the crowd. “Hey, hurry up. We’re taking a picture!”

“Coming!” He responded eagerly, then his eyes fell back on Haruka and patted his left shoulder. “I’ll be back, Haru.”

When Makoto ran toward the small group that called his name, Haruka followed him with his eyes and remained still in his spot. His chest felt too full to contain what he was feeling. 

Makoto’s friends greeted him happily, one of them wrapped an arm around Makoto’s shoulders and brought him closer while they all joked around. Everybody seemed to be glad to have him around, loving every second that they spent together. Makoto smiled with pure joy, blinding Haruka like the brightest light in the darkest night. 

Haruka couldn’t take his eyes away from that scene; from Makoto’s face or his beautiful eyes. Everything and everyone became like a blurry part of the background from a perfect picture. In Haruka’s eyes there was no space for anybody else but Makoto. 

Gradually, his heart began beating faster and harder against his chest as an old feeling resurfaced within him.

_ Oh.  _ Haruka’s lower lip quivered. 

He recognized  _ it _ right away, the way his heart pounded at the sound of Makoto’s laughter or at the sight of that perfect smile. That feeling he forced to sleep long time ago, trying to erase every trace of it since the day it became unrequited.

It was love. He was in love with Makoto,  _ still _ , even after all these years. There was no use in running away.

Haruka began feeling restless, noticing that he couldn’t stop this warm sensation from spreading through his body. He pressed one hand over his chest, right where his heart kept beating, wondering if it was possible to keep this love from showing up before it was too late.

He tore his eyes away from Makoto and the others, meeting the floor where his cake now rested.  _ When did he drop his plate? _

Haruka’s throat was dry and his eyes couldn’t focus anymore, his mind was rushing with thoughts and he barely noticed when his legs started moving on their own. Every inch of his body kept yelling at him to leave this place, to run away because it was almost impossible to hide from this curse.

Because being in love with Makoto Tachibana felt like a curse and Haruka knew there was no way he would survive having his heart broken a second time. Makoto was like a dream away from his reality, like echoes of angels who wouldn’t reach Haruka.

Stumbling across the parking lot, Haruka managed to reach his car with shaking hands and unlocked the door. He couldn’t stay there any longer, not then when this realization had just hit him. How was he supposed to face Makoto now that these feelings came back to life? What was he supposed to do now that he had them back? Every heartbeat was painful and Haruka felt like he couldn’t breathe. This was becoming a nightmare.

Eighteen seconds went by, and he drove away. The sun was completely gone and so was Haruka, driving away under the starry night. Everybody was so absorbed by their surroundings that his absence went unnoticed, yet there was one boy from across the park, near the fountain, who stopped playing with his friends to stare into the sky. Hikari blinked at the sight of the moon, wondering if his birthday wish would ever come true.

Right after the group picture was taken, Makoto turned around and his eyes fell back to where their tree stood. His smile faded; Haruka was nowhere to be seen. 

Confused, he hurried to their spot and began calling his name over and over until his voice gave up. He took a couple steps forwards and his eyes fell on the forgotten piece of cake on the grass. His eyes went slightly wider at his discovery. It looked like Haruka left in a hurry.

_ Did something happen while he was gone? Was Haruka doing okay? _

Makoto spent the next ten seconds in silence, letting his eyes scan the entire park while he still held a concerned look on his face. Pulling out his phone, Makoto dialed Haruka’s number but his call went straight to voicemail.  
  
With a heavy heart, Makoto wondered if he had been dreaming all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Haru finally admitted that he is in love with Makoto, still! (We all already knew this but, you know, he was trying to fool himself or something, haha.) I am excited about what could happen from this point on!! Please let me know your thoughts on this story and how things are going. I really appreciate your feedback, and especially the support reflected on the comments, kudos and even bookmarks. THANK YOU!! You guys are my motivation :D!!! 
> 
> See you all at Chapter 9!!
> 
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	9. It is what it is

The days began repeating themselves, accompanied by a summer breeze floating through the city. In the corner of this familiar day-by-day routine, Haruka stood on a busy street with a paper bag in hand while he waited. His eyes were fixed on his cellphone’s screen, reading and rereading the last message he received moments ago.

With so many crossroads, it was easy to get lost in the middle of the city, and Haruka wondered if Makoto had taken a wrong turn again. He lifted his gaze from the phone and looked around, meeting with millions faces he had never seen before. It was getting late and the idea of calling his friend’s phone crossed his mind, but just as he was about to do so, his blue eyes landed on Makoto from across the street.

Makoto waved at him, stopping to catching his breath. Haruka’s heart fluttered at the sight of him, before waving back shyly. The traffic light turned red and the crossing light glowed with the image of a man walking, allowing Makoto to cross the busy street and meet up with his childhood friend.

“Sorry I am late,” Makoto excused himself, bending over and placing his hands on his knees. “The store got unusually packed this morning and I couldn’t find the right time to leave.”

Haruka observed him for a second, noticing the sweat running down Makoto’s forehead as he spoke and wondered if he ran all the way up here. He sighed, shaking his head before speaking again. “It’s not your fault,” he assured, “If you were busy you should have texted me and I would have brought the lunch to you instead.”

“Oh no, Haru!” Makoto straightened his back up and felt his cheeks burning up. “I wouldn’t want to be any trouble.”

Haruka looked to the side, having a different set of thoughts crossing his mind. “If I thought it was troublesome, I wouldn’t have offered.”

 _He is so thoughtful_ , Makoto thought, while the only thing he could do was rub the back of his neck sheepishly. Only Makoto knew this side of Haruka; the warmest side his friend had.

Haruka showed his affection in his usual quiet ways to the ones he truly loved and trusted. His displays of affection would always be sincere, showing with only actions how much he cared, and how faithful he could always be. Makoto spent the next couple of seconds in silence, admiring the pureness of Haruka’s heart like he had never done before.

“Here’s lunch,” Haruka said, jolting Makoto out of his daydream. He took a step forward and handed the paper bag to Makoto. “I probably should leave, I don’t want to keep you away from work for too long.”

Makoto peered into the bag and found a neatly packaged bento box, just like the ones Haruka had started preparing for him for the last three weeks. “You’re fine, really.” He bit his lower lip, hoping that his ears weren’t as red as they felt. “Mr. Takano knows that I came this way to meet up with you, so it’s okay if I take a little longer.”

Haruka took a second to admire Makoto under the morning light, his olive brown hair dancing with the wind and exposing the forehead where Haruka had imagined his own lips leaving a trail of kisses until reaching those forbidden lips.

Not letting his thoughts distract him for too long, Haruka managed to hide his own blush behind a hand placed carefully over his sincere smile. “Just a little longer, then,” Haruka insisted, and catching just a glimpse of that smile was enough for Makoto to forget how to breathe. “Does Hikari already knows that I am babysitting him tonight?”

Makoto nodded, clearing his throat before speaking again. “Yes, Hikari has a spare key with him, you two should be able to get inside the apartment just fine.”

“Oh, cool,” Haruka’s hands found their way inside the pocket of his hoodie. “We’ll probably run some errands first after his swimming lessons, though.”

“Thank you, again, for looking after Hikari tonight,” Makoto let his gratitude color his voice, humming deeply. “I really need the overtime, and the inventory needs to be fixed before the audit.”

“It’s alright. I appreciate that you're finally letting me help out, Makoto.” Haruka admitted, letting his eyes make direct contact with Makoto’s. “You’ve been working so hard lately, and you seem awfully stressed. I am happy to help with whatever I can.”

“Haru…” Makoto whispered softly, feeling a warm sensation in his chest that had nothing to do with the bright sun resting upon his broad shoulders. His lips hesitated, unable to put into words those undiscovered feelings now blooming in his thoughts.

Ever since he could remember, Makoto would never ask for help from anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. He would rather hide his insecurities and concerns behind a smile and pretend that everything was fine, just for the sake of everyone around him. Makoto was too stubborn to understand that it was okay to admit that sometimes life’s too tough to handle on your own.

And now Haruka stood in front of him, reading him like an open book, finding out that, indeed, Makoto needed someone to walk along with during those stressful moments in life. Taking his eyes momentarily to the floor, and then back to his friend, Makoto managed to turn his gratefulness into an honest smile. “Thank you.”

 

*

 

Walking into the break room, Makoto saw Chigusa calmly having her lunch while absently looking through the window. His own head was busy with a shower of thoughts, buzzing with millions of questions he could no longer answer on his own. He rested his back against the closed door and a heavy sigh escaped his throat low enough for Chigusa to notice his arrival.

“Oh, hey,” She smiled sweetly,“You’re back.”

“Yeah.” He forced a smile, crossing the room and sitting right next to the girl. Taking the bento box out of the paper bag, he set it down on the table, removing the lid carefully. Inside he found two big pieces of chicken katsu over rice, lying peacefully next to some tamagoyaki, tomato and broccoli. The food was neatly presented inside the bento box as if it was a professional who had taken the time to cook for him, and it all smelled delicious. If heaven had a smell, this would be it.

“What’s that?” Chigusa asked. Her eyes fell on Makoto’s bento and her eyes grew wide in realization. Her lips curved into a teasing smile before she elbowed Makoto in his side. “When are you going to introduce me to your new girlfriend?”  
  
Makoto's cheeks flared up, and he stuttered. "How about… when I actually get one?”  
  
“Well, judging by the quality of this bento box, I could easily assure that you have a girlfriend by now.” Chigusa pulled her chair closer to Makoto’s, taking a better look at Makoto’s lunch. Her mouth watered and her stomach twisted painfully in response. “And an excellent chef, for sure. I am so jealous, it looks delicious!”

“I am sorry to disappoint you, but I really don’t have a girlfriend,” Makoto shrugged. “This bento was prepared by a friend of mine, there’s nothing special about it.”

 _Nothing special._ For some weird reason the statement made Makoto’s heart twitch unhappily inside his chest. But he had spoken with the truth; there was nothing special about his best friend preparing his lunches for the last couple weeks, right?

“Are you sure?” Chigusa insisted, as if she knew what the other was thinking. “This friend of yours is taking part of their time to prepare lunch for you, that seems special to me.”

 _No._ Biting his lower lip, Makoto tried really hard to keep himself from sighing out loud. The problem was that, if Makoto was truly honest with himself, he wanted this whole situation with Haruka to be special. His heart felt warm knowing that Haruka cared, that he was taking care of him, but Makoto couldn’t stop himself from feeling guilty.

It was too selfish to even think that he was any different from the rest, that there was a reason behind Haruka’s care. As far as he knows, Haruka could be just looking to be redeemed, to be forgiven. Haruka could just be feeling guilty for being absent for the last ten years while Makoto kept his hopes up expecting something else instead, something much bigger.

His breath caught in his throat at that last thought. What exactly was that ‘ _something else_ ’ he was hoping to find inside Haruka’s heart?

“Maybe you’re not looking close enough.” Makoto snapped out of his trance at the sound of Chigusa’s voice. Slowly, his gaze traveled back to her smiling face and he felt intrigued by her choice of words. “Trust me, I recognize a bento prepared with love when I see it.”

“Prepared with…?” The question died on Makoto’s lips. He stared at her for what felt like hours, trying to comprehend the meaning behind her words, his heart beating with hope. Maybe it would be okay to be selfish this time.

“Ah!” With a sudden movement, Chigusa stood up from her place and glanced at her wrist watch. “Gosh, my lunch is over already!” She whined with a huff, stretching her arms out over her head before picking her stuff from the table. “I wish I got paid for sleeping all day instead.”

Makoto couldn't help but let a laugh slip out. “Don’t we all?”

“Trust me, one day I’ll find that job somewhere in this world and it’s going to be amazing.” Chigusa promised as she crossed the room and placed her hand on the doorknob. “Alright, enjoy your lunch.”

“Ah, thanks.”

It was only when the door closed behind her that Makoto let his eyes return the bento box. He let a sigh pass his lips, silently admiring every single grain of rice presented before him. His mind started picturing Haruka’s soft hands preparing chicken katsu, testing the tamagoyaki, cutting the tomato and ensuring the whole bento was better than the one from the day before.

Slowly, Makoto began smiling to himself. He would never run out of reasons to thank Haruka for everything he was doing for him.

Makoto took his chopsticks and took his first bite, wondering if there really was a hidden meaning behind his best friend’s honest care. Not too long after, Makoto dismissed those crazy thoughts by shaking his head.

“Stop it, Tachibana,” he scolded himself, placing both elbows on the table and dropped his head in his hands. “You’re obviously overthinking it.”

He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out through his mouth. “It’s been ten years. Haru doesn’t… love you like he did before. That’s over.”

Alone with the shadows of the day slipping through the window, Makoto promised himself that he would never make an unnecessary move that could endanger his friendship with Haruka ever again.

 

*

 

With swimming practice being over, Haruka and Hikari left the building side by side while holding hands. They were chatting, exchanging their excitement on spending the whole afternoon together; something that both of them have secretly been looking forward to the whole day.

The afternoon wind blew their still wet hair from their faces softly, as if it was trying not to break the gentle harmony between the two of them.

Haruka’s car came to view right across the parking lot and Hikari ran towards it with an excited smile across his face. Once inside the vehicle, Haruka adjusted his rear view mirror and looked down at Hikari just before the corners of his mouth turned up into a sweet smile. “Are you hungry yet?”

“I’m always hungry!” Hikari replied with a proud grin that was the cause of Haruka’s soft laughter. Hikari’s happiness was so strong, it was infectious. “Daddy says that if I wasn’t in the swimming club, I would be a soccer ball by now!”

The boy then squeezed his non-existent belly with both hands to emphasize his point and Haruka tried even harder not to laugh at such funny behavior. “No, you wouldn’t,” he insisted while backing up his car and exit the parking lot, “Your father is exaggerating.”

“What's that?”

“Huh?” Haruka looked back at Hikari; he arched his eyebrows and his lips quirked in question.

“Exaggerating,” The boy tried once more. “What does that mean?”

“Oh...” Haruka felt his stomach tickle. He looked down the street and shifted on his seat while trying to be nonchalant. It was weird, having someone that relied on you for answers, but Haruka didn’t seem to mind it. “I means that he is making a big fuss about it.”

“Oh, cool!” Hikari’s attention was back on his window, looking at the buildings rushing to hide behind some trees as they drove by. “My dad is a good exaggerator, then. He is always making everything sound so complicated.”

“Makoto has always been like that, ever since he was your age.” Those words left Haruka’s lips before he could even process them. He breathed sharply in realization and Hikari’s attention was back on him.

“Really…?!” The boy asked, pure curiosity and a glimpse of hope reflected inside his green eyes. Haruka did not have to look at Hikari’s face to know that it lit up almost immediately.

“I… guess,” Haruka paused, unconsciously tightening his grip on the steering wheel. Cursing himself for being so reckless, Haruka tried to think fast and say something that the boy would believe. “I mean, he seems to be that type of guy. I-I don’t really know.”

Yet those words weren’t strong enough to be deceiving. Hikari’s heart felt light, like he was hovering on a cloud and his cheeks became warmer than they were mere seconds ago. Biting his lower lip to keep his smile from growing wider, the boy chuckled under his breath and nodded at Haruka’s words, not listening any longer.

One thought kept running over and over through his mind.

 _‘I wanna learn more about dad’s past.’,_ A single wish, so pure and innocent, that Hikari held close to his heart.

 

*

 

Their hands would always find their way back to each other. Entwining, holding tight. It was, maybe their new routine, the way they would show their love and trust for each other without the use of words.

As soon as the doors of the car slid shut, Hikari waited patiently as Haruka walked around the car and reached his side. Standing side by side, and almost automatically, their hands found each other as smiles were exchanged. It felt so natural, like if the spaces between Haruka’s fingers were just perfect for Hikari’s. It didn’t take too much for this gesture to feel right.

With their hands together, Haruka and Hikari walked into the local grocery store. Hikari, confused, tilted his head and looked up to the adult next to him. “Umm…” the boy hesitated for a second, chewing his lower lip, “Why are we here, Haru?”

“You said you were hungry, right?” Haruka replied with a soft voice, looking back at the boy with gentle eyes. “We are here to get some ingredients for tonight.”

“Tonight...?”

Haruka nodded, caressing his thumb over Hikari’s small hand. “You and I are cooking dinner together.”

The boy’s stared wide-eyed at Haruka for a moment, then, his mouth widened into an uncontrollable smile. “A-are we really?!” Haruka nodded again. Instantly, Hikari's bubbling excitement overflowed. “This is so cool! I have never cooked before! I-I can’t wait!”

“Well, I am teaching you a thing or two tonight,” Haruka promised. “Your father is hopeless around the kitchen, you and I already know that. Eventually, he is going to need you to take over and cook some healthy meals for the two of you.”

“Y-yes!” Hikari blushed, wide eyed, willing to take such big responsibility when the time presented itself. Yet, in Hikari’s eyes, there was one thing that seemed off in Haruka’s words. “But, instead of cooking for two, I… I wanna learn how to cook for three! For you too, Haru, so you can come and have dinner with us more often.”

Haruka’s wide eyes found themselves staring back at Hikari, a mix of amazement and surprise at the boy’s pure heart. He felt his heart tug at Hikari's nobility, something he had been feeling for a while now. It was strange to Haruka how, the more time he spent with Hikari, the more he wanted to fulfill each and every wish the child may have.

But, being indirectly asked to have dinner with the Tachibanas more often was indeed the reason behind Haruka’s hesitant smile. “I would... love to taste Hikari’s dishes sometime soon,” he said, “I am sure you’re going to be a great cook.”

The boy started chuckling, excitement and happiness evident in the way his smile kept growing on his lips. Their night together had barely started but Hikari was sure that this night would get even better than it already was. “Alright! Let’s grab everything we need!”

Pulling him by the hand, Hikari led Haruka to the closest aisle, still chuckling in joy. “H-hey, slow down,” Haruka warned, yet it seemed like his voice wouldn’t reach the overjoyed boy who dashed down the aisle without even looking where he was going. “Hikari…!”

Hikari was so distracted by his thoughts that he nearly ran into a woman’s cart when he exited the aisle. Quickly his smile disappeared and an embarrassed blush crept over his face. The boy hurried back and hid behind Haruka’s long legs and apologized. “I-I’m sorry.”

“Oh dear,” The woman said, almost dropping her phone before stopping. Her brown eyes traveled from Haruka down to Hikari, pure confusion reflected on her face.

“I apologize,” Haruka spoke for Hikari, making straight eye contact with the woman in front of them. “He was distracted. I can assure you this won’t happen again.”

“It’s alright, I was distracted as well,” the woman said, smiling kindly at the two. Her attention went down to Hikari, focusing on the still embarrassed boy who couldn’t find his own voice to speak up. “But I appreciate the gesture, thank you.”

Hikari bit his lower lip, refusing to leave his spot behind Haruka and nodding in a silent gesture of acknowledgement. It was enough to make the woman chuckle, taking her eyes back to Haruka and brushing her bangs to a side.

“Your son has beautiful green eyes,” she said gently, “A unique shade of emerald I’ve never seen before!”

It took several seconds for the woman’s words to sink in and even then, Haruka’s lips froze his reply to a standstill. His thoughts were still racing at the implications.

_His son._

_Hikari as his son…_

Haruka couldn’t do anything to stop a new feeling growing inside his chest; it was impossible to ignore. Just picturing himself in such role was enough to keep his heart pounding hard against his chest.

Before getting carried away, Haruka had to stop his thoughts for a second just to realize that time was still running, and an answer from him was needed. His blue eyes searched for the boy now standing next to him with his cheeks covered in different shades of red.

He waited a second, then two more, but Hikari said nothing to correct the woman who confused them for father and son.

They weren't related though.  
  
They weren't… __  
__  
So why wasn’t Hikari denying it?

“I am not… his father.” Haruka said, finding it strangely hard to deny.As those words left Haruka’s lips, his chest constricted, as if an invisible force was squeezing all the air from his lungs. “He’s my best friend’s son.”

_If that was the truth, why did it feel so wrong?_

“Oh, I’m sorry,” with a hand resting on her cheek, the woman apologized. “I must have gotten the wrong idea, then.”

No further attention was paid to the woman as she waved goodbye and continued down the aisle. Haruka was focused on Hikari, bewildered with the boy’s silence. Hikari had always been so proud of his father, speaking highly of Makoto even when he was not around, and that was the main reason why Haruka couldn’t comprehend the reason behind Hikari’s behavior.

Why didn’t Hikari brag about Makoto to this woman when he had the chance? Why did he decide to remain quiet instead and waited for Haruka to clear things up?

Hikari sensed those blue eyes on him and slowly looked up until his gaze met Haruka’s. They stared at each other for a moment, and Haruka admitted to himself that he felt touched. It amazed him to believe that Hikari had been okay with this, with being mistaken as Haruka’s son.

Just like magnets, their hands found their way back to each other.

“Tonight we are cooking mackerel miso for dinner,” Haruka said, almost in a whisper, “Let’s check the freezer section first.”

“Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, Makoto. Stop! Don't hold your feelings and tell Haru exactly what you are starting to feel...!! I feel that Makoto and Haru need another type of 'trapped in the elevator' experience, hahaha. 
> 
> I really enjoy writing all the Hikari and Haruka scenes, they are just so sweet!! Those two want to be a family so badly yet they both feel it is almost impossible: Haruka, because he believes there's no chances on being in a relationship with Makoto, and Hikari, because he doesn't understand the adult world. Let's wait and see what chapter 10 will bring to us, shall we?
> 
> Thanks to everyone leaving lovely comments, I really appreciate it!!
> 
> Check out my Tumblr!  
> ohmynanase.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	10. And for now, that was enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm soooo excited to introduce the co-author of this story! Say hi to Utsukushin!!

In the living room of the smallest apartment in Tokyo, sat Haruka Nanase with a cup of green tea and a concerned face. The two bedroom, one bathroom apartment was on the 7th floor of an old apartment complex near the downtown area, where the sound of the city was loud and the traffic lights repeatedly flashed onto the far wall through the window.

When Makoto held out the paper with his address earlier that day, Haruka never imagined that it would take him to a place this small and neglected. Despite the floors being clean and the walls covered with frames, it was evident that this place wasn’t exactly a dream house. How could Makoto and Hikari live in a place this cramped? Haruka couldn’t stop himself from wondering.

The sound of the TV lightly chattering in the background had blurred into the silence that surrounded Haruka on the loveseat where he sat. He looked at his watch and found it was already close to ten.

Hikari had fallen asleep around fifteen minutes ago, after Haruka spent at least twenty minutes holding his hand and promising that nothing in the dark would hurt him. Haruka made a mental note to talk about Hikari’s fear of the dark with Makoto when the opportunity presented itself.

Haruka took a sip of his tea and let his thoughts wander to earlier that night where himself and Hikari had taken over the kitchen and cooked dinner together, just like he had promised the boy. Surprised by the fact that Hikari did not inherit Makoto’s lack of cooking skills, Haruka was able to successfully teach the boy how to cook his first bowl of mackerel miso.

He had enjoyed their time in the kitchen more than he thought he would, already planning the next simple dish they could cook together. Haruka found himself smiling at the thought. That kid was indeed special, and he wouldn’t mind more nights like this in the near future. Hikari was his _light_ , too. 

All hopes and dreams came to a screeching halt, however, when a wide-eyed Haruka realized the direction of his runaway thoughts. Had he crossed a line?

Picturing himself in a role that wasn’t even available? Haruka stared down at his own cup in disbelief, watching his own reflection while trying to keep his eyes from trembling. He, of all people, should know better than to cross that line.

It didn’t matter how much he wanted to be part of Hikari’s life, or how much he loved the kid. To the world Haruka was only Makoto’s friend and Hikari’s coach, but nothing more. The simple reality made his heart constrict.

Grocery shopping with Hikari, cooking dinner for three, waiting for Makoto to come home had almost felt like having a family. The family he wanted to be part of so badly. Taking Makoto’s hand as more than just a friend, helping him raise Hikari with the pure affection he carried for the boy, spending the rest of his days smiling because for the first time in so long he finally felt loved again. Maybe he had been trying to fool himself, tasting heaven only to have himself cast down into a lonely life of hell.

In the end, what Haruka wanted didn’t matter if Makoto didn’t want it too. If the unrequited love story was about to repeat itself, then there was nothing he could do to change his fate. He should have stayed away, stayed on the other side of the line and kept distance between his heart and Makoto, but that wasn’t part of his nature. His stubborn personality was always poking around where he shouldn't and getting him hurt in the process.

Maybe Haruka shouldn’t have come back; should have just stayed away from Makoto and from these feelings that were starting to choke him. After all, Haruka thought, Makoto was better off without him.

The sound of keys clicking together and the front door opening startled Haruka, whose eyes were beginning to lose their sparkle and brows were furrowed in a look of something close to pain. Makoto appeared by the door and Haruka took in his appearance: messy hair, pants covered with dust and looking tired.

“Oh. You’re still up, Haru.” Makoto’s soft voice floated through the air as he walked in and closed the door behind him. He walked into the living room, throwing off his coat and tossing his shoes off to the corner. “It’s getting late, I thought you would be sleeping by now.”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I waited for you,” Haruka lied, surprised that his voice managed to get passed the lump in his throat now choking him. “Welcome home.”

“Thank you.” Makoto rubbed his face, probably too tired to notice the sadness hidden deep in Haruka’s eyes. He sat next to his friend and let out a yawn, barely covering it with a hand. “I almost fell asleep while driving back home, it was so scary.”

“You did…?”

“I know, that was so reckless of me, I’m sorry.” Makoto stretched his arms over his head, scratching at the back of his neck as he fought a second yawn. “I just didn’t know I was this tired until I sat in my car and started driving home. These late nights are not for me.”

Haruka studied Makoto’s tired eyes silently, those eyes that were usually full of energy and happiness now barely staying open. Haruka said nothing, just stared back up at Makoto, until he noticed how stiff the other’s shoulders looked. Not asking for permission, Haruka rearranged himself on the loveseat, putting his warm hands on Makoto’s shoulders.

“What…?” Surprised, Makoto looked over his shoulder, seeing Haruka’s hands lightly rubbing and pushing at his muscles, unasked for but very welcome. Instantly, Makoto felt the tension in his body start to ease.

“You should go to bed, Makoto.” Haruka whispered, his thumbs working in circles down Makoto’s sore back. “Get some rest, you worked too hard.”

A hum escaped Makoto’s lips in response. “But I have to work hard.” he simply responded, his eyes now closed as a soft smile now danced back on his lips. “That’s what you do for family.”

_A family where Haruka was not included._

Haruka’s hands froze mid-stroke down Makoto’s back. A slow, cold sweat slicked over his body and his mouth went dry. He swallowed hard and tried to ignore the heavy feeling building in his chest. Not trusting his own lips, Haruka remained quiet and dropped his broken gaze to his own lap.  

“Haru?” Before Makoto had too much time to react, a familiar upbeat progressive rock theme played on the television and his attention went straight to the screen. “Oh, I can’t believe they are showing the High☆Speed movie this late at night. Hikari and I have been wanting to see it again since last summer...”

Haruka ignored Makoto completely, buried in his dark thoughts, completely lost to the physical world around him. After a few minutes of silence, Makoto’s green eyes grew tired and could barely remain open. Everything in that moment was soothing, sleep-inducing. The loveseat was comfortable and the movie was like a lullaby for his tired mind. Exhausted from his long day at work, Makoto fell asleep on his seat with his head resting over his own shoulder.

The soft snores coming from Makoto's slightly open mouth reached Haruka’s ear, capturing his attention immediately. With attentive blue eyes, Haruka studied Makoto’s sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, completely unaware of the burning sensation now spreading inside his best friend’s chest.

They were sitting so close, that Haruka could see how Makoto’s brown eyelashes splayed over his cheeks like the wings of a butterfly at rest, tanned skin paled from the lack of sleep.

In the past months, Haruka had witnessed Makoto’s unnatural thinness and the constant puffiness under his green eyes. He kept wondering how someone as kind and humble as Makoto could be living this way, in a small apartment he could barely afford, having to work longer shifts just to be able to support his small family. It was a life high in stress and low in relaxation, so terribly unfair for someone as precious as Makoto.

With a  horrible sinking feeling, Haruka thought that _maybe_ this was all his fault. _Maybe_ what has been really hurting Makoto for the past ten years was the fact that Haruka loved him. After he first fell in love with Makoto and confessed, Makoto's life fell apart almost instantly. Everything after that confession had been a life of suffering, a hard life alone.

Those blue eyes now blurred with tears couldn’t look away. He took a deep breath and bit his lip, trying to silence himself from crying out loud. Now that he knew he was still in love with Makoto, he vowed never to reveal those feelings again and risk Makoto's fragile life (and Hikari’s too) crumbling all over again. He refused to let Makoto suffer even more because of his feelings.

Blinded by his own depression, Haruka realized that the only option was to leave in order to protect Makoto and Hikari. He would let go of his dream and source of happiness, as much as it kills him.

He stood up and left the loveseat. Hurried, silent steps led Haruka to a table next to the door where his things rested. His fingers fumbled across the wood until they made contact with his keys, failing to hold them correctly and dropping them instead. They fell to the floor with a resonating clang, loud enough to echo over the soft music coming from the television’s speakers.

Makoto jerked awake from his sleep and groaned, holding his head. Due to the fact that the apartment was so small, and the living room shared the wall with the entrance door, it didn’t take Makoto long to spot Haruka’s frozen body standing by the door. “Haru?” He called, blinking the sleep out of his eyes, “Where are you going?”

Haruka’s blood went cold. He tried to swallow, to speak, but he couldn’t even move his lips. Makoto had woken up and Haruka knew that it wouldn’t be easy to run away this time.

When no answer was given, Makoto became worried and stood up. There was something about Haruka that night that didn’t seem right. “Hey, Haru?” He asked softly, crossing the distance between them. He reached out to Haruka’s shoulder, trying to turn him around for their eyes meet. “Are you okay?”

Haruka jerked his shoulder back, out of Makoto's gentle grip. “D-don’t!” He pleaded, voice breaking, and Makoto realized right away that something wasn’t right. He reached down to the floor and picked up his keys.

“What’s wrong?” He tried again, this time unable to hide the concern on his voice. His eyes fell on Haruka’s shoulders and noticed them shaking. “A-are you crying?”

Haruka’s hands balled into fists, knuckles turning white as the lie he had been trying to live with burned inside him. His chest felt heavy and very, very tight. Suffocated by the truth finding its way up to his lips, Haruka closed his eyes tightly and spoke loud and clear. “I am in love with you, Makoto!”

Silence. Makoto turned stricken, wide eyes on Haruka.

Covering his face with his hands and letting out an audible sob, Haruka continued. “I-I still love you, even after I tried so hard not to.” He couldn’t stop himself from speaking now, letting his feelings out after hiding them for too long. “I’ve loved you since I can remember, and more each passing day. I’m so sorry!”

Makoto was utterly and completely speechless, lost for words. He was no longer tired, but dealing with a heart that was beating hard at Haruka’s second confession. It was as if he had traveled ten years back in time, standing in the same position, afraid of breaking his best friend’s heart all over again.

His thoughts came to a halt at the sight of the keys Haruka held tightly with his right hand. He, then, realized they have been standing by the door all this time and a painful realization hit him hard, sending a heavy weight sinking in his chest. "You were going to leave,” he responded, disbelievingly, “Just like last time."

Haruka let out a gasp, eyes wide, but said nothing to classify Makoto’s accusation as false. That was enough for Makoto to react, finding sudden anger now flowing inside his veins. Quickly, he grabbed his best friend by the shoulder and forced him to turn around and meet his gaze.

“Why are you always running away from me?” Makoto snapped, his voice getting louder as he went. “Am I a joke to you, Haru?!”

Haruka could do nothing but stare at him, open-mouthed and completely in shock. He had known Makoto for his whole life and had never seen him this mad before. “M-Makoto!”

Taking a step forward, Makoto forced Haruka to take one backwards and end up with his back pressed against the wooden door. The keys met with the cold floor for a second time. "You can't just walk into people's lives, make them _love_ you and then leave!” Makoto exclaimed, both hands on Haruka’s shoulders. “What are you afraid of?”

 _Love._ Haruka looked choked up with his own breath, startled so much that his tears paused. He tried to speak, but he couldn't even comprehend where Makoto words were coming from.

“Who do you think you are?” Makoto pressed, unable to see past his own anger.

“L-let go, please!” Haruka felt so vulnerable, with a naked heart that could no longer hide and blue eyes that could reveal his biggest fears.

“What about Hikari?!” Makoto demanded with a strong hint of exasperation. His emerald orbs were fierce, piercing through Haruka’s soul. “Do you have any idea what it would do to him if you leave?!"

“Stop!” His world was getting too loud with so many questions, and he wasn’t strong enough to respond. Haruka had to look away and close his eyes as guilt built up heavy in his heart. His brows were knit together, and his chest ached exquisitely. Yes, he had an idea of how his absence would hurt Hikari, and the single thought was enough to break him.

Makoto lightly nudged Haruka’s chin up, forcing their gazes to meet. His emerald eyes were hard and unyielding, nothing like the gentle orbs Haruka had fallen in love with from afar. "I swear Haruka, if you hurt my son…!" He warned with a tremor in his voice that Haruka did not miss.

For a moment, Makoto reminded him of a killer whale ready to attack if provoked; Haruka the isolated prey with nowhere to run. Maybe it was because he felt so fragile, so utterly exposed under Makoto’s grip, and extremely afraid.

Haruka was paralyzed with fear. There was only one other time in his life he had ever been this afraid, and it flashed before his eyes now; wind whipping through his hair, cars speeding by far below his toes while he stood on the edge of a bridge, convinced there was nothing out there worth living for. All these years he’d thought of giving up and giving in, but the ghost of Makoto’s smile was what kept him from letting go.

Now, this very same source of strength was the reason behind this helplessness he couldn’t ignore. Even though life circumstances had forced him into this path with no way out, the fact that Haruka had just opened up his heart and confessed for a second time was something huge for the young coach. He had no other choice.   
  
Haruka had never been good with words, always showing his feelings through actions instead. For Makoto, he came out of his comfort zone and opened up, something that he wasn’t even good at. Yet, in response, Makoto had cornered him against the door, raising his voice and throwing questions at him as if he deserved to get their answers. Haruka felt hopeless, just like he felt that day on the bridge.

Haruka’s heart clenched again at the thought, and new tears ran down his flushed cheeks, a feeling of betrayal overtaking him.

 _Makoto wouldn’t understand._   
  
At this thought, Haruka’s jaw began trembling uncontrollably. He placed his hand on Makoto’s forearm, pushing back, forcing some distance between the two, and finally found his voice. "Do you think you were the only one hurting all those years?” Haruka asked, desperation glowing in his eyes. “Do you think you're the only one whose life fell apart...?!”

Makoto looked slightly taken aback by Haruka’s response, so unexpected and out of place. He tried to respond, but could only shake his head, uncharacteristically lost for words. There was a meaning behind those words, a hidden meaning that Makoto couldn’t think of.

“Daddy?” A tiny voice echoed into their ears, reaching both adults and evaporating the heavy atmosphere around them. Both Makoto and Haruka looked up to see Hikari standing on the other side the room, hugging a teddy bear while tears rushed down his red cheeks.

“Hikari…” Makoto looked at his son’s face, frozen at the sight of tears he hadn’t seen in years. His his strong soldier, his little boy, the one that always pretended to be alright so his father wouldn’t worry, was standing there with trembling lips and wide, devastated eyes.

“W-why are you yelling at Haru?” Hikari asked shakily, “He’s... scared.”

_Scared?_

That statement was enough to light panic in Makoto’s brain, and he quickly turned his head back to focus on Haruka. Immediately, he was overwhelmed by the amount of fear flashing through those blue orbs, something he had failed to notice until then. It was like coming out of a trance as he realized how tight he had been gripping Haruka’s shoulder, and how sore his throat felt from yelling so loud.

His anger faded and changed into pure shock as he saw how Haruka was cowering up against the door in an attempt to get away from him. Makoto let go of his arms as if he had been burned and quickly stepped back. Guilt fell over him like a bucket of ice water. “H-Haru.” Covering his own mouth with his hand, Makoto felt his throat tighten painfully. “I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t—”

“I-I’m fine.” Haruka lied, wrapping his arms around himself and letting his gaze fall to the floor for a brief second. He took a deep breath in through his nose before looking back to where the boy was standing. That sight was enough to bring guilt to Haruka’s bruised heart, begging him to push his own pain aside and stop the boy from crying. There was no way that Haruka would let Hikari witness this bitter argument between the two. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You’re crying!” the boy insisted. Wiping his tears off his face with both hands, he went straight to Haruka and pulled on his shirt. Confused, Haruka slowly slid down and Hikari immediately brought his arms around him in a tight hug. “It’s alright, Haru. Don’t be scared. My daddy is just a little tired. He doesn’t know what he is doing, but he really cares about you.”

Haruka’s breath got stuck in his throat as Hikari’s reassuring words embraced him. He was moved by Hikari’s concern, his genuine affection that reminded him that there was still some light in the world shining his way. The simple gesture made his heart sink more into his chest, unable to control the tears that continued flowing down his cheeks.

_Was Hikari right about Makoto?_

Haruka wanted to say something, to have an answer for Hikari, but when he opened his mouth, only a heavy sob escaped and ruined the moment. His pale arms found their way around Hikari’s neck and hugged the boy tightly as he nodded.

The alarmed little boy looked up to his father, seeing genuine regret and a hint of anxiety on Makoto’s features. Hikari wanted to glare at his father, unconsciously blaming him for Haruka’s state, but he realized that he couldn’t when green met green, and the boy remembered that there were still some things in the adult world that he couldn’t understand.

“You’re fine,” Hikari whispered, patting Haruka’s hair. “I…I love you, alright? You’re loved.”

Hikari and Haruka’s bond was strong. Because of the honest time they had spent together, Hikari was more in tune with Haru than Makoto was. He knew exactly what Haruka needed to hear right then, even though the reaction to those words was completely different than last time he said them. Hikari began to worry when Haruka’s shoulders resumed shaking uncontrollably under his small hands.

Love was the main reason behind Haruka’s distress, the reason why he had tried to run away with an aching heart. The mention of that feeling was enough to expose Haruka’s heart and remind him that his love for Makoto would never be returned. He just wanted to disappear.

“H-Haru?” Hikari stuttered, too young to know that sometimes what a soul needs is silence in order to close its wounds and heal. A warm hand was placed on Haruka’s shoulder, and Hikari noticed how his father was now on his knees next to them. Haruka recognized Makoto’s hand almost immediately, tensing up in Hikari’s arms like a startled animal.

“Dad,” Hikari whispered.

“Hikari’s right, Haru. You’re loved.” Makoto’s gentle voice was back, just like his soft eyes that couldn’t be taken away from Haruka’s tormented heart. The man had so many unanswered questions on the tip of his tongue, and a heart that ached with concern and worry, but knew that there was a list of steps to follow in order to reach Haruka’s heart and bring him peace. “Please, calm down. Breathe. Everything will be alright.”

Letting out a soft sigh, Haruka visibly relaxed his shoulders in Hikari’s arms as Makoto began stroking his back with gentle care. The sobbing, too, came to a stop seconds after and Haruka experienced a peace unlike anything he had experienced in years. Hikari witnessed the scene in silence, amazed by his father’s accomplishment and wishing to never see Haruka in that state ever again.

 

*

 

Makoto sat on a chair by Hikari’s bed after tucking him in. It was around midnight, yet father and son remained in silence for several long seconds, neither one knowing how to break the uncomfortable silence between them. Unconsciously, Makoto placed his hand on top of Hikari’s and began to stroke it gently with his thumb. “I’m so sorry for waking you up like that, Hikari.”

“It’s… alright.” His hand found its way into his father’s hand and held it softly. “When I heard you two screaming I got… really scared.”

The man’s eyes trembled as he looked away, staring off into nothing. “Sorry.”

Hikari stared at his father in silence, knowing he was behaving very unlike himself. The boy bit his lower lip, thinking harder for just one second. Finally, he sat up in bed, turning around and pulling out a picture frame from underneath his pillow. “Dad?”

“Yes, son?” Makoto responded softly.

The boy stared at the picture he held in hands, taking a second before speaking again. “I don’t know what happened between Haru and you,” he started, and soon enough, Makoto’s eyes were back on him. “But… I know he can make you really happy.”

“Why do you—?”

But even before Makoto could finish his sentence, Hikari revealed the photograph to his father. Words died instantly on Makoto’s tongue and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of such familiar scene.

Carefully, Makoto took the photograph from Hikari’s hand and remained quiet. He stared at the picture for a long moment, recalling that day as if it were yesterday. Tracing Haruka’s face on the picture with his long finger, Makoto smiled softly just before his eyes started to tear up. Who would have thought that such a small thing could come to mean so much?

“Where…did you get this from?” Makoto asked in almost a whisper while wiping his tears away with the base of his hand.

Hikari shrugged his shoulders and looked to the side. “I found it in Haru’s bedroom that one time we visited.”

“You stole it?!”

“Y-you’re exaggerating, dad!” The boy covered his face to hide his embarrassment. “It’s just that I’d never seen a picture of you smiling that much and I really wanted to keep it.”  
  
Makoto took a deep breath before shaking his head. “Still, just because you liked the picture doesn’t mean you can take it with you. Haru must have been looking for it ever since.”

“I’m sorry.”

There were a few seconds of silence before Makoto’s eyes wandered back to the picture he held, at those blue orbs staring back at him, brighter than he could ever remember. The photo had been taken a couple months before Haruka confessed, where life was still bright, colorful and simple, and they were naively hoping for a future where things could stay that way. Who would’ve ever thought it would be their last summer together?

“Why can’t you two be like this again?” Hikari asked softly, and oddly enough, Makoto had been asking himself the same thing. “Didn't you love Haru?"

Green eyes travelled up to his son’s face and such a simple question made his heart flutter. Makoto took a deep breath, thinking, letting his heart guide him for once. The realization came slowly, like something that had always been there. A feeling he mistook with mere friendship was really so much more. “I did,” he responded softly, “I do. I love Haru. More than anything.”

His son smiled sweetly at him. “You should let him know, then.”

 

*

 

Sitting in the living room, Haruka waited while his mind was somewhere else.

He barely noticed his cup of tea had gone cold on his hands, almost untouched. The hustle and bustle of the city had calmed down, the highways growing silent under the midnight moon. Haruka closed his eyes, paying close attention to his own heartbeat thumping through his head, too tired to even fight his own thoughts of sorrow.

That’s how Makoto found him minutes later, quiet and surrounded by sadness; a painful sight to watch. He cleared his throat, announcing himself and pulling Haruka out of his thoughts. Their gazes found each other, just like they always did. Judging by how Haruka’s pupils trembled when they landed on him, Makoto could tell that Haruka wanted to say something, but he looked away instead.

Makoto took in a sharp breath and found the courage to walk forward and sit next to Haruka. They remained in silence for a while, both too caught up in their own thoughts. It was just the two of them, sitting in the relative darkness, listening to each other's breathing and feeling each other's presence. The clock ticked quietly, counting down the seconds before Makoto caught himself with his eyes back on Haruka.

Haruka looked conflicted, as if his world was crashing down and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Makoto had to keep his hands to himself, fighting the need to wrap his arms around Haruka and hug him tightly. But he knew he couldn’t, at least until Haruka’s heart was not as fragile as it was right then.

Makoto squinted slightly at the memory of earlier that night. It was hard to live with the realization that he had been the source of Haruka’s misery. He had never felt this guilty before, and he couldn’t forgive himself for causing so much pain to the one he loved. His mind sparked again at that word, just as it had done moments before, and Makoto marvelled that his whole life could change so drastically within such a short time.

Resting his hands on his knees, Makoto listened to their silence for a moment until his lips parted, speaking the words that had been on his heart for as long as he could remember.

“Please don’t leave me.”

Haruka blinked slowly before his eyes went wide. Carefully, he looked back at Makoto but said nothing.

Makoto could feel the weight of Haruka’s eyes on him, big and intense, from the other side of the loveseat, but there was no turning back. His hands closed into fists, and the skin over his knuckles stretched. “I lost you for ten years, but I was lucky enough to find you again.” His face turned, meeting with his own reflection in Haruka’s orbs. “I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let you go another time.”

Haruka's eyes shimmered for a moment and his cheeks heated up. “M-Makoto?” He was at a loss for words, wishing he could comprehend what Makoto was trying to say.

Somehow, Makoto’s hand found its way to Haruka’s and squeezed it lightly. “I thought I knew myself, but turns out that I never did.” A pause. “How come I didn't see it before?”

“What are you talking about?” Haruka saw something in Makoto’s eyes that he couldn’t name or explain, yet it left him completely breathless.

Makoto chuckled in response and smiled sweetly at Haruka. “Sorry. I'm making no sense, aren't I?” He reached over to brush a stray hair from Haruka’s face before resting his hand gently on the other’s cheek. Makoto could feel Haruka’s skin shiver under his touch, cheeks burning bright red. “I just can’t understand how I survived a decade without you.”

Haruka could not tear his wide eyes from Makoto, feeling his heart beating fast in anticipation.

“I love you too, Haru,” Makoto whispered into the space between them. “Sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

For Haruka, it was as if the world became brighter, the air no longer lingering with wisps of black and white. Like waking up from the longest dream, like breaking free from his own nightmare, Haruka wondered if this was what happiness felt like.

He clutched onto Makoto’s strong arms as the air caught in his throat. Entirely overwhelmed, Haruka tried to remember the many times he had dreamt about this moment, only to wake up and find his dreams crushed by his own reality. He gritted his teeth and his throat tightened at the thought. His grip increased instinctively around Makoto and, suddenly, he was shaking once again.

He was so afraid this was _just a dream_. He was so afraid of letting go and losing it all.

Makoto’s arm slid around Haruka’s back and hauled him closer, hugging him tightly to his broad chest. Haru’s head immediately found a place between Makoto’s neck and shoulder, breathing in the scent that was like a drug taking away his pain. Makoto’s arms felt like home, right where Haruka belonged. When he closed his eyes, Haruka felt like he could finally breathe again for the first time in so many years. This time he was not drowning. He knew that he would never drown again because he had Makoto’s arms around him, holding him up, protecting him from the dark waves that tried to take him back.

“Makoto…” That name was the only thing in Haruka’s mind, the only word he could say.

“It’s always been you, Haru.” Makoto said softly, his voice so gentle and kind. Those words meant everything to Haruka. They made him strong, yet weak enough to cry. Tears of relief and hope spilled down his cheeks.

Makoto ran his hand gently over Haruka’s head, feeling those tears soaking through his shirt. Up until this moment, now that he held him close, he had forgotten how their bodies complemented each other in perfect harmony; his bulky body against Haruka’s relatively smaller one. In silence, Makoto thought that Haruka fit perfectly in his arms, like it was meant to be, like maybe they were meant to happen.

Carefully, he shifted his arms, loosing up their hug just to get a closer look of Haruka’s face, but he was stopped right away by a sob that was not his own.

“D-don’t,” Haruka pleaded, arms tight around the taller man, “Don’t let go. Please, just for a little longer, don’t let go.”

A pain spread through Makoto’s chest at Haru’s desperate words, and the understanding dawned on him that they had a long way to go. Yet, from here on they will be together. And for now, that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened!!!!
> 
> THIS was the LONGEST chapter so far, but it all needed to happen in the same chapter. 
> 
> Again, THANK YOU!! You guys are our motivation :D!!! See you all on chapter 11!!
> 
> Check out our Tumblr!  
> Ohmynanase.tumblr.com  
> Utsukushin.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	11. Like a ghost that held a grudge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I feel like I should personally apologize to each one of you for what we are about to do." - Utsukushin

It didn’t take Haruka too long to remember that Makoto wasn’t, and was never going to be, a morning person. 

In the whisper of the rain and the quiet morning noises, Haruka walked down the hall and stopped right in front of the second door to the left. The scent of fresh breakfast lingered in the air behind him, coming all the way from the kitchen table where three neatly-served plates waited. He glanced at his wristwatch and rolled his eyes, knowing that Makoto had probably forgotten to set his alarm again.

“Makoto, you’re going to be late again,” Haruka warned, reaching out and turning the doorknob. He glanced at Makoto and found him still sleeping soundly on his side of the bed. Haruka let out a huff of breath and walked in.

The old wood floor cracked under his feet as he entered the room. “Wake up!” Haruka raised his hand to shoulder level, swung it down and landed with a fairly loud pop on his lover’s bottom.

Makoto jolted awake and his eyes snapped open. “W-wha?!” He rolled out of bed and fell onto the floor, tangled up in his sheets with a loud thud. 

Haruka stared at him blankly for a moment, then smirked before turning on his heels and leaving the room. “Good, you’re finally awake. Hurry up and get dressed, it’s almost seven.”

Staggering to his feet groggily, Makoto rubbed his bottom, still fighting the sleep that sought to claim him. Halfway through a yawn, his eyes landed on the clock by the bed and he almost choked on his breath. “You gotta be kidding me!”

From the kitchen, Haruka heard Makoto stumbling around his room, rushing and wide awake. He couldn’t help but wonder if the neighbors could hear this daily morning disaster from the other side of those thin walls. If this was the first time this happened, Haruka would find the whole situation funny and somehow adorable, but it was the third time he stayed over at the Tachibana’s after long date night and it was, also, the third time Makoto wouldn’t be up on time. A sigh echoed from his lips.

While Haruka wrapped a bento box in a red patterned cloth on the counter, Hikari joined him in the kitchen a minute away from seven in the morning. “Good morning, Haru,” the boy said, already in his uniform and ready for school. “Did dad sleep in again?”

Haruka looked over his shoulder, witnessing the exact moment when the boy took his seat and admired the breakfast on the table. “Yes, a little bit.” Hikari looked to Haruka, who smiled and took a seat next to him. “Did you sleep well?” Hikari smiled eagerly and nodded.

By the time they were both done with their breakfast, Makoto walked into the kitchen with panic plastered on his face. “Hikari, are you ready? We need to leave now.” He emphasized, and little Hikari nodded before getting off his chair.

“What about breakfast?” Haruka asked, standing up as well. Makoto stopped just to look back at Haruka with an apologetic smile flashing his way.

“I’m sorry Haru, but we’re really running late this time.”

“That’s what you said on Monday,” Haruka mumbled under his breath, and there was something in the tone of his voice that caught Hikari’s attention. The boy turned around with his bento box in hand and eyes back on the adults talking from across the kitchen. Before Makoto could even respond, Haruka took a step forward and grabbed one of the two lunch boxes from the counter, placing it in Makoto’s hands. “At least finish your lunch this time, you can’t keep skipping meals like this. No job is worth your health.”

“A-ah, yes. Sorry. I’ll try.” Makoto laughed nervously and broke their eye contact, which was enough for Haruka to believe otherwise.

Trying not to think too much about it, Haruka followed them both out of the kitchen until his eyes met with the front door. The breeze of the city intruded its way into the small apartment when the door knob was turned and Hikari hugged him goodbye.

“We'll see you tonight, then,” Makoto announced a moment later, his voice causing Haruka to look up and meet with the same smile he fell in love with. “Have a good day at work.”

Instinctively, Haruka grabbed Makoto by the wrist as he turned to leave and stopped him. Makoto looked back at him, confused, and even more when Haruka wouldn't dare to look back at him. “Haru…?”

Haruka’s face became red with embarrassment once the realization struck him and, slowly, he dragged his eyes to meet his. His lips didn’t move, seemingly as if he forgot how to speak and could do nothing but stare at Makoto’s soft lips.

Maybe because he could read Haruka just as well as he could read any book, Makoto knew right then what his lover wanted. His eyes softened, and he leaned forward until their foreheads touched. “Oh, I see. I almost forgot,” came Makoto’s voice, soft as a whisper.

That voice sent a shiver though Haruka’s spine. It always did. Makoto smiled and raised Haruka’s chin slightly while he bent over and their lips met. Slowly, brushing lightly against each other, they shared a kiss that felt just as pure as the first one they ever shared. Makoto had always loved that Haruka couldn't imagine facing a day without a morning kiss from him.

*

 

Once inside the car, Hikari sat quietly as Makoto backed up from his parking spot and started driving down the rainy streets. The boy watched his father in silent reverence for a moment, letting the music from the radio fill the air surrounding them. The smile on his father’s lips was so wide, so brilliant and uninhibited, that Hikari couldn’t stop himself from smiling as well. 

Hikari couldn’t get used to this side of his father, to catch him smiling when he thought nobody was watching. Hikari didn’t need to ask why, he knew perfectly well the reason behind his father’s happiness. He knew that Makoto was probably thinking about Haruka again.

Lately, he had witnessed them kiss many times before. His curious eyes would never miss his father gentleness as they kissed, or how Haruka would always gaze dreamily at Makoto when their lips parted and the kiss was over. It made him wonder if this what how two adults in love looked like.

“Hey dad?”

“Yes, ‘Kari?”

“Is Haru gonna be my new mom?”

Makoto yelped, blushing as hard as possible, and hitting the breaks, hard.

*

It was nearly noon when the local bookstore got busier than it had been in a long while. With the local high school students preparing for their exams and the fifth book of the ‘Before’ series being published, there was no pause between each customer that walked in.

This was Makoto’s least favorite time of the year, when there was so much to do yet so little time. He was so behind on his everyday tasks, constantly interrupted by random walk-ins and phone calls, and it was driving him insane.

Fighting the urge to hide himself inside the break room for at least a minute, Makoto felt completely overwhelmed and stressed, but the pile of books resting on the floor beside his knee was a constant reminder that there was no time to waste or get distracted.

Putting the new merchandize away, one after the other, Makoto felt the stress building up more on his shoulders. It had only been three hours since his shift started but Makoto was already exhausted and ready for the day to be over.

“Excuse me, sir?” a voice, young and determined called for his attention. “Sir?”

Makoto’s actions frozen in mid-motion and he took a deep breath, trying to shake off the turmoil he was feeling. He turned around to meet with the customer calling for help. “Yes?” he answered, cheeks aching with a forced smile.

“I am looking for this book.” Out of her left pocket, she pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to the taller man. “Can you help me find it, please?”

Makoto only nodded because he knew he had to, but deep inside he wondered why all these annoying customers couldn't disappear so he could get his work done without further distractions. Couldn't they leave him alone for one minute? One minute!

Opening the folded piece of paper, Makoto took a second to read its content before looking back at the girl and assuring he would be back momentarily. By the time he reached the backroom, Makoto covered his face with both when another surge of panic hit him. 

He hated his job, he hated to work this hard and yet get paid so damn little. His brain was not built for this kind of stress. Being twenty-eight years old and working full time in a bookstore was definitely not where he wanted to be. It was laughable, but his sad reality. He just wanted to go home so badly, to spend time with his son and kiss his lover. Why was being a responsible adult so hard?

The backroom door swung open to reveal Chigusa with panic in her eyes. “Makoto! Mr. Takano is looking for you.”

Uncovering his face, Makoto didn’t have time to hide his evident stress from his coworker. “Huh?! W-why? What’s wrong?”

“The inventory is off and there’s thousand of books that are missing.” 

She said, teal eyes unable to remain still and wandering over the floor before they found their way back to Makoto’s. “I've never seen him this angry before, about... anything.”

“T-this can’t be happening!” Makoto mumbled, his voice shaky, dragging a hands through his hair. “Not today!”

Hurried steps took him to the wooden door, ready to dash out and get the issue resolved before his boss could complain any more; but it was the piece of paper still in his hand that stopped him under the door frame and reminded him of the customer waiting to hear back from him.

Makoto froze. The stress flooded through his mind, burning him down to ashes, reminding him of the things to be done and the time that kept slipping through his fingers. “SHIT!” His eyebrow twitched and his fist punched the wall in anger.

“M-Makoto!”

“This is ridiculous!” The man ended up crouched on the ground with both hands covering his head, eyes tightly shut. “Running a bookstore shouldn’t be this hard! I just want to be a good father and provide to my kid!”

Chigusa had to blink a couple times before reacting, she had never seen Makoto this stressed before. Quickly, she got on her knees next to him and placed a reassuring hand on her coworker’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright,” she whispered, noticing how cold he was under her touch. “You are doing a great job. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Makoto didn’t answer, remaining quiet as he focused on his own breathing. They stayed like that for almost a whole minute before Makoto began to stand up in an attempt to get things done. Suddenly his head spun and his vision got blurry. He nearly fell back to the floor, but his legs managed to find some strength to keep him from falling.

“H-hey, careful.” Chigusa helped Makoto to stand by grabbing his arms. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry, I just got a little lightheaded.” Makoto said as he leaned against the wall.

“You look like you are about to faint,” she observed with concern. “Maybe you should ask for the day off and get some rest.”

“I’m okay, really.”

“But Makoto —! ”

The door opening left Chigusa words hanging in the air when Mr. Takano walked in and the tension in the air rose considerably. Mr. Takano was a very, very strict boss with zero room for patience. 

“You.” Takano’s pale finger pointed coldly at Makoto, while his brown eyes pierced his employer with a fierce gaze.  “What’s taking you so long? Come with me, now.”

Makoto gulped audibly and nodded. “Y-yes!”

*

 

Makoto had never left the bookstore this early before, when the sun was still out and the streets still alive, and he looked entirely out of place in the midst of the hustle and bustle. Even though his feet were moving on their own, walking through a sea of people, his mind was somewhere else.    
  
His mind was still at the bookstore, repeating fresh memories from almost half an hour ago when Mr. Takano asked him to leave. He couldn’t remember exactly how Mr. Takano approached the subject, or even the words he used. All that Makoto could recall was the burning sensation that soon followed. Bumping past shoulders, lost and helpless, Makoto couldn’t remember how or when he got into his car and started crying.

He had no job.

He was unemployed, staring at his last paycheck with only the cold, horrible realization that it wouldn’t be enough to cover the upcoming bills. Everything seemed terribly, terribly expensive.

What was he supposed to do now? He had always been a hard worker, an honest person that did things the right way and tried not to cause too much trouble, yet life would always find a way to take everything from him and leave him feeling hopeless. Why did he bother, if this was what his life would always be, if this had always been what he was destined to become?

Makoto sobbed harder when he thought about Hikari. His little boy didn’t deserve to be involved in this mess, to have a father that couldn’t even keep a job or to live in the conditions they lived. He knew his son deserved better, and it crushed him to know that he wasn’t able to give Hikari a normal childhood and a better life.

The sound of laughter made Makoto look past his tears through the front window, seeing a little girl and her mother crossing the street across from where his car was parked. Suddenly feeling exposed, he dabbed at his tears with the sleeve of his shirt and started the car.

He drove off, trying to run away from his own anxieties and get his peace back. Makoto just drove and drove with no direction and no intention of stopping, just listening to silence and going through the motions of driving.    
  
He kept going, driving for a full hour, until his tank was near empty. Fully aware of his tight budget, Makoto headed back to  Totsuka Swimming School and parked in the very back of the lot where he wouldn’t be spotted.

It was still too early and Hikari’s lesson wouldn’t start until five in the afternoon, but Makoto had nowhere to go and needed time to compose himself before meeting with anyone. He laid his seat back and watched as the day went by.

Before laying down, he spotted Haruka’s blue Mitsubishi parked three rows away, and a bitter feeling of resentment began to swell in his chest. In his eyes, Haruka’s life had always been perfect. No complications, Haruka always it all together: the talent, the money, the time and everything else he lacked. 

Makoto sighed wearily, and rubbed a hand across his tired eyes. He really hadn't realized how tired he was until then. Gradually, the tears dried, but he made no move to sit up. He would be better off sleeping. At least in that way he would be able to pause his distress and forget everything for a while.  
  


*

 

Makoto woke up to a blurry violet-orange sky and the sun setting after a long day. Makoto groaned, sitting up and rubbing his eyes while yawning. He tiredly searched for his cellphone on the passenger seat and checked the time. It was almost five thirty and he still had another half hour before Hikari’s lesson was over.

There was a moment of silence before his self-conscious thoughts resurfaced and he remembered that he no longer had a job to return to. He remained silent for a long while, his green eyes vacant, staring at nothing in particular.

Trying not to think too much, Makoto turned off his senses and left the car. Maybe watching his son’s swimming for the rest of the lesson would help him to keep his mind away from his current distress.

As he walked towards the building, Makoto found his feet stopping at the sight of someone exiting through the front door. When the man lifted his eyes from the concrete floor and met with Makoto’s, a wide grin spread across his face. “Makoto!” he said cheerily, “I knew I was going to run into you sooner or later.”

The familiarity of the person that stood before him brought back waves of memories competing for space in his mind. “Coach Sasabe!”

He still looked just like Makoto remembered him. There were more laugh lines around his eyes and his hair was a little bit lighter than it was ten years ago, but the glint in his eye and the chaotic Hawaiian shirt were still there.

“It’s good to see you, Makoto!” Sasabe laughed, reaching out and slapping Makoto’s back. “I can't believe how time flies by! I can still remember the day you and Haruka joined the Swim Club like it was yesterday, and look at you now!”

“There’s not too much to see, really.” Makoto laughed nervously while rubbing the back of his neck.

“What are you talking about? You got a kid now, don’t ya? Talk about making me feel old!”

“How do you — ?”

“Haruka’s class is currently practicing backstroke, you should go in and see it yourself,” the man chuckled brightly. “Hikari's really killing it, he's definitely got your talent!"

Makoto remained silent for a pensive moment, unable to hide the surprise spreading across his face as he stared at the older man. Sasabe’s words caught him somewhere deep inside his chest, warming up his heart and bringing light into the dark corners of his mind.

_ Hikari learning backstroke.  _ Makoto didn’t know how something so simple could have the power to make him smile.

“Go ahead and grab a seat for us, will ya?” Sasabe suggested, placing a hand on Makoto’s shoulder and grinning wide. “I’m just gonna get something from my car and join you right after!”

*

 

There were not many parents visiting the swimming club that night, leaving the second floor nearly empty except for one person. Makoto sat in the furthest corner, watching the swimming pool from across the glass with distant eyes. The sweet smell of chlorine wafted through the air, reviving memories from his childhood and summers spent by the swimming pool.

When he turned his head to the side to examine one of the lanes, Makoto immediately recognized his son ready to get into the pool. Fastening his goggles over his eyes, Hikari pressed them in with the palms of his hands and smiled eagerly. Makoto watched him with amazement as he took off like a bullet from the wall. Hikari’s backstroke was phenomenal, simply outstanding, and Makoto couldn’t help but feel proud of his son.

_ Too bad that Hikari’s talent would go to waste once Makoto could no longer afford paying for those afternoon lessons. _

“Hikari is a natural, don’t ya think?” Sasabe’s voice broke Makoto’s train of thoughts, forcing him to look up and meet with the older man with two soda cans in hand. Their gazes met and Sasabe offered one can to Makoto with a smile. “For you.”

“Oh, thank you.” Makoto managed to force a small smile out, taking the can from Sasabe's hands with ease.

Both men’s eyes went back to the pool and watched Hikari racing down the lane while Haruka watched carefully with both arms crossed over his chest. Popping open his can, Sasabe sat down next to Makoto, taking a deep breath. “So, what have you been up to?”

“Nothing much, really,” Makoto started, avoiding as much eye contact as possible and sharing as little as he could. “Aside having a kid, I am pretty much the same guy I was last time we met.”

Sasabe watched him quietly for a moment and his eyes softened almost immediately. A small comprehensive smile took over his chapped lips. Sasabe could tell there had been some rough times through Makoto’s life, but he knew it wasn't his place to dig any further. “Ah, I see.”

The older man took a sip of his soda, letting a pause fall between them before continuing. “Well, that’s what sucks about being an adult. Once you reach the peak and settle down, everything becomes routine, and what you see doesn’t surprise you anymore.”

“Yeah…” Makoto whispered, flexing and tapping his finger against the can. He ached for some stability, for a life of routines instead of bills piling up on the kitchen table. Clearing his throat, Makoto tried to distract himself from his dark thoughts and decided to take the spotlight off his shoulders. “What brings you to Tokyo, Coach Sasabe?”

“Hey, hey. Stop with the formalities. Call me Sasabe, will ya? It’s weird having a grown man calling me ‘Coach’.” The older man laughed before adjusting himself on his seat. “A very dear friend of mine runs this swimming school, I just came by to pay him a visit. Besides, how do you think Haruka ended up teaching here?”

Makoto blinked slowly, confused by the information just given.

Finally, the kids started to leave the pool, gathering around Haruka as they exchanged high fives between them. It seemed like everyone was having a good time, especially Hikari, who wouldn’t leave Haruka’s side for two seconds. One of the other kids raised his hands in the air with a wide, childish smile before speaking out loud. Suddenly, he got everyone’s attention on him and all the kids chanted in agreement.

Haruka shook his head side to side in denial, but Hikari quickly pulled at his hand and looked up at him with pleading eyes. Haruka sighed and looked off to the side before taking a step back. Fastening his goggles over his eyes, he approached the starting block and dove into the pool with practiced grace.

In amusement the kids watched how Haruka swam his first lap through the pool, and Makoto found his breath stolen at the sight of his lover swimming. Nostalgia flew through his veins when he realized he hadn’t seen Haruka swim since high school. He had almost forgot how elegant he was in the water, how he reminded him of a dolphin when he swam – graceful and powerful.

“Makoto,” Sasabe said, unusually soft and quiet. The tone in his voice brought Makoto out of his daze enough to catch his attention. “How is Haruka doing lately?”

“Good,” Makoto replied, yet his cheeks picked up a subtle pink shade, “Better than when we first met again, I think.”

“The universe never meant for you two to be apart,” the older man chuckled, then closed his eyes and let a sigh escape his lips. “I’m glad you’re back in his life, Makoto.”

There was something about those words that didn’t feel right, but Makoto could do nothing but listen.

“That boy really needs you. Don’t ever leave his side again.” The worried look on Sasabe’s face persisted. “I'll never be able to forget the night I first met him after all that time.”

“What do you mean?” Makoto asked, forgetting his surroundings and the noises of the pool and children. When Sasabe’s gaze met his, Makoto somehow knew that what he was about to hear would drastically change his existence.

“You are his best friend, I guess you have the right to know.” He set his empty can on the floor and cleared his throat before leaning his head against the back of the seat. He took several seconds for himself, as if trying to choose the right words. “It was a few years ago I think,” Sasabe’s eyes squinted as he made an effort to remember, “It was late at night, and I was coming back home from a trip to the grocery store. I was crossing the bridge next to the train station when I saw a person standing on the wrong side of the railing, leaning out.”

Makoto listened to every word, carefully, afraid of missing even the smallest detail.

“Apparently, that bridge was a common suicide site around that time and I wasn’t planning to get myself involved, so I thought I was better off ignoring the scene and minding my own business.” Sasabe paused again, and his eyes began to lose their usual sparkle. “But when I got close enough, I realized I knew them.”

“Please don’t tell me —, ” Makoto’s palms itched and his throat went dry. “H-Haru?”

The older man nodded jerkily, “That’s right. Just looking at him, standing there and barely holding on, felt like a stab in the gut.” Sasabe uneasily shoved his hands inside his pockets, trying hard to keep his voice from cracking. “All I could see was the little boy that swam in the club’s pool like it was home. The whole scene broke my heart.”

Makoto’s breathing hitched in his throat and he unconsciously gripped his empty soda can so hard his knuckles turned white. His chest grew tight, and his heart pounded painfully, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the other man and his tragic words.

“I hadn't seen him in years,” Sasabe added. “He kind of disappeared right after you two graduated, and not even Rei or Nagisa knew anything about him either.”

Makoto’s heart sank lower than he ever imagined possible.

“So I ran, wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him back over the edge. I was so afraid of letting go. Haruka didn’t make a sound, just cried quietly.” The man continued, and Makoto’s head felt much heavier on his shoulders. “I asked where you were and he broke out sobbing. It made me wonder if you were dead because what else would have gotten Haruka in such a state?”

“I don’t —. ” Makoto whispered.

_ Oh, but he knew. _ Makoto knew the reason why.

“After the longest fifteen seconds of my life, I asked Haruka to come home with me and we left together. I started checking on him almost everyday, until I invited him to work at the swimming club with me just to keep him close. Oddly enough, he accepted in a heartbeat.a heart beat.”

It was too much information shooted at once and Makoto’s head fell victim of the strongest headache he’d ever experienced. He pressed his hands against his forehead and looked away, meeting back with the pool and the students leaving for the day. His green eyes instantly fell on Haruka’s figure, standing by the locker door, exchanging a few words with Hikari before the boy disappeared from his view.

For Makoto, that second lasted an eternity. Watching as Haruka started the process of cleaning the pool, Makoto wondered how someone like him could keep such a tragic past perfectly hidden behind a pair of ocean eyes.

After a sigh, Sasabe’s voice resumed its normal tone. “He definitely looks happier now, that’s all that matters to me.”

Makoto tried to speak, ask questions, but his throat felt tighter, hotter and raw; he could barely keep his eyes from trembling. It didn’t take too long for the older man to notice how awfully quiet Makoto had became, and his blond eyebrows rose with genuine concern.

“Hey, are you alri —? ” Sasabe started, but was rudely interrupted by his phone ringing. Mumbling under his breath, he pulled the device out of his pocket and checked the screen. His eyes went wide as his cheeks lit up with slight amusement. The older man stood up from his seat almost immediately and shared with Makoto an apologetic smile. “Please excuse me, but I really need to take this call.”

Before Sasabe could even turn away, Makoto managed to stop him by grabbing his arm. “T-thank you,” He choked out. He couldn’t manage to say anything else, but just by looking into Sasabe’s eyes, Makoto could tell that he understood.  

“Anything for my boys.”

*

 

He couldn’t remember how he got down the stairs. Everything was so hazy. It was hard to concentrate, or even walk straight. He stopped at the base of the stairs, leaning against the wall behind him as he tried to catch his breath. Haruka’s words echoed over and over inside his head, haunting him like a ghost that held a grudge. 

_ ‘Do you think you were the only one hurting all those years? Do you think you're the only one whose life fell apart...?!’ _

Words that made no sense at the time now felt like a strike of lightning in his chest, like thousands needles coming right through his heart. He couldn't understand how he had been so blind, too self-centered to notice that he knew nothing about Haruka’s life from the years they spent apart. His heart ached.

Hikari’s laughter echoed down the corridor. Makoto found himself turning, pushing himself off the wall and walking over. Entering the lobby, he met with Hikari’s wide smile and bright eyes.

“Dad!” Hikari immediately ran over to him and tugged on his hand, fully dressed and ready to go. “Where were you? Haru and I are starving!”

“I’m sorry. We’re leaving now, alright?” Makoto tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

“Makoto.” He had been so absorbed in his own thoughts that Haruka’s arrival had taken him completely by surprise and he yelped, earning a look of concern from his lover and son.

“S-sorry, I didn’t see you there.” It took far too much effort to keep his voice from giving him away.

A brief chuckle escaped Haruka’s lips. “Calm down, it’s only me.”

Makoto’s green eyes tried to focus on Haru’s words, his rare smile, but the deafening beating of his own heart blurred the sweet tone of his voice. Haruka’s lips kept moving but Makoto heard nothing.

Suddenly he couldn’t move, he couldn’t look away. He suddenly noticed the strangest little things: The water droplets dripping from Haruka’s still wet hair, his nose slightly crinkled as he continued talking, his skin shining under the light of the hall or the way his eyes sparkled full of life.

Haruka was standing right in front of him. Haruka was alive, but if Sasabe hadn’t taken that bridge years ago, they wouldn’t be breathing the same air now. The realization was enough to make him feel sick and bring the tightness back to his throat. 

Makoto didn’t have to ask or even wonder. He knew he had been the source of Haruka’s depression. It was all because of him, because he left him alone, because he didn’t handle things differently or stop Haruka from leaving.

The pounding of his heart became louder and louder within his ears as one single thought filled his mind. Haruka could have been dead. The fact that Haruka could have died below the bridge that night, feeling alone and broken, was more than Makoto could ever bear.

Unconsciously, Makoto let go of Hikari’s hand and stumbled back. His hands returned to his head, pressing hard against his forehead as his headache surged back, throbbing mercilessly behind his eyes.

His face twisted in pain, completely unaware of the worried looks Haruka and Hikari were sending his way. His lungs weren’t getting enough air and his vision was getting dark. With the thoughts swirling in his mind, guilt stabbed his heart like a dagger. A sound that resembled a pained sob escaped his lips, and as his troubled eyes met Haruka’s worried blue ones, Makoto reached out to touch Haruka’s face. 

The hand never reached him. Haruka’s whole world grinded to a halt when Makoto collapsed onto the cold, tile floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can't help but feel really bad for Makoto, we really hurt him on this chapter! But... it's okay, trust us on this one, okay?
> 
> Check out our Tumblr!  
> Ohmynanase.tumblr.com  
> Utsukushin.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	12. But you got me now, don’t you?

Haruka was so shocked he couldn't move his eyes away from the body now lying before him. His panicked heart was beating wildly in his chest and not a single sound seemed to reach him. His eyes trembled, fixed on his lover’s face, and he was overwhelmed with confusion. 

It wasn't until Hikari started yelling, calling for his father, that Haruka was able to snap out of his trance and react. He fell on his knees, placed his hands on Makoto’s shoulder and pushed to make him lay on his back.

Haruka’s long fingers inspected Makoto’s neck for a pulse, then his nose and mouth for breathing. He didn't realize he was shaking until he tried to unbutton the first two buttons of Makoto’s shirt in an attempt to help him breathe better.

Hikari was crying, louder and louder, reaching Haruka’s nerves and interrupting his concentration. He felt dizzy and closed his eyes tightly, struggling to move his heavy limbs and think clearly.

“Hikari,” he called to the boy, but he did not react. Trying again, Haruka snapped his fingers loudly enough to get his attention. “Hikari!” The poor little boy, lost in his own tears, looked up and settled his eyes on Haruka.

“Go to the lobby and get some help, please!” Haruka ordered and the boy nodded, not even thinking twice before turning on his heels and running down the hall, disappearing from the adult’s sight.

Once alone, Haruka resumed inspecting Makoto’s body, feeling his heart lurch when he noticed how cold and pale he was. Makoto’s collarbones were sharp edges sticking from under his skin, and Haruka pulled in a sharp breath.

“W-what’s going on, Makoto?” he whispered shakily.

Even though Hikari had been gone for only ten seconds, it felt like an eternity for Haruka, and the man decided to start acting on his own instead. His hands searched for Makoto’s phone, looking through his clothes before finding it inside his left pants pocket. He pulled the device out to call an ambulance, but when he spotted the last unread message displayed on Makoto’s screen, Haruka’s eyes widened in shock.  
  


*

The world was a cruel and unforgiving place, and hospitals reminded Haruka of that. He had never liked them, not since his grandmother had passed in one almost twenty years ago in a bed far too similar to the one where Makoto rested now.

Hikari was sleeping next to his father, his little precious face resting on Makoto's shoulder, dried tears streaks still visible on his cheeks. Haruka had never seen the boy so scared and vulnerable before, unable to pretend that he was okay like he normally would have. Makoto was Hikari’s everything, Haruka knew very well.

The room was dark, and Haruka sat next to the bed that father and son shared, holding Makoto’s hand tight and feeling too afraid to let go. He was alone with the night and alone with his thoughts, his worst enemy.

The last time he checked it was almost three in the morning, but Haruka couldn't find the courage to fall asleep. He was nervous and so paranoid. Too afraid of waking up to an empty bed and bad news.

Maybe it was all in his head, maybe he shouldn’t be worrying this much. Makoto appeared to be responding to treatment, looking less pale now, though his blood pressure was still quite low last time the nurse checked. The doctor had diagnosed him with an eating disorder, a theory that Haruka rejected and spent almost an entire hour trying to convince the doctor otherwise.

It was true that Makoto had lost a lot of weight, maybe too much; his cheekbones were so prominent and hollow that he didn’t look quite like himself anymore. It was just stress, too much stress. Haruka knew it very well because he had seen several texts and missed phone calls in Makoto’s phone to prove his point.

Tearing his eyes away from Makoto, Haruka stared down at the ground. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his conflicted heart. Makoto had lost his job, he had been fired for reasons that Haruka failed to know, but it all made sense now. He partially understood Makoto’s distress and couldn’t help but wonder why Makoto didn’t call him right after it happened.

Was Makoto planning on keeping this a secret from him?

Green eyes blinked open and Makoto’s hand mindlessly tightened its grip around Haruka’s. Makoto woke slowly, and was immediately assaulted with a terrible headache that brought a wave of nausea when he tried to sit up. “Ungh…” He covered his mouth and shut his eyes once again.

“Makoto…!” Haruka leaned forward quickly, speaking softly so as not to wake up Hikari. Placing a hand on Makoto’s chest, Haruka tried to get him to lay back down. “It’s okay, you’re alright. Lay back down, please.”

Makoto couldn't focus his eyes properly, and he found himself struggling to keep them open. His head shifted to the side and h spotted Hikari sleeping right next to him, plaguing his mind with so many questions. “Where are we?” he asked quietly. Once his vision adjusted to the night, Makoto looked at the unfamiliar surroundings and then back to his lover. “What happened, Haru?”

His memories weren't quite coherent, only a blur of colors and lagging gaps. They weren’t in the right place and he couldn’t tell exactly why his heart felt so heavy when he looked at Haruka.

Haruka tried to keep himself together, to remain calm and collected, but it was hard to force back his anxiety. His ocean eyes felt like burning, unable to meet with those emerald ones looking his way, so he sat back in his chair and took a couple seconds before answering.

“We’re in the Kitahara hospital,” he responded in a whisper. Now knowing that Makoto was okay, the only thing Haruka could focus on was on his own trembling fingers. “You fainted at the  swimming school, right in front of Hikari and me.”

“What…?” Makoto’s voice was still scratchy and weak. “H-how did that happen?”

Haruka shrugged his shoulders silently and slowly his other hand made it to Makoto’s, holding it tight before the other could tell he was shaking. “When was the last time you ate anything?” he asked.

Putting two and two together, green eyes flew back to Haruka’s face and it was as if he could finally read between the lines. Looking away from Haruka yet again, it finally hit him. “Yesterday, when we ate dinner together. I think.” He answered honestly, yet slightly ashamed. “I don't really remember.”

“You barely ate that time. You've been starving yourself,” Haruka replied. Too quiet. Too serious.

“I haven't really had much of an appetite-”

“Makoto!” Haru snapped and Makoto froze at the mention of his name, glancing up worriedly. Hikari made a small noise, moved in his sleep and curled into Makoto. They both remained quiet for some moments, then Haruka spoke again. “Don’t you dare to scare your son like that, ever again.”

Makoto's heart broke a little at the tone of Haruka’s voice, vulnerable and full of pain. Haruka hoped that Makoto wouldn't notice how kept trembling, his mind overflowing with desperate feelings that he had tried to ignore until now. Haruka couldn’t understand how he remained calm this long, how he pretended to be alright for Hikari’s sake when he had been dying inside.

There was no use pretending he was strong, or ignore how scared he still was. The shaking became slightly worse and Haruka forced himself to close his eyes. “...Don’t scare me, either,” he continued as his voice broke. “If… you’re too stressed, I already told you that I am here to help.”

“Haru…” Makoto’s breath got stuck in his throat. He hadn't even realized how much his recklessness had scared Haruka until right then. The guilt grew, distracted only by one word that left him frozen.

_ Stressed. _ That word fell heavy on Makoto’s stomach, the sensation of helplessness  expanding through his body like a flame devouring paper. He remembered it, then. “I lost my job today,” he whispered, more to himself than to Haruka. The memories hit him like a ton of bricks, and the anxiety from before started building up again.  Unable to fight it back, he balled his hands up in fists. “I got fired, Haru. I’m so… embarrassed.”

Slowly, Haruka looked back at his lover and made no effort to talk. He just kept staring at him, noticing how Makoto was struggling to find his own voice. Though the sight hurt him, Haruka just wanted to hear whatever Makoto had to say, to hear the truth coming out of his lips, to feel that Makoto really wanted him to know this. To feel special and needed.

“I made a mistake with our inventory. My… boss got really mad at me. I can’t even recall exactly what he was saying, his excuses were not making any sense.” Makoto continued, as if talking to himself, remembering as much as he could. “But suddenly he said we were overstaffed and that he couldn’t have me around any longer.”

He kept his voice low, trying his hardest not to disrupt his son’s sleep any further, but it was getting harder the more he remembered. “The bookstore was packed today and we could barely help our customers out, Haru.” His green eyes started to water. “There’s no way that store could’ve been overstaffed.”

Soon, their gazes met again and Haruka saw a different pain that Makoto had only shared with him once, a couple months ago when they got stuck in the elevator. That pain that Makoto had always tried so hard to hide, the one he would never share because he had always been too nice to burden others with his own issues. This was a pain that Haruka barely knew, yet he wanted to help Makoto get rid of it so badly.

“He just got tired of me, I guess,” Makoto added in a whisper, turning back to Hikari and using his index finger to caress his sleeping son’s cheek lovingly. “I always asked for overtime and left everyday for half an hour to pick Hikari from school and take him to my sister’s.”

_ It hurt.  _ Haruka’s heart. It hurt.

“Maybe he just wanted to get rid of me.” The first tears fell down his face as Makoto blinked, and a sad smile appeared on his face. “After all, I am just a single father with no job and a hassle—”

“You are not a hassle, Makoto!” Haruka stood from his chair, looking down at him with teary eyes. Makoto didn’t have the courage to look up back at Haruka and remained still, just listening. “You need to stop thinking so low of yourself, please.”

“I am just saying the truth. I mean, just look at me,” Makoto responded in a serious tone, not bothering to acknowledge the tears that flowed openly down his cheeks. “I fainted because I’ve been too stressed to eat properly. I barely have money to feed my child, and if you are not around I’d rather save a couple yen then buy myself a proper meal.”

“Then I’ll be around even more,” Haruka started, “I’ll be around so often that you’re going to get sick of me.”

“Like I would ever get sick of you,” Makoto scoffed, “I think you'll be the one to get sick of me first.”

Their silence grew in length and size, and it became heavier on Haruka’s chest. He found himself speechless, not used to this negative side of Makoto. His heart ached against his ribcage, trying to even comprehend where was Makoto coming from, but he just couldn't. There was no way on earth he would ever get sick of Makoto.

The shadows of the night were taking Makoto’s light away, leaving just an empty look on his face that Haruka couldn't bear to look at any longer. Haruka felt a familiar hollowness taking over in his stomach. It wasn't pain, fear, or loss, it was just a reminder of a decision he made years ago. Haruka’s ocean eyes lost their usual spark, and they became dull and emotionless.

_ Without Makoto… _

"I’d rather die." His words came out like daggers, strong enough to break Makoto out of his rut and force his attention back to Haruka.

Makoto’s face lost all its colour and shocked green eyes couldn’t stop trembling, echoes of a past conversation with Sasabe drifting through the back of his mind. It seemed Haruka was just stating a point, but he was completely unaware that Makoto knew about his darkest night and had enough information to take those words seriously.

Makoto found his hand moving of its own accord, sliding gently up Haruka’s arm and holding it in a soft grasp. “I-I’m sorry, Haru. I didn’t mean it that way,” he whispered. “Please, never say something like that again. I… I need you with me, okay?”

Just before Haruka looked back at him, he squeezed Makoto’s hand tightly and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. “I need you too. Isn’t it obvious?” He leaned over and wiped the tears off Makoto’s cheeks. “Why do you keep closing yourself off to me?”

_ Why? _

“I don’t know. I’m just…so stressed lately.” A simple response, the quickest explanation Makoto could ever find. He pulled Haruka’s arm and invited him to sit on the bed next to him, while his own green eyes fought fresh tears every time he blinked. “It’s too much for me. It has always been too much for me.”

“But you got me now, don’t you?” Haruka slipped his arms around Makoto and rested his chin on his shoulder close to his lover’s ear. “Just stop thinking about it tonight. We’ll worry about it later, when I take you back home.” He had no idea how those honest yet simple words reassured Makoto’s tormented soul.

Makoto had just recently learned about the time Haruka reached rock bottom, when he hit a wall and almost made the most awful mistake, yet Haruka was still here, and he was there for him. Giving a nod in response, Makoto hugged him back with all his strength and focused on Haruka’s heart beating against his. So strong, so warm.

_ Alive. _

“You’ll be alright, Makoto,” Haruka whispered, and Makoto closed his eyes tightly before nodding again.

After a long minute, Makoto found his voice and replied. “Thank you, Haru. Please sleep by my side tonight.”

 

*

The echoes of students getting ready to leave school for the day filled the halls of the Shōhei Elementary School. Hikari closed his notebook and glanced up curiously at the clock at the front of the class. No homework was listed for the weekend. Hikari smiled to himself. Good! That meant he would have his entire weekend to help Haruka with their small project before his father was released from the hospital.

The bell announcing the end of the school day came shortly after. The children hurriedly packed their books and pens, dashing out of the classroom as if the building was in fire. Hikari took his time, glancing back and forth to the window next to his desk, waiting for a familiar Mitsubishi to come into view.

“Tachibana!” He heard one of his classmate calling him. Turning around, he noticed the classmate standing next to his desk with a big grin on his face. “My parents are having a little get together this weekend, you should come over!”

“I can’t,” Hikari apologetically replied, slipping his backpack over his shoulder while he stood up. “I already promised I was going to help Haru over the weekend. Maybe next time?”

“Haru?” The other boy raised one eyebrow at him. “Who’s Haru?”

“Oh, Haru is my dad’s — ” Hikari paused, unable to give a proper answer because it was just then that he realized he didn’t know.

Friend? No, it was clear to the boy that Haruka was more than his father’s friend. Hikari might be young, but he was smart enough to know that friends don’t kiss or look at each other the way his father and Haruka did. Hikari knew that his father loved Haruka just as much as Haruka loved him but, when he asked if Haruka was going to be his new mother, his father never gave him a proper answer. How was he supposed to know how to call Haruka, then?

Hikari’s mouth pursed into a half-pout and his gaze fell to the floor. “I don’t know.” he replied, earning an even more confused look from his classmate.

“How can you not know?!” he exclaimed.

Hikari tensed up and felt his cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Haru’s special to my dad but I-I don’t know what to call him yet.” He began playing with his hands in nervousness, trying to force himself to find a better answer, but he could no longer concentrate.

“You’re weird, Tachibana,” The other boy laughed, grabbing his backpack from the floor and quickly bidding Hikari goodbye before running out of the door where other kids waited for him.

Left alone in the empty classroom, Hikari's eyes widened with surprise, and he instantly felt rejection flood through his body. A chill came over him and the boy hugging himself. Hikari had never been called ‘weird’ before, and it was something that stung deeply in his chest.

Fighting his tears back, Hikari repeated to himself that he wasn’t weird at all. How unfair! Being labeled as ‘weird’ for not giving the right answer. But maybe his classmate was right. Maybe it was a little weird that he didn’t know a proper way to refer to Haruka when talking with friends. Maybe he should be asking more questions and not just smiling and waiting for the answer to magically appear before him.

When he glanced back to the window, he noticed Haruka’s car crossing through the front gate and parking right by the school’s entrance. The boy took a deep breath and readjusted his backpack over his shoulder before dashing out the classroom. Hikari promised himself to be brave; to get the answer he deserved from either his father or Haruka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday, everyone!! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone leaving lovely comments, we really appreciate them C: And, as always, thanks for reading!
> 
> Hit us up on Tumblr :D <3
> 
> Ohmynanase.tumblr.com  
> Utsukushin.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	13. This was the only way

With his blue Mitsubishi parked across from the apartment building, Haruka glanced out of the window. His mind took a turn and a sigh escaped his lips.    
  
Hikari was playing with his hands, tracing the lines in his palm with his fingertips while remaining lost in his own world. The boy didn’t notice when the engine was turned off, or the loud ticking as it began cooling. There was no more space in his mind for thoughts, his whole attention was fully focused on finding the right name to call Haruka in front of others. For the last twenty minutes, Hikari remained awfully quiet, trying to find his voice and the right words to ask this question to Haruka, but his sad eyes couldn’t hide the disappointment he felt for not finding the courage to do so.

Even though Hikari and Haruka were not blood related, they were very similar in a particular way: once they get lost in thoughts, they ignore their surroundings completely and could remain in their trance for hours. No sounds would reach them, and no words would leave their sealed lips.

It wasn’t until Haruka took a deep breath that he finally manage to pull his eyes away from the third floor of those modern-looking apartment complexes. “So, this is the place, right?”

Those big green eyes looked back at him, but Hikari didn't move at all. “Huh?”

“Your Aunt Ran,” Haruka continued, licking his lower lip before repeating his question. “This is where she lives, am I right?”

“Oh.” The boy turned and looked through the window before calmly nodding in response. “Yes, this is where she lives.”

“Good.”  _ Not really. _ His eyes couldn't lie. Haruka was very nervous, even more than he had been when he met with Makoto’s parents a while ago. Maybe because Makoto’s siblings had always been like his own and he had missed so many years of their life that he couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty.  “What about Ren?”

“He still lives in Iwatobi with my grandparents.”

“Oh.”

The boy remained quiet, eyes focused solely on Haruka. “You don’t seem happy to be here,” Hikari said with no shame, just stating the truth reflected on Haruka’s stiff shoulders. “I thought you liked Auntie Ran.”

“I do, I really like her. It’s just been a while,” Haruka said, quick to correct the boy. Slowly, he looked down at himself and realized he was such a mess. “But I don’t really know if she’s going to be happy to see me.”

“Oh, she will,” Hikari assured, flashing a wide toothy smile, “She has been wanting to see you for a long time now.”

Haruka looked back at Hikari, and the boy was happy to notice the excitement contained in those ocean eyes of his. “Really?”

“Uh-huh,” Hikari nodded, “But she’s too shy to even get out of her car when she drops me at the Swim Club for my lessons.”

That piece of knowledge was enough to drift Haruka’s eyes back to the window where he appreciated the white curtains of the apartment on the third floor dancing gently as the wind blew. It surprised him to think that a girl like Ran would ever be shy about meeting with him, but maybe he had been apart from her for too long know the little ways she had changed. In the end, he supposed, it didn’t really matter. As he took another deep breathe, Haruka found the courage to unbuckle his belt and open his door. “Alright, let’s go.”

“Yes!”

*

 

There was a soft knock at the door when Ran looked up from her book. A quick smile crossed her pink lips before she stood up and dashed to the entry. It was a bad habit of hers, but Ran never bothered to look through the peep-hole. After a year of living through the same afternoon routine, she already knew who should be standing on the other side of the door right after one in the afternoon.

Opening the door, her smile disappeared when she met with a pair of blue eyes she hadn’t seen in awhile. Mute, no words could find their way out of her mouth as she recognized the man standing right in front of her. A boy she grew up very attached to and had always thought of as part of the Tachibana family. Her brother’s best friend, the one that suddenly disappeared without a trace until Hikari mentioned his name earlier that year.

“Haruka…?” She whispered, all her doubts vanishing when the corners of his lips rose in response.

“It’s been a while.” Haruka's voice remained calm, quiet and soft, and he looked real, just like Ran remembered him. Hikari held Haruka’s hand, watching how both adults interacted with the same curiosity that characterized his innocence. “Good to see you, Ran.”

“A-ah, yes. Good to see you, too,” she stuttered, pale skin of her cheeks lighting up with a soft, rosy blush. It felt strange, just standing in front of Haruka and not wrap her arms around him in a tight hug, but it had been so many years since the last time they saw each other and it seemed that there was now an invisible line between the two that she couldn’t find the courage to cross. At least, not yet. “But I am confused. Where’s my brother?”

Hikari immediately looked back at Haruka, his green eyes unable to lie. Haruka could see the boy’s nervous look, but refused to acknowledge it, instead placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder and answering for him. “Makoto asked me to drop Hikari off on my way to work,” he began, “I guess he forgot to let you know.”

The little boy let out the breath he had been holding, and felt glad that Haruka had chosen not to give a lie as an answer. After years of being taught that lying was a bad thing, there was no way that Hikari would have been able to meet his aunt’s eyes again without feeling guilty. He knew that his father had requested not to let Aunt Ran know about his whereabouts, but Hikari was glad that Haruka decided to dodge answering Ran’s question with a real statement. It made Hikari feel like Haruka was technically not lying.

Soon, the blush on Ran’s cheeks was forgotten and Haruka found a familiar look on her face, one he had certainly seen many times before. The girl frowned and her cheeks puffed up with annoyance. “Gosh, sometimes it feels like big brother forgets he has siblings,” she complained, crossing her arms across her chest and looking away. “And I moved to Tokyo just to be close to him.”

It was refreshing to meet this side of her, the familiarity of it almost enough to make Haruka smile. It made him feel as if he was eighteen and Ran was ten again, as if he hadn’t missed anything and things were just like they used to be when life was simple and easy.

“Ran and Ren are far too important to Makoto, there’s no way he would ever forget the two of you,” Haruka said gently, and Ran’s heart melted when she spotted a warmth in his eyes she’d almost forgotten. “Makoto is just too busy trying to be a good father and a good example for you two to realize that he needs to spend less time worrying about it and more time around the ones he loves.”

Ran bit her lower lip and nodded, her eyes unable to meet Haruka’s for any longer. Haruka squatted down to Hikari's eye level and smiled at the boy. “It’s time for me to go. Be good, alright?” Hikari nodded and Haruka brushed Hikari’s hair off his face softly, pressing a gentle kiss on the boy’s forehead before standing back up, waving his goodbye to Ran and turned on his heels ready to leave.

Before Haruka could even walk away, he felt Ran’s  arms wrapping tightly around his waist in a hug he wasn’t expecting to receive. His brain labored to understand what was happening, to comprehend why Ran was showing him this type of affection after all the years of her life he missed.

A flash of memories came barreling into his mind. Memories of his younger days. Day full of happiness, when a little girl would run and jump on his back, squealing with laughter and begging to be carried. The twins’ voices and their loud noises were sounds that Haruka had always associated with home; a tastes of his childhood and the warmth that he'd missed.

His heart began to wonder other things as well, beating frantically in his chest as he tried to speak, but Ran’s voice broke the silence between the two before his thoughts could go any further away.

“Please come by more often, Haru…” she whispered, and Haruka felt like he was finally able to breathe again. “Ren and I have missed you so much.”

Those words created a feeling that warmed Haruka's chest, and in a rush he realized what it was. It was the reassurance of being wanted. 

From the heat that lingered on his chest, to the feeling of joy that ran through his veins and the warmth that now flooded his heart; Haruka realized how he had been needing to hear those words all along.   
  
Slowly, Haruka turned around and returned the hug. He closed his eyes tightly and nodded in response because he didn’t trust his voice anymore. Haruka wondered how he had been able to live apart the people he loved for so long.

 

*

The white walls glimmered brightly as the sun found its way through the thin curtains. It was still quite early in the morning when Makoto found himself standing by the window, watching the world outside from his monochrome room. The sight of the trees dancing in the breeze, the people walking down the sidewalks wearing clothings full of vivid colors, everything seemed brighter in a world with no stresses and full of life.

Makoto woke up a little after eight in the morning, and was now wearing casual clothes instead of his slacks and button shirts. With no stress on his shoulders, just the realization that life will only treat him as unfairly as he lets it, Makoto couldn’t keep himself from wondering just how many beautiful mornings like this he had missed in the last ten years. It felt like all these years he had been living under a thunderstorm, realizing that the sun had always been there, so close yet far from his reach.

The door opened slowly and Makoto knew he was no longer by himself. Looking over his shoulder, he met with Haruka’s blue eyes and greeted him with a soft smile. “Are we done?” he asked, and Haruka nodded.

“Everything’s ready.” With soft steps, his lover crossed the hospital room and pressed his hand against Makoto’s forehead. “How are you feeling now?”

There was no warning, just the touch of a warm hand and a shiver running down Makoto’s spine. The whole act caught Makoto completely off guard, forcing out a nervous laughter from his lips while unconsciously backing away from Haruka’s touch. “I am alright, ready to leave this place.”

But, with the stubbornness of a child, Haruka refused to drift off. Walking forward the steps that Makoto took backwards, Haruka’s hand found its way back to Makoto’s forehead. “Hold still,” he insisted. “Your face is too warm.”

“That’s because you're embarrassing me, Haru!” A hint of frustration escaped Makoto before he reached Haruka’s hand and pulled it away from his forehead. His cheeks were boiling and his eyes could no longer meet his lovers’. Another step backwards and Makoto ended up with his back against the closed window.

Haruka stared silently, taking everything in before looking away. “I’m sorry,” he said, turning away and to the white bed where Makoto’s open suitcase awaited. Haruka began working on the case’s zipper, just to keep his mind and hands busy. “Just get your shoes on, then. We’re leaving.”

Makoto’s lips moved without words, and unable to fight Haruka’s sudden care away, he ended up doing as he was told. Makoto couldn’t remember the last time that someone had treated him like a child, as Haruka had been doing ever since Makoto fainted. His mother would occasionally call his phone, asking if he was eating properly or sleeping well, but not even Mrs. Tachibana would be after Makoto the way Haruka had lately.

He had been trying to be patient, knowing that Haruka was still worried because of the incident from earlier that week. He knew he had gotten so unused to having someone that cared, someone that wasn’t his son and that he could completely rely on.

With his shoes back on, Makoto walked quietly towards his lover and surprised him with a hug from behind. “I told you, I am alright. Stop worrying,” Makoto whispered, pressing a kiss on Haruka’s cheek, light as a feather. “Take me home, Haru.”

Haruka shivered softly at Makoto’s breath against his ear, causing the small hairs on the nape of his neck to rise. His frozen fingers remained still on the suitcase’s zipper as he noticed the smile on Makoto’s lips out of the corner of his eye. Haruka couldn’t tell if Makoto had done this on purpose or not, trying to embarrass him in return for his previous behavior, but now that his cheeks were bright red, Haruka could only find himself nodding in response.  

*

 

Once in the car, Makoto caught himself looking through the window again. He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice they had been stuck in traffic for a while now. Not even the days he had spent on that hospital bed had been enough to calm the uneasiness he felt knowing that he had no job to go back to. 

Secured inside his wallet, Makoto’s last paycheck remained waiting to be cashed out. Makoto’s eyebrows were constantly furrowed, and he wondered how Hikari and him were going to survive the month with no secure income hitting his bank account next payday.

He was not looking forward to checking the mailbox once they got home, knowing that plenty of bills would be awaiting him that morning and even ruin the rest of his night. Makoto’s only reassurance was that he wasn’t entirely alone this time. He knew that no matter what, he had Haruka by his side and maybe hell wouldn’t be as horrible as it had always been because he wasn’t alone.

But  _ love  _ wouldn’t pay his rent. Life wouldn’t stop moving and wait until he was back on his feet. Bills will keep piling up and haunt him until the very end.

Annoyed by the stress building up within him, Makoto snapped out of his train of thoughts and turned back to Haruka with a forced smile. “Hey, do you mind if I turn on the radio? It’s awfully quiet in here.”

“Go for it,” Haruka responded nonchalantly, eyes on the road and fighting a yawn.

Without hesitation, Makoto reached over and turned the radio on. Music had always been his safe place, a great escape from reality and the cheapest medicine to calm his nerves down. He began browsing through the stations but stopped once a familiar song started playing and his smile went wide. The guitar-heavy music blasted through the speakers, so unexpected and loud that caused Haruka’s blue eyes to open wide in response and stare at his lover.

“Oh, great!” Makoto exclaimed happily while flickering the volume dial up. “I never get to listen to hardcore metal around Hikari anymore, he hates it!”

Makoto caught up with the song and began singing loudly, screaming, knowing the lyrics by heart; his husky deep voice reaching low notes that Haruka had never heard before.

Haruka was speechless, barely registering how the windows started vibrating at the sound of the loud music. He had never seen this side of Makoto before, so lost in a song full of noise and speed, dancing on his seat like if he was a different person. Since when had Makoto gotten into hardcore music?

Haruka’s mind didn't realize that he had been staring at Makoto for the past minute almost in shock at Makoto’s unusual taste for music until the car behind them started honking angrily. He snapped out of it and apologized under his breath before moving with the flow of traffic.

Perhaps, Haruka still didn’t know Makoto as much as he thought.

*

 

“Why are we here, Haru?” Standing in the middle of the apartment complex parking lot, Makoto stood next to Haruka’s car with his suitcase in hand and genuine confusion running across his features. “I thought you were going to take me home.”

Haruka, who stopped a few steps away from Makoto, looked over his shoulder before answering back. “I am taking you home,” He responded, in the same way he had done before when Makoto noticed that Haruka had taken the wrong exit off the highway.

Makoto bit his lower lip in thought, not quite convinced, yet feeling that there was something slightly odd about this whole situation. Haruka didn’t miss a second, resuming his walking and reaching the stairs. “Are you coming, or not?” His voice echoed through the parking lot.

“A-ah, wait!” Makoto stumbled back a little, pushing his confusion aside and following his lover’s steps to the second floor. His mind kept racing with thoughts, creating his own theories regarding their unusual stop at Haruka’s apartment, wondering if maybe Haruka wanted to pick something up from his place before taking Makoto to his own apartment.

As he reached the third floor, Makoto’s anxiety began to rise. His love for Haruka was strong and passionate, but right then Makoto wished Haruka would stop acting upon his own plans and be more considerate to others. If Haruka could only understand Makoto’s frustration, how trapped he had felt the past three days on that hospital bed and how this unnecessary stop was wasting his time.

There was no other thing inside Makoto’s head, he just wanted to go home, open his laptop and start figuring out what the hell to do with his life. He needed a job, ANY job, and he needed it now.

When he finally reached the top of the stairs and waddled his way to Haruka, Makoto’s eyes fell on the wooden door in front of them. “Did you forget something at home?” Even from the outside, it was easy to tell the difference from Haruka’s apartment and his. The location of the complex was nice, and even Haruka’s neighbors seemed way more friendly than his own. His eyes became sad, his whole expression conveying worry. Makoto knew that maybe he would never be able to afford a better home for his son.

Haruka looked silently at him, reading the bitterness inside those green eyes he knew so well. After taking a deep breath, he took a key out from his pocket and glanced over again. “Makoto.” Carefully, he placed the key in Makoto’s warm hand. “You’re going to need this.”

“Huh?” Makoto blinked, staring at the key curiously. “What do you mean?”

“Unlock the door.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Just unlock the door.”

After straightening his shoulders, Makoto let a low sigh out and followed Haruka’s request without hesitation. There was nothing unusual in Haruka’s bossy attitude, but Makoto wasn’t exactly in the best mood for this mysterious aura surrounding his lover.

When the key turned, they both heard a soft click before the door opened. Momentarily, Makoto looked back at Haruka to before pulling the door open only to be greeted by familiar furniture decorating the main area. He remained still, confusion marked out by the thin frown-line between his brows.  

“What?” Makoto walked in, analyzing the old flower vase decorating the top of a table he knew very well.  His attention drifted to the other side of the room, where he spotted his old red chair carefully positioned at the opposite corner from Haruka’s black couch. “That’s — ”

Before finishing his sentence, his feet took him toward a picture frame hanging on the wall from across the room. His fingertips traced the photograph, recognizing his very first picture with Hikari behind the clear glass. “This is mine,” he whispered loud enough for Haruka to hear.

With just a quick glance, Makoto spotted more of his belongings neatly placed around the living room, blending with Haruka’s furniture as if they belonged together. He turned on his heels and faced Haruka, who was standing just a few steps away, silently looking back at him. “Why are all my things here instead of being in my house.”   
  
Haruka remained quiet.   
  
“Haru,” Makoto said again, and Haruka took a big breath in before looking away.   
  
“You and Hikari are moving in with me.” It wasn’t a question, it was just an affirmation of something that Haruka had decided on his own. Makoto found himself unable to keep from protesting.

“When was that decided? I don’t remember having this conversation with you.” His words came out more harshly than he'd intended, instantly regretting it once Haruka’s eyes squinted slightly and his shoulders tensed. “Why would you do something like this without consulting me first?”

“This was the only way,” Haruka responded carefully before facing his lover once more. “You wouldn't have agreed if you'd known.”

“Of course not,” Makoto replied, yet corrected himself straightaway. “I-I mean, I wouldn't want to intrude.”

“You wouldn't intrude at all.” Haruka broke the distance between them and held Makoto’s hands with his. He tried to keep the tightness out of his voice, to keep his voice soft and sincere, but it trembled. Their eyes met and melted together, speaking the silent language that only the two of them knew. “Makoto, I want to take care of you and Hikari.”

Makoto saw everything inside those ocean eyes: hope, honesty, affection and… yes, an undeniable love and adoration that reminded him that he was no longer alone.

“I want to help. Please, let me help.” Haru spoke much more quietly, trying to fight the heat from his cheeks and his strong desire to look away. “I don't want to watch your world falling apart again. I know it’s selfish, but I can't take another second of this.”

Makoto felt his heart choke and constrict, and no words found their way out of his mouth. Biting his lip, he could only stare at Haruka, trying to restrain the tears burning at the back of his eyes.

“I want you to take a month off, to enjoy life like you’re supposed to. I want you to spend more time with your son, he needs his father just as much as you need him.” Haruka spoke fervently, hands unconsciously squeezing Makoto's tighter. “If we work together, Hikari can have a better life.”

“H-Haru, I can’t — ”

“In the mean time, let me pay your bills, support you and Hikari. I can give you the peace of mind you deserve.”

“B-but what about —? ”

“I am renting my grandmother’s house at Iwatobi, plus my current job pays well. We’re going to be fine, trust me. Besides…” Haruka took a breath after letting out the rush of words. It was the most Makoto had heard him say in a while, and with so much determination at that. Haruka paused to collect himself, swallowing hard before opening his mouth again.  “I need Makoto with me.”  
  
That was what Makoto needed to hear. Haruka was what he had always needed. Those words were putting him together, piece by piece, until he began feeling whole again.

_ And that meant everything. _

Living with Haruka would be the closest Makoto had ever been with him ever since that night Haruka confessed and ran away all those years ago. Slowly, Makoto felt like he could finally breathe again, letting go the lingering fear that Haruka will leave him again.

He moved closer to the other, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his soft raven hair. The tears started to fall, more than before, more than ever before.

_ He felt loved. He was no longer alone. _

This was, indeed, the first peace he received since Haruka first walked away.

“Haru.” He sobbed. “T-thank you! Thank you very much…!”

“It’s alright.” Haruka brought his arms around Makoto’s, returning the embrace. Closing his eyes for the briefest second, Haruka flashed a calm smile knowing that this was the beginning of something beautiful to be shared by the two. “It’s all going to be alright now. I promise, Makoto.”

“I love you, so much.” Makoto whispered against Haruka’s ear.

Haruka turned his head a little to look back at Makoto and Makoto pulled his head away slightly so Haruka could see in his eyes how real those words were, like a mirror to his soul.

“I-I do too.” Haruka spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully while his cheeks were on fire.  “And I will always love you.”

Their lips met. They kissed gently, very, very slowly, as if it was sealing a precious promise. It was almost as if they were born to be together. They were soulmates, maybe they always have been, and Makoto and Haruka shared the most pure love a human can have.

_ So lucky.  _ They both felt so lucky.

Haruka breathed out when their lips parted from that sweet kiss, Makoto looked down at him and smiled. Haruka cleaned Makoto’s tears with his thumbs, smiling back at him before hugging him once more. He could feel Makoto’s heart beating fast against his chest, just as his own was.

Surprisingly, this decision felt right. Living together felt like the most natural step to be taken in their relationship, like something that was meant to happen sooner than later. They have known each other for the longest time, and somehow both knew that living together was going to be the best decision they could have made.

After what seemed a long time, Haruka decided it was time to break their silence and ruin the moment. 

“By the way, I pick the right side of the bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really special to us. Many important things happened in it. First, Haruka was able to fix things with Ran, someone that had always been like a little sister to him (Ren is pending, but because he solved things with one twin, it will make things with the other twin easier.), in a way, Haruka fixed part of his own past and received the peace his heart needed. Second of all, it shows how finally Makoto finally gives in and decides to trust Haruka completely for the first time, not afraid of being left alone anymore... I think that, personally, it's until right here that Makoto forgave Haruka completely. This is how they start their life together, trying their best to be happy, to be together, to fight against any life situation together... That's love. REAL love.
> 
> Let's see how their life together is like on the next chapter :D
> 
> Again, thanks for reading and your loving comments!! It is what motivate us to keep writing!!! <3
> 
> Hit us up on Tumblr :D <3
> 
> Ohmynanase.tumblr.com  
> Utsukushin.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	14. Papa

The sun was shining brightly when the school bell rang and the kids were finally allowed to leave for the day. Students rushed out their classrooms, bumping into one another as they left the building and reached their freedom. Among them was Hikari, walking out of the school grounds while holding his backpack straps tightly with his hands.

Hikari had been pensive for the last week or so, distracted and distant, lost in his own world. New changes and unexpected turns were happening, and the boy was still trying to comprehend the new route his life had taken. Living in a house of three, in an apartment where he even had his own bathroom, wasn’t something anyone would get used to right away, especially if this new life included another parental figure looking after him.

What was Haruka’s role in Hikari’s life? The unanswered question wouldn’t leave the boy’s mind for even half a second, continuing to overwhelm his thoughts and leave him confused.  
  
While walking down the street with his eyes glued to the ground, Hikari failed to notice the curious glances he was getting from other kids he passed. He missed how his classmates started whispering, how some shifted their eyes from him to a car parked on the other side of the street. These details escaped Hikari, allowing him to be entirely engrossed in the pair of green eyes that fell on him.

“Hikari,” a soft voice called out, causing the boy to stop. Looking up, he saw two familiar faces he was not expecting to find together at once. But Hikari found himself smiling, and a warm feeling began spreading through his heart and into his soul.

From across the street, Makoto waved his hand in the air at his son while Haruka stood next to him. Hikari’s thoughts were all over the place, they were on his father’s wide smile and relaxed shoulders, on Haruka’s warm eyes and his lips who hesitated to let themselves curve upward, but mainly on their hands entwined together in a public display of affection.

“Dad, Haru,” the boy said, trying to comprehend it all. He was beginning to understand that this was a new stage in their lives - this other side of his father’s happiness he was barely familiar with, and whatever there was between the two adults that he couldn't name.

Hikari crossed the street carefully until he reached the other side of the road and greeted his father in a warm hug. “What are you two doing here? I thought we would meet up with Haru later?” the boy asked as their hug came to an end and Haruka took a step forward, placing his hand on Hikari’s shoulder and smiling openly at him.  
  
“We both thought it would be nice to take you out for lunch today,” Makoto confessed, his gentle voice never changing. It was always soft and sweet, making Hikari feel truly loved. “And, who knows, maybe we could also go get some ice cream after that!”

Hikari’s big green eyes traveled from his father to Haruka and then back to his father. Although his heart felt warm, Hikari felt like he couldn’t allow himself to feel happy when his mind and thoughts were still unclear.

“What do you think?” It was Haruka’s turn to break the ice, caressing Hikari’s cheek as he spoke. Both adults were smiling at him, making him feel like his life was normal for the very first time, and suddenly it all felt like too much.

“I…” the boy stuttered, dropping his gaze to the floor before feeling his cheeks lighting up. “I-I… need to ask you two a question. It’s really important.”

Makoto and Haruka exchanged worried looks with each other, before settling their eyes back on Hikari. Carefully, Makoto followed hesitantly. “Of course, son,” he began. “You can ask us whatever you want.”

*

The park was deserted despite being early in the afternoon, something that neither of them minded at all. The swings were free from children's grasps, the wind was blowing steadily through the trees, and the playground was almost completely silent.  

Hikari sat on a bench near a fountain, staring at the ice cream cone he held in hands while the afternoon breeze brushed gently against his cheeks. Makoto and Haruka were sitting on each side of Hikari, looking down at the boy and unable to hide the worry from their eyes. Haruka and Makoto spoke to each other without the use of words before Makoto let a sigh escape his lips.

Slowly, he placed his hand on Hikari’s knee and broke the silence between them with his soft voice. “Hikari,” he began. “You mentioned you had a question for us, right?”

The boy looked up at his father, staying quiet for a second before nodding in response. Hikari’s eyes found their way back to his lap while he unconsciously began biting his lower lip.

“You know you can ask us anything,” Haruka added. “Anything you want to talk about, it's always okay."

“I-I know that,” Hikari said after finding his own voice again. “But I just...”

_Silence._

“We are worried, Hikari,” Makoto admitted softly. “Haru and I just want to help.”

Just like a _mother and father, like a family that worries about you_. Hikari thought. He sighed and turned away after nodding, but before the silence grew awkward, he spoke again. "Do you two love each other?"

Makoto chuckled and Haruka smiled. “Yes, of course we do.”

“Well yeah, but...do you love each other like Prince Eric and Ariel do?"

The question took both adults off guard, but neither responded. Instead, they stared at each other long enough that they began to blush. Haruka swallowed the lump in his throat and found himself unable to stare at his lover for any longer, looking away. Makoto’s eyebrows trembled together, he tried to speak but his son was the one who decided to break their silence once more.

“It’s just that friends don’t sleep in the same bed,” the boy rationalized, speaking out loud. “Friends don’t kiss or hold hands like you two do. That’s why… I’m very confused.”

“Well, um…” Makoto hesitated, but his words died in his throat, caught in a flash of shock and confusion. Their minds had been too preoccupied with other things to notice that they hadn't put a name to their relationship yet. Having a name for it would strengthen their bond that much more. “We are…”

Makoto’s eyes traveled slowly back to Haruka's frame, meeting with a pair of ocean eyes that couldn’t leave the floor. Makoto could tell, just by looking at him, that Haruka’s mind was elsewhere, entirely overwhelmed.

He felt awful, careless. They had been ‘together’ for almost a month and the progress of their relationship had always felt so natural that Makoto never realized that they were no longer just best friends.

Makoto never failed to be amazed at how beautiful Haruka was, how much he adored him. He truly loved Haruka. This feeling in his chest, a silent buzzing through his entire being, it all came to life every time his eyes fall on Haruka.

Lovers? No, they were something more meaningful than lovers. They were…

“Soulmates.” His lips whispered the word, barely moving. Both Hikari and Haruka turned their attention back to the tallest male. Makoto felt his neck getting hotter as he realized what had just escaped his lips. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck, almost embarrassed. “I mean… Um…”

Breathing in, Makoto collected the courage to meet with Haruka’s gaze. “Haru and I are together. We’re truly in love and we’re a couple.” He found himself smiling. “Right, Haru?”

Haruka's eyes lit up with new hope, surprised, before his expression melted into  amusement. Having the reassurance of Makoto’s words and the softness of his voice, brought light back into his life after what felt like centuries in the darkness. Makoto was Haruka’s world, his everything. He had been so for many years now. What was Haruka supposed to do with all this light?

“Yes,” he claimed with a small smile forming on his lips. This was all Haruka ever wanted from life. “That’s right, Hikari. Your dad and I are together, just like Prince Eric and Ariel.”

Hikari nodded, taking a second to analyze the information just received and missing the affectionate looks Makoto and Haruka gave each other. “So…” the boy continued, eyes back on Haruka. “Does that make you my _mom_?”

“H-H-Hikari!” Makoto exclaimed. _Oh, not that question again!_ The first time Hikari had asked that Makoto nearly crashed his car into a tree, and now he couldn’t help but feel completely embarrassed.

“Almost,” Haruka deadpanned.

“H-HARU!”

“Almost?” The boy bit his lower lip in confusion. “I don’t get it.”

“Your dad and I would have to get married first,” Haruka crossed his arms on his chest and nodded wisely. Hikari looked at him with amazement. “But… you can still call me _Mom_ if you want.”

Makoto covered his face with his arms utterly embarrassed.

“Really?!” Hikari beamed up at Haruka now with honest adoration in his innocent eyes, nearly dropping his ice cream cone in the process.

Shyly, Haruka turned his head to the side and nodded. He could see by the corner of his eye how the boy couldn’t stop smiling. “...Maybe _Papa_ would sound better.”

Hikari’s smile went wider than it already was. “Yes, Papa Haru!”  Yet those words had an effect on Haruka, a mixture of relief, undeniable happiness, and pure affection. His world became clear again and he finally knew how it felt to have a family.

Makoto sighed internally, fond but exasperated. These two would be the death of him for sure, there would be no end to the craziness. Haruka and Hikari seemed to feed off each other. But honestly, he wouldn't have it any other way. He loved them, and he needed them. Crazy antics and all.

*

Makoto was standing by the window, looking down at a new side of Tokyo he was not used to, wearing his pajamas and drying his hair with a towel. For almost seven years Hikari and Makoto had lived in rough neighborhoods, in places where the city never slept and there was no such thing as silence. He learned to appreciate the sound of a quiet night, and the welcomed peace he felt ever since he started sharing an apartment with Haruka, his partner.

He stopped drying his hair, leaning his forehead against the cold window, touching his reflexion on the glass with his warm fingertips. The strands of wet curls now hung loosely over his neck.

_Partner._

Makoto licked and bit his lower lip, trying to control a smile. It had been a while since the last time Makoto had relationship. In fact, his relationship with Haruka had been the longest he'd had in his whole life. Before Haruka, there had only been one girl that left him after three weeks of a one-sided relationship.

But those three weeks had been enough to make him a father and bless him with a son.

Slowly, his smile disappeared into thin air and his shoulders sank. Some nights he wondered how Hikari’s biological mother was doing, if she ever thought about him too or if she even acknowledged the fact that she had a son with him.

His eyes fell to the ground, forehead still against the window, breath fogging the reflective glass. How could she possibly live a life away from Hikari? She rejected Hikari before he was born, not even giving him the opportunity to show her how wonderful and kind he was.

Hikari had always been a good boy, a kid that wouldn’t ask too many questions regarding his past and real mother. Knowing when to ask or when to stop, he was able to read his father’s silences and be aware of how delicate the subject was and always will be. There was no point in worrying about a past that will never change, at least that was Makoto’s attitude.

“How long are you going to stand there?  It’s getting late.” 

Makoto almost flinched as Haruka’s voice broke the silence. Slowly he turned around and found his partner standing by the other side of the living room. He felt his lips quirk upward, trying to hide the uneasiness those unwelcomed memories awoke within him. “Oh, sorry. I was just...” he began, forcing a chuckle out. “I got distracted.”

There was something wrong with Makoto’s forced smile, Haruka could tell just by looking at him, but he remained quiet, reading Makoto’s eyes with his own and finding a different shade of green he had never seen before. Haruka became worried right away.

Just before he could ask any questions, or even urge his legs to take a step forward, the sound of footsteps coming towards the living room caught their attention. Hikari came around the corner, dressed in his light blue pajamas and arms wrapped around one of his favorite stuffed animals. With flushed cheeks and sad eyes, the boy bit his lower lip and stared at the floor.

Oh, it was already _that_ time of the night. 

“Hikari? It’s almost eleven. What are you doing up still?” Makoto found himself speaking first, but both adults had already an idea behind Hikari’s sudden arrival hours past his bedtime.

“I-I…” The boy struggled to speak up, hugging his stuffed animal tighter against his chest. “I can’t sleep.”

 _Again._ Haruka’s eyes went soft. “Is your new night-light not bright enough?”

Hikari shook his head slightly, ashamed of his own fears. “I’m… sorry.”

Both adults remained quiet for a brief second, a moment that Haruka took to bring his own eyes back to Makoto’s tired ones. It wasn’t until Makoto and Hikari moved into this apartment that Haruka learned of the boy’s fear of the dark. Haruka was not sure what exactly Hikari was afraid of when the lights were out, but he knew that the boy’s fear was real and had been going on for a while now.

Haruka could tell by the dark circles under Makoto’s eyes and the worn out look on his face that he trying hard to be patient, to be there for his son when he needed his father, but there wasn’t much he could do. Makoto had tried everything and Hikari’s fear had only gotten worse with every month that passed.

“Makoto,” Haruka began, and father and son looked back at him. “Go to bed, I’ll take care of Hikari tonight.”

Makoto gasped softly and Hikari’s cheeks got even brighter. “O-oh, no. It’s fine,” the brunette began, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand in embarrassment, “You’ve been working all day. I bet you’re tired already.”

Haruka slowly walked over to Hikari and placed his gentle hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I might, but I am Hikari’s new papa, aren’t I?” 

Hikari’s eyes went wide in surprise, shining bright in hope and admiration. “Papa…”

“Where do you keep your crayons?” Haruka asked before flashing a small smile at Hikari. “Let’s draw together.”

*

Hikari stared at Haruka’s sketchbook more than to his own coloring book. A sharp pencil scratching on paper, Haruka’s hand moving skilfully across the blank page. The boy couldn’t tear his eyes away from his _papa_ ’s impressive sketch. The word ‘fascination’ fell short somehow, it couldn’t describe the strong admiration Hikari felt towards Haruka as he watched him draw.

Just as Haruka started connecting the graphite strokes, Hikari’s curiosity rose with his eyebrows. “Who’s that?” he asked, finally noticing that it was a bird with his head in a rock that Haruka had been drawing.

“Iwatobi-chan.” Haruka responded without hesitation, earnestly.

“Iwato...bi-chan?” Hikari pushed his coloring book aside and crawled across the bed to take a better look at the drawing. Sitting next to Haruka, he rested his chin on his Papa’s arm while the other continued drawing. “Why he wearing a helmet?”

“It’s not a helmet. It’s a rock, and…” Haruka paused, taking a second to himself as a new idea formed in his head. “...and he wears it because he is afraid of the light.”

When Hikari looked up at him, Haruka knew that he had gotten the boy’s full attention. “Afraid of the light?” The boy asked. “Why is Iwatobi-chan afraid of the light?”

“Because Iwatobi-chan lives in a forest,” Haruka explained softly, “In the deepest part of the forest, where it's always dark and no light can pass through.”

Hikari watched Haruka in amazement, green eyes now shining brighter than before, listening to the story attentively without missing a single detail. His imagination began to unfold, creating images inside his head and playing them as a movie as they followed Haruka’s narrative.

“Light means danger for him,” the man continued, and the boy’s smile froze on his face.

“That’s… sad.” Hikari’s eyebrows trembled gently, compassion reflected on his face as he spoke. “Iwatobi-chan shouldn’t feel scared. I-I wish I could help.”

“How about we try sleeping with the light off tonight?” Haruka offered, laying a soothing hand on the boy's shoulder.

Speechless, Hikari’s eyes went wide for a second before his lips began trembling and he looked away. “I-I don’t know. I-it’s scary.,” he insisted, “I don’t think I could do it, Papa.”

“But your dad and I are just a room away, we aren’t too far in case things get too scary.” Haruka slowly inched his arm up and reached forward, using his thumb and index finger to gently lift Hikari's chin to face him. “And… Iwatobi-chan wouldn’t be afraid anymore.”

In silence they stood for ten long seconds. Big bright eyes were trying not to tremble, perhaps fighting back fears. Hikari tried to trust Haruka, to listen to reason and believe that his parents would not leave him alone in the dark if something bad happened. He fought the pout that he knew was forming and took a deep breath. “W-would that be enough to make Iwatobi-chan feel better?” he asked, slightly hesitant.

Haruka nodded. “Yes, that would be enough.” His sketchbook now forgotten on his lap, he continued speaking. “And Iwatobi-chan will protect you from the dark in return, keeping you safe until the sun rises and it’s time for him to go back to the deep forest.”

It was a big responsibility, at least that’s how it felt for Hikari, but it was a responsibility that brought back the smile to his lips and the light to his eyes. “Alright, I’ll do it.” Hikari found himself nodding eagerly, surprised by Haruka’s arms going around him in an unexpected hug.

Watching them from the doorway, Makoto smiled softly. It was finally then that he realized how sweet his life was. Feeling a burst of pride, Makoto told himself that this was his family. This family might be small, it might still be trying to figure things out, but it was a family nonetheless. A complete family.

HIS family. HIS reason to never give up.   
  
Life couldn’t get any better than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only ONE chapter left after this one! We have mixed feelings about it; we're excited but sad at the same time. It's time to bring genuine peace into Makoto, Haruka and Hikari's life, the peace they always deserved :D <3 We have an idea of what the last chapter will be about, but you never know how those characters will react or act in certain circumstances, if they have things to say that you haven't thought about yet or if there's something else that make this story keep going. 
> 
> That's the fun part of being a writer, if you ask me.
> 
> Thanks again for your support!! We will see you guys in the final chapter <3
> 
> Hit us up on Tumblr :D <3
> 
> Ohmynanase.tumblr.com  
> Utsukushin.tumblr.com
> 
> Love ya!


	15. All because of you

It was early in the morning, just before the first swimming class started, and the club was deserted. Haruka wasn’t normally in the Totsuka Swimming School until his afternoon classes, but a troubled co-worker had called him earlier that day requesting some extra help after her assistant had called sick, so here he was.

While Haruka walked down the hall with his hands full of old documents and flyers, his eyes fell on a half-opened office door where a loud discussion was taking place. His feet stopped and his eyebrows rose with partial confusion. Haruka had never been nosy, thinking that it was a real hassle to get himself involved in things that required an extra effort, but when a discussion was clearly happening on the other side of the door, it was hard not to overhear.   
  
Before Haruka could roll his eyes in annoyance, the thick wooden door burst open and one of his co-workers stomped out the office while cursing loudly. 

“Fuck this place! I quit!” The morning coach yelled, flipping his middle finger up towards the office as he walked away. “I never liked those kids, anyway! Let’s see how long you guys can survive without me!”

The furious man stomped past Haruka and a few other people on his way out of the building. For a few moments Haruka did not react, just stared quietly at the main door where the man had exited. The owner came out looking slightly pale and completely overwhelmed. He was a tall man with broad shoulders, dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.

“I cannot believe him, showing up drunk to his class.” Onodera, Haruka’s boss, said with a hand on his forehead and a troubled look crossing his features. Slowly, his eyes fell on Haruka and his expression shifted slightly. “Hey Nanase, are you interested in covering the morning class for some extra cash?”

“Hiring again?” Haruka asked in his calm, neutral tone of voice.

Onodera nodded and let a heavy sigh out. “I guess we are minus one couch for a while until I find someone to cover his class for good.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “So, what do you think? Are you in?”

Haruka looked at him for a few moments more, wheels turning in his head. Taking a deep breath in anticipation, he shook his head. “I’ll pass,” he dead-panned, but before the other man could say anything, Haruka continued. “I know someone perfect for this role that could start working for you this very day.”

 

*

 

To say that Makoto was confused when arrived at Totsuka Swimming School was an understatement. He was taken aback to say the least. With his resume in one hand and Hikari holding the other, Makoto walked into the lobby, eyebrows knitted together in mild uncertainty.

It didn’t take him long to spot Haruka walking quickly down the hallway to meet him. Relief washed over Makoto, who hurried over his beloved with a thousand questions waiting to be answered.

“Good, you made it on time,” Haruka was the first to speak, but his words did nothing to clear the confusion from Makoto’s face. “Did you bring your swimwear?”   
  
“What’s going on?” Makoto asked instead. “You didn’t say much over the phone. I’m lost.”

“One of the other coaches quitted today, and I got you a job interview.” Haruka explained, pausing for half a second before continuing. “Well, sort of.”

“Sort of?!” Makoto felt himself going pale and starting to panic. He wasn’t even dressed properly for a job interview!

It had been two months since Makoto started looking for a new job, sending his resume all over Tokyo with barely any response. The frustration had already caught up with him, resulting in a lack of motivation and fake smiles. While Haruka had been insisting that the right job would land in his lap eventually, just knowing that he had a shot at the Totsuka Swimming School made his legs feel weak.

_ A coach.  _ It was what he had always wanted to be.

And he…finally had a chance.

“Makoto Tachibana?” Onodera called from the other end of the hall, causing Makoto to nearly trip over his own feet before his eyes fell on the other. “Goro Sasabe spoke highly of you over the phone; you better not disappoint me.”

“Y-yes Sir,” Makoto answered, sweating, unable to comprehend the meaning behind the man’s words.

“Go get changed and meet me by the pool.” Uncrossing his arms, the man turned and walked back down the hall toward the furthest door. “The morning class is about to begin and the kids are already waiting for you.”

Makoto remained quiet, suddenly putting two and two together and feeling his heart skip a beat.  _ That was it. The class that was about to begin, it  _ was _ his job interview! _

“O-oh no!” Makoto took a step backwards and felt his throat constrict slightly as he swallowed. “H-he’s testing me! I can’t do this!”

“Silly Daddy,” Hikari spoke, looking up at his father with a grin on his face. “Of course you can! You always can!” Haruka placed his hand on Makoto’s cheek before the taller man could even respond, and made those green eyes look back at him.

“Hikari is right, Makoto. You got this.” His voice came out softly, a tone that managed to ease the tension from Makoto’s stiff shoulders. “Don’t you remember Hayato’s class? You’ve done this before. Makoto bit his lower lip in thought, trying hard to believe in his beloved’s words.

“But that was so long ago, and it wasn’t anything serious.” He said with a frustrated sigh, like an announced defeat of a battle that haven’t even started. “I wasn’t even a real coach back then, just a substitute. I have no degree, and not a hint of talent.”

“But it was you who helped Hayato overcome his fear. It was you who taught Hayato how to swim.” Haruka insisted, almost blind to Makoto's negativity and denials. “Besides, this is what you’ve always wanted, where you have always wanted to be, right?”

Makoto’s eyes trembled, fixed on Haruka. A bright feeling grew in his chest, a sensation he hadn’t felt in a long while. When was the last time he believed in himself? Since when did he trust himself and his own talent?

This was all Haruka’s doing, because Haruka was the love of his life and he made Makoto want to believe in himself again.

Haruka was love, and he was all Makoto could ever need.

“You are right, Haru.” Makoto said, managing a determined smile. “This has always been my biggest dream. I am not going to you two down.”

 

*

 

Hikari and Haruka had never been quiet while together, but that morning was the exception to the rule. Sitting on the second floor by the glass window, they both watched Makoto coaching a class of ten. Although Makoto had been nervous at first and almost tripped into the pool twice, once the lessons began, all his fears and nervousness washed away just as his old self came back like a huge wave.   
  
Makoto was smiling widely, connecting with each child that innocently smiled back at him. They loved him, no exceptions, and Makoto genuinely enjoy it. He recalled the days at Iwatobi SC Returns, when he had his small class of four and discovered his passion for coaching. He hadn’t felt this alive in a long time.   
  


Ten minutes into the class was enough for Makoto to forget that the owner was watching him and the class from across that the pool. Those few minutes had been enough for him to relax and accept whatever might happen after this class was over, he was just really happy to be surrounded by kids wanting to learn how to swim, surrounded by laughter and happy faces.    
  
During that half hour, Makoto was able to leave the real world behind. All his stresses, his worries, and everything that could upset him did not exist while he was in the water. He now stood where he believed he had always belonged: In a pool, coaching, sharing his love for swimming with the youngest ones… and feeling as peaceful as he could ever feel.

_ Yes. _

This had always been his biggest dream, and for the first time it felt like a possibility. Like a reality.

  
  
*

 

When the class was over, and all the kids had left for the day, Hikari and Haruka waited side by side in the long hall. Holding hands, man and child were too absorbed in thoughts to even acknowledge their surroundings. It had been a while since Makoto and Onodera had walked into the main office, closing the door behind them, and the suspense rose with each passing second. 

Hikari was still too young to understand the adult world around him, but he was bright enough to know how much this opportunity meant to his father. Way too observant to overlook his father’s passion, he saw how Makoto had been a completely different person while coaching those kids. He had never seen his father so relaxed, so carefree…so full of joy. It was different than when his dad was around Haruka. Yes, Papa made Dad happy, but coaching was definitely his father’s true passion (even more so than eating Papa’s delicious cooking!).

Haruka’s eyes were focused on the floor and his mind wandered, all kinds of thoughts running through his head. For better or for worse, Makoto was going to be a different man once he excited that office. Haruka found himself frowning and his mind took an unexpected turn picturing the worst case scenario. He felt like his stomach had decided to go up while his lungs forgot how to breathe. Would Makoto be okay if he didn’t get the job?

The door opened, revealing a very pale Makoto with a gaze that didn’t leave the floor. Both Haruka and Hikari, hurried across the hall to meet up with the taller man, the suspense growing heavy on their shoulders.

“Makoto,” Haruka called five steps away from his partner, and when Makoto looked back at him, his breath caught in his throat. Makoto’s eyes lacked the warmth that Haruka had become accustomed to, and they stared directly into Haruka's while the tension in the air grew thicker by the second.

_ He got rejected,  _ Haruka thought,  _ Makoto didn’t get the job. _

The thought that Makoto had gotten his hopes up only have them crushed once more left Haruka speechless. He felt terrible, guilty and responsible. Haruka realized that he had taken Makoto’s dreams lightly in the past, not even thinking of how terrible it would be if things went wrong and Makoto didn’t get the job. How would Makoto recover from this?

“Daddy…?” Hikari spoke this time. Taking a step closer, he grabbed his father’s hand and locked their fingers together. “Did you get the job?”

Makoto looked at his son, a long and lingering look before his lips began to tremble. “Y-yes, I did.” Makoto replied, his voice cracking and eyes filling with tears. Haruka could feel his pulse quickening as Makoto looked straight at him, green interlocking with blue. “I got the job. I-I start next monday.”

Haruka's eyes went wide and felt a smile forming on his lips. It was meant to be, he realized, as Makoto wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Slowly, Haruka hugged him back and closed his eyes in relief.

“T-thank you, Haru! Thank you so much!” Makoto cried harder, his hot tears soaking through the other’s shirt. “It’s all because of you!” 

“I didn’t do anything.” Haruka protested, his hand rubbing Makoto’s back comfortingly. “I just told you to show up and you did the rest by yourself.”   
  
Makoto chuckled wetly, “Haru…”

“You got hired because of your talent, because you are good at what you do.” Haruka dropped a soft kiss on his partner’s cheek as he continued. “It was all you.”

Makoto nodded and Hikari smiled at the scene happening before him.

It was hard for Makoto to believe that, after so many years of being told otherwise, a degree was not needed to prove that he was the right fit for the job he had always wanted. After all these years of regret, Makoto realized that dropping out of college hadn’t been an anchor that kept him from where he was now, from getting this job, from reaching his dreams.  
  
No more part time jobs, no more begging for overtime, no more working on the weekends or during holidays. Makoto knew that he could finally afford to give a better life for his son, that he would finally work normal hours and get to spend more time with his son and Haruka. For the first time in his life, Makoto was convinced that things were finally moving in the right direction, and it was all because of Haruka, the love of his life.

 

*

 

A sigh escaped Makoto’s lips as he lay in bed. It was already past two in the morning and he couldn’t sleep. He had a restless mind, constantly spinning, getting louder with every passing minute. He tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position without waking Haruka up. Eventually, he gave up and covered his face with his pillow in mere frustration.    
  
“Can’t sleep?” Haruka’s sleepy voice came from the other side of the bed.    
  
“Did I wake you up?” Makoto asked, but Haruka only yawned in response. “I-I’m sorry. Maybe I should take my insomnia to the living room and let you sleep for the rest of the night.”

“No, you’re fine. Stay.” Haruka turned and faced Makoto, trying his hardest to keep his eyes open. “What time is it?”

“A little after two thirty, I think,” he replied. The breeze from the open window blew the lazy white curtains from side to side.

“What are you doing up so late?” Haruka mumbled tiredly before snuggling closer. He leaned into Makoto and buried his face in the other’s neck. “Tomorrow’s your big day. Go to sleep.”

“I know but…” Makoto wrapped his arms around Haruka’s thin frame and held him tightly. He breathed in deeply and Haru’s scent invaded his nostrils with ease, bringing peace to his disoriented mind. “I don’t know. Sorry.”

“Don’t be, babe.” Haruka mumbled against Makoto’s skin. “Just close your eyes and relax.”

“Haru…”

It wasn’t that easy, at least not for Makoto. It was as if his mind was doing it on purpose, bringing terrible memories in the worst time of the night. It didn’t matter how tight he hugged Haruka, or how close their hearts lay that night, Makoto couldn’t stop his mind from repeating Sasabe’s tale over and over. The story of Haruka almost taking his life from depression and grief.

Having him so close made Makoto realize how fragile Haruka truly was, how much Haruka needed him. His mind took a twisted turn, picturing an altered reality where Haruka’s body actually fell from the old bridge and his heart stopped beating on a lonely night without stars. 

Makoto felt his throat getting tight as he held back tears he wouldn’t dare let fall. His chest ached so badly that it was hard to breathe. Biting his lower lip, Makoto found himself caressing Haruka’s head and trying to find the right words to break the night’s silence.

“Haru,” Makoto whispered, tenderly stroking his soulmate’s hair. He swallowed hard, trying to keep himself from shaking, unsure of how to bring up the subject but unable to stay silent any longer. “The day I fainted at the swim club, I had just seen Coach Sasabe.”

Even before he had finished the sentence he felt Haruka tense up in his arms, and Makoto squeezed him tighter in hopes of reassuring him. Finally he continued speaking, voice nothing more than a breath. "He told me about...you. About…everything."

Even now Makoto couldn't find the strength or the words to continue, but he didn't have to. Haruka silenced him with a kiss, slim fingers clutching Makoto's shoulders desperately. Haruka’s kisses would always set his skin aflame; sweet little promises of a gentle eternity, passive and careful, just too addictive.

But as nice as it was to be kissed, Makoto could feel a dizzying jumble of emotions pouring from Haruka's body into his, some relieved and grateful, others dark and painful that burned deep in Makoto's chest. Gently he clasped Haru's shoulders and broke the kiss.

“H-hold on, Haru.” He breathed, a small plea.

“I couldn’t do it anymore,” Haruka whispered, pressing his cheek against Makoto’s and closing his eyes tightly. “I just couldn’t. Not… not without you.”

Haruka’s voice sounded too confident for Makoto’s liking, making him shiver in a different manner than before. He could feel his mind swirling, like water going down a drain. Makoto couldn’t understand where this side of Haruka was coming from.

"But Haru, when we were growing up, you were always the strong one and I..."

"That was all because of you!" Haru growled, interrupting, shutting his eyes tight. "Because you were there! Always…there!”

There was a pause between them, one that Makoto didn’t break this time. With trembling lips, Haruka managed to pull away from Makoto and their eyes met. In Haruka’s gaze Makoto was finally allowed to see the most broken part of him.

“I was stupid enough to push you away, to leave you and think that I was going to be okay without you.” Haruka’s words came out in a broken whisper. “I did it to myself, it was my fault. I deserved to be alone. I deserved to..."

"Oh no. No, no, no!" All Makoto could do was clutch Haruka tighter, keeping him close and not letting go. Uncontrollably, his jaw began trembling and Makoto felt his eyes burn as tears pricked at the backs of his eyes. "No! you didn't deserve that! T-that's the way life is, Haru. We make mistakes, everybody does, a-and that’s okay, because…everything gets better.”

Haruka looked up at him from under his damp lashes, barely realizing that he was crying as well. “Makoto.”

“But we worked through it, right? We're here now, and…” His hand moved through the bed sheets and found Haruka’s, squeezing it tightly as he tried his hardest to stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks. “Oh Haru, please don't think like that anymore. Don’t do this to yourself. I need you.”

“I need you too.” Once more, Haruka’s head laid on Makoto’s shoulder, pressing his face against his beloved’s warm neck. “I’m sorry.”

Makoto resumed brushing Haruka’s dark hair with his long fingers, thinking that, in the end, they shared the blame equally. “I’m sorry, too, for not chasing after you and letting you go ten years ago,” he whispered. “I took you for granted, Haru. I was reckless enough to lose you. If only I had tried a bit harder, maybe things would have been better for you. And for me.”

“But Hikari...” Haruka continued and his warm breath traveled gently against Makoto’s neck, making him shiver. “If you had gone after me that night, maybe Hikari wouldn’t be around today. I-I wouldn’t want that.”

Makoto paused a moment before speaking, “You’re right, I wouldn’t want that either. Hikari was everything I had when I thought I had nothing.” After cleaning his own tears, he broke their embrace and invited Haruka to sit up next to him. The night breeze got stronger and pushed the curtains apart, inviting the moon and stars in. Makoto and Haruka held hands while the moon watched them from above. “Hikari is my light, just like you are too.”

Haruka’s eyes went bright with unshed tears, speechless and utterly moved. His lips trembled as he tried to speak, but Haruka was not expecting to hear what Makoto said next.

“I want to stay next to Haru… until the day I die.”

Haruka’s world stopped, tilting on its axis, he mouth opening but no sound coming out. Haruka felt so many things, but no words were enough to describe the unexpected peace that now washed over him. He started crying harder, closing his eyes as tight as he could, feeling that he didn’t deserve the happiness that only Makoto could awake in his heart. 

“M-Makoto…”  
  
With the sweetest smile, Makoto cradled Haruka’s face and cleaned the fresh tears away with his thumb. “Shh, it’s alright,” he whispered. “Don’t cry, love.”

But those tears weren’t tears of sorrow, they both knew that. They were tears of a genuine happiness that Haruka could no longer suppress. Gently, Makoto brought Haruka’s head against his chest, breathing his scent mixed with the familiar warmth of his skin. “We’re not alone anymore,” he whispered, pressing his cheek against Haruka’s head. “We have each other, right?”

Nodding, Haruka allowed himself to relax his lips and let a small smile cross them. He felt he could stay like this for hours, listening to Makoto’s heartbeat as his own heart became fuller than ever. “Right,” he replied, “Forever.”

They stayed like this for a while, and Makoto’s voice soon filled the silence with an old lullaby from their days as children. Haruka recognized it right away, humming along softly as Makoto sang. When the song was over and the sounds of the night took over, the couple laid back down. Haruka’s back was against Makoto’s chest, their bodies pressed against each other.

“Do you ever wonder how Nagisa, Rin and Rei are doing?” Makoto asked, nestled with one arm around Haruka with gentle fingers caressing his back gently.

“Yeah,” Haruka whispered. “I haven’t seen them in years.” 

“Me neither,” Makoto admitted, a soft but nervous laugh escaping him. “I bet Rin is angry because we both disappeared without a trace.”

Haruka shrugged and closed his eyes. “Rin left to Australia first.”

“Guess you’re right,” Makoto agreed while nuzzling against of the back of Haruka’s neck. “I think we should try and reconnect with them, it’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” Haruka replied, eyes fixed on the bright moon that peaked out from behind the curtains. Reaching to his own conclusion, his shoulders visibly relaxed and Haruka allowed himself to slump into Makoto's embrace. His body felt lighter as the pain from his past left him.

It was as if he had finally forgiven himself. After all those mistakes and wrong turns from the past years, Haruka was at last free from his own regrets. He was letting himself to be happy again, to feel loved without feeling guilty, to believe that he deserved a second change and that happy endings were real.

Slowly, Haruka turned until blue met with green and shared an honest smile with his significant other. His smile was big, pure with joy and bright feelings, and it was so wide that the corners of his eyes crinkled. Makoto, surprised, just stared at Haruka in awe. Haruka’s smile almost blinded him and Makoto’s heart suddenly felt much lighter.

“Makoto,” Haruka began. “Thank you.”

“I…” Makoto hesitated, mildly confused by the other’s gratitude. Yet, with one look into Haruka’s eyes he understood. That night, Haruka was like an open book and Makoto could read him easily, like text printed on a white page.

He saw a Haruka he hadn’t seen in so long. A Haruka that had no worries, no regrets, no bad thoughts. A Haruka that was completely… _free!_  
  
It took Makoto several tries to find his voice, but when he did, he flashed a smile that matched Haruka’s while his words filled the air between them.  “Anything for you, Haru.”

Haruka reached up to gently take hold of Makoto’s face in both hands and brought his mouth slowly closer to his, sealing their future together with the softest kiss.

  
  


*

 

Because it was December, Tokyo was already covered with beautiful Christmas lights. Hanging around the store fronts, on the light poles, reflecting beautifully on a sparkling silver canvas of snow. Tokyo was the coldest it had ever been that year and snow fell often from the sky. There were only five days left until Christmas and the city looked precious, like a scene out of a movie.

Standing outside a pet shop stood a family of three. The tallest and the youngest were smiling widely at the sight of tiny kittens playing in a playpen just beyond the window. The youngest didn’t hesitate and dashed into the store, while the tallest grabbed his partner by the hand and pulled him inside the building without room for rejection.

“Please Haru, just look at her!”  Makoto begged, holding a small white kitten in his hands, eyes pleading. “She’s the tiniest, sweetest kitten I’ve ever seen. We need to take her home!”

“I refuse.” Haru looked away and closed his eyes with a frown.

  
Fate is cruel, isn't it? Cruel. Unavoidable.

  
“Oh no, Papa, we can’t do that now.” Hikari pulled on Haruka’s arm to get his attention and forced their eyes to meet again. “The kitten already got her hopes up when Dad picked her up. That wouldn’t be fair!”

“It’s two against one.” Haruka felt his left eye twitch. “You two aren’t playing fair.”

“We promise we’ll take good care of her!” Makoto added. 

Hikari nodded eagerly. “W-we’ll do such a good job that you aren’t even going to notice her around!”

“But we already have three cats!” Haruka snapped.

At this point, the entire store was staring silently at them. Haruka felt his cheeks turning red and he held his breath briefly. It was quite clear that having a tall man and a kid begging for a kitten to another man was something not everybody was used to seeing, but that was Haruka Nanase’s everyday life. And it had been like this for almost half a year since his relationship with Makoto Tachibana started.

Getting on his knees beside his son, Makoto leaned his head against Hikari’s and both pairs of green eyes looked up pleadingly at Haruka. “Pretty pleeeeeaseee?” Father and son sang in unison, and right then Haruka knew he had already been defeated.

Because how are you supposed to reject your best friend?

  
  
  


 

**The End.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thanks to everybody who stopped by and read this story from the beginning to the end. Thank you so much for the comments and the kudos, each and every one of them meant the world to me. You guys kept me motivated all along and I have no words to express how I wouldn't be able to finish this story with out you. ♥♥♥
> 
> Thanks to @Utsukushin, for being there since the very beginning, even before the story was started. Thank you for helping me find the right words when I couldn't find them on my own, for inspiring me with ideas when I had an writer's block and for correcting my grammar mistakes when I was too distracted to notice them. Overall, thank you for all of your help!! ♥♥♥
> 
> For all you who are reading this, thank you and I hope to see you all around one my next story.
> 
> With love,  
> OhmyNanase.  
> Ohmynanase.tumblr.com


End file.
